Journal
Spoiler Alert! I write this as a running 'warm-up' for working on creative fiction, which means I end up putting in a lot of details about whatever story I'm working on at the time, among all the other emo blather.
If you'd rather have the inner workings of your fictional worlds unsullied, I'd suggest hurrying off this page. Otherwise, enjoy the chaos...
- Terminology issues: find-replace for all terms that need updating
- Plot issues: address items of confusion
- Pacing issues: condense or expand indicated scenes
- Language issues: rewrites/review edits to slow/speed pacing as necessary, improve power and clarity
-
Reveal earlier, Cole resist identity, come to terms during climax
-
Ash pushes Serovate in? Or otherwise contributes
-
Repeat remember lessons
-
Revise the Tower or the Towers of Refuge to just Refuge. Name the uniform and masks and headbands with meaning. Justification? Protections? Modesty?
- reading articles about publishingā¦ and deciding to switch gears from traditional to indie/self-publishing based on that research. Retaining full rights over my own work and making high royalties per unit are the main motivations. Itās a tough switch, especially at this point in the game, but it makes sense. So. Now I need to track down a great substantive editor and a cover artist (and pay them!), learn the publishing industry, self-market and get this thing launched. Just a few small details, right?
- harassing friends about publishingā¦ as it happens, all that research made me curious about how well one could use systems and networks to publish, soā¦ Iām launching a one-woman indie publishing house/consultancy to help (a) an old friend publish her travel writing, (b) another friend publish her art in a co-produced picture/storybook, (c) republish my great-grandparentsā stories (if I can get rights and material), and (d) republish a bunch of history and memoir books from the Cariboo and around BC, again, if I can get ahold of someone with the rights to publish. Partly this is all in service of learning the ropes of self-publishing, building a brand and (hopefully/probably not) making some money so I can keep playing with books for as long as possible, but thereās also some pure fun involved (helping friends get published), some wish-fulfillment (since I never did make Editor at one of the NY publishing houses) and a desire to preserve stories that are going to be lost if no one digitizes them.
- reading books about writing/editing/publishingā¦ and realizing that I have a LOT of work to do in the rewrites. Specifically,
- Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain
was hugely beneficial to framing intent and direction, and of course the classic The Elements Of Style (2011 Edt.) by William Strunk
. On Writing by Stephen King
- setting up a website and starting the social media swellā¦ hand coded, of course, because why do anything the easy way? Actually, itās super-cool; lightning-fast because itās all just html&css with a minimum of server queries, responsive layout that works great on mobile on up, and not entirely hideous. Content-wise, itās pretty light, just a shell, really. It did force me to āblurbā my own stories, which was somewhat informative (read: terrifying.) The social media stuff is miserable - I hate posting regularly - but Iām at least getting a rhythm down; daily Instagram post replicated to any or all of FB/Twitter/Tumblr, so far mostly of drinks Iāve made, but Iāll branch out eventually. Photos do seem to be a little less effort (and get better responses than) text-based content.
- travel and people stuffā¦ spent an extended weekend traveling up north to my momās family; forgot to take postable photos
- freelance/job stuffā¦ bookmarked a couple more sites, realized that I can probably make the most money simply doing copywriting, even though coding is the sexy thing right now, drooled over job postings with heritage societies in the UK (would I make a good interpretive guide to a historic site? Thereās opportunities in the Orkneys!!) and generally despaired over the not-so-slow drain on my bank account that having no income entails
- oh yeah, and I turned 29, which yet again ratchets up the compulsion to prove myself. Even though Iāve pretty much figured out that my life goes better when Iām not trying so hard all the time. But yeah, taking a year out hasnāt been greatā¦ although itās done wonders for my pride (lol).
Day 221
20 Jul 2017
News to no one, but yeah, definitely falling behind due to my Twitter addiction and obsession with everything #pitchwars right now. Which, I mean, priorities I guess? āCause technically BtE is in pretty good shape and the best thing I can do right now is widen my community/audience/reach and get all the query and pitch material shined up, but itās eating at me that I might not get the rewrites I want to done in time. I mean, not enough to actually motivate me to prioritize them, butā¦ lol.
I agreed to cat sit for someone next week, before all this, and now Iām deeply regretting it, as they only wanted daytime but theyāre an hours walk away or !40m by bus because local transit sucks and Iād spend 1/3 of what Iāll bring in on it just on the bus rides each day b/c itās not overnight and why did I agree to this? So I have to go over there tonight and do the whole meet n greet orientation thing and Iām just annoyed that itās taking away from writing/revising/Twitter time (but really: I said yes b/c itād force me to actually go outside on a regular basisā¦ plus spare change.)
Drowning under the flood of resources Pitchwars is stirring up, including a SUPER depressing one on how you should really only expect to get offered around $10-$20 for your book and even if youāre super lucky and get 6 figures for a two book deal it breaks down to about $20k/year. Which, I mean, I did know and itās part of why I was moving towards the whole indie publishing thing, but still, the details had thankfully faded in my mind and I was having fantasies of my future actually working out, lol. It really is a super crowded field; my TBR pile is as long as all the books Iāve marked done on Goodreads and only getting longer (1k+) with amazing sounding stories, so I can see how itās a stretch for everyone to get paid, but itās pretty insane when compared to the amount of work put in. Justine Larbaleister had a thread about how working writers should get businesslike with it and stop bleeding onto the page, but I canāt imagine cranking out material so cynically (not to mention productively.)
Anyways, got the first draft hooks and comp titles off to my editor yesterday, and she hasnāt chucked āem back, so Iām gonna take advantage of the couple hours I can grab to dive back in on rewrites!
Thursday
Start Time: 2:15 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Day 220
19 Jul 2017
Huh. That was interesting. So I got back my first query critique from the #pitchwars pre-competition micro contest. The mentor who offered it is an assistant editor at a big 5 publisher.
It wasā¦ really different than I expected, so I guess probably my business background has been showing too much, ācause she tweaked things to sound quite a bit younger and lessā¦ polished? Direct? More, like, conversational or something. Which is probably more YA. She did push the hook that Iāve been using to the front again after Iād buried it in the extended synopsis b/c one of the #askmentor comments was that the letter should frontline your MC, so that was a plus. And in hindsight, itās probably not surprising that she shifted it all around to feature more of the characterās journey at the forefront. So, lots to think about on it and clearly lots of revisions in my future, lol.
Itāll be really interesting to see where my editor comes out on things now that Iāve booked a query package with her - and I should probably post it to the #pitchwars forums as well to collect any other feedback. Frustratingly, the whole thing seems to be a lot like sending a book draft out to readers; conflicting feedback b/c everyone has different preferences, and you have to piece it apart to see if you can find whatās not working at the heart of the comments, lol. But everyone has pointed out that this whole process is hard, so itās all to be expected.
Iām having trouble prioritizing and making progress between social media (so addicted to Twitter) and Pitchwars and rewrites and lifeā¦ I mean, I could basically be on Twitter all day, just learning and interacting with the massive writer community there, and then Pitchwars posted a forum where you can give and get feedback on genre-specifics, and I also need to scour the blogs, tweets and comments of all the mentors to find which ones to submit to and then start interacting with themā¦
On the work front, Iām definitely trying to protect my time and get at least a few hours in of uninterrupted writing sprints a day, but probably shifting gears from prioritizing the rewrites to getting the query material done first, maybe with a split of daily work between the two, in case I canāt get through both in the nextā¦ whoa. Week and a half. Yikes! And my editorās booking up into next year, so I should really be scheduling stuff for book 2, but without any sales or even a sense of whether I can afford to keep doing this from a financial or a time perspective, itās hard to make that commitment right nowā¦ Probably gonna myopically focus on whatās right in front of me in order not to get sidetracked! And on that note, the author that was in touch wanting a sequel audiobook produced responded with sales from the first audiobook andā¦ yeah, I just really think thereās no way Iād make any money on it. Like, maybe $5 for a monthās work, lol. So I should probably get back to her and say no, butā¦ if it pads out my experience and gets me more work in general, will it be worth it? Possibly? Thereās so many things like that right now, where I could gamble on them paying off down the line, but then they take away from investing in anything that would pay off sooner, soā¦ yeah, lots to think about! But Iām not gonna because whee! time to revise and get some work done!!
Part 2
Right, so Iāve got a handful of loglines/hooks worked out for my editor to review, on to comp. titles! Which is both harder and easier than it sounds; Iāve got a long list of authors and books Iād like it to be likeā¦ whether it is or not is another question, lol. Tweeted out the hooks for opinions too, and I tried a FB live video by hated it & deleted immediately so no exposure via that route. Getting so, so addicted to Twitter. Also need to get back to my editor re: next book editing slots for next year; I hadnāt realized you book the first full edit at the same time, and I have no idea when I can be read for that!! But anyways, I need to power through and get some actual rewrites in today!!!
Revision notes: Need to set up the alien idea of friendship earlier between Cole and Cadence. Then have her push against it, reconcile to it, transfer it to others. Demonstrates her innocence or cluelessness when it comes to relationships and human interaction.
Wednesday
Start Time: 10 am & 2:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Drinking: water & Yorkshire black tea with milk
Day 219
18 Jul 2017
Wow that happened fast. So I decided I definitely should enter #pitchwars and participated in my first Twitter Live event where the YA mentors did sort of Q&A, and then in post-event questions ended up winning a query critique. Which is awesome because already Iām building connections and exposure and getting help and all that good stuff, butā¦ now I really need to write/rewrite a query, which kind of sucks timing-wise, because Iām paying my editor to help me with it too, but in, like, a week or two. However! This is all moving in the right direction, so yay! And I now have so much work/deadlines that Iāll have to force myself to be more productive again, so bleh & yay at the same time!
Rewriting yesterday was good in the sense that I actually did some, and terrible in that Iām moving through the manuscript slow as mud. So again, pushing for more hours and more progress will be the main target for this next two week stretch. Todayās plan: draft up some sort of query to send for early review. Then solve the plot holes around eavesdropping and switch gears to do the condensing of early chapters in case someone asks to see them!
Part 2
Drinking: Yorkshire black tea with milk
Ugh, so that took forever. 2 hours of research and rewrites and Iām STILL not sure if my query letter works or not - but I think Iām picking up on a bit more than I did before, and thank goodness I actually have quite a lot of support through this part of the process between my editor & #pitchwars, so yay! Now to do the extended synopsis, and hopefully actually complete some novel rewrites at some point!
Tuesday
Start Time: 10 am & 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Drinking: water & Yorkshire black tea with milk
Day 218
17 Jul 2017
Getting started considerably later than I meant to today, but TWITTER, lol. Itās hard to balance author platform early marketing stuff with, like, accomplishing anything else in a day - I pretty much just flitted from FB to Twitter to IG back to Twitter to Goodreads to FB to more Twitter, and then more and more and and andā¦ yeah. So #pitchwars is coming up and Iām 98% committed to diving into that wormhole. The 2% concern is that if I donāt tone down the social media and other distractions, Iāll never actually finish rewrites in time. And Iāll probably simultaneously query agents during the process. And it could drag things out a fair bit longer, but! It seems to be a great way to build connections within the YA community and be part of the sort of cohort and critique partnerships that all the YA stars seem to be in, not to mention if it actually contributes to a better book and/or getting an agent, thatās a definite plus. The major downsides being, more opinions mean more changes mean more rewrites mean more angsting and time spent and deadlines pushed andā¦ Iām possibly not enthusiastic/outspoken/interactive/social enough for the whole thing. IDK, I mean, everyone has a digital persona, so Iām probably ok, but I definitely feel insecure about the social aspect of being a YA writer and being engaging/exciting/fun/funny enoughā¦ but yeah, like with any career thereās the stuff youāre sure youāll suck at that you have to do anyways, so here we go!
On a writing note, if I can just master my schedule a bit (a lot) better, Iāve regained quite a bit of confidence for the actual rewriting. I donāt agree with the āwrite every dayā maxim; itās too absolute, rigid, and in my mind, unhealthy, butā¦ too long away from writing, and I forget that I can actually, you know, do it. So getting in there and back at it tends to be a tough hurdle to cross, but really affirming and encouraging once I push through. And while thereās a lot to integrate at every stage of editing and rewrites, itās pretty cool to have the tools to take another pass and improve. One of the bigger problems for me being that I canāt resist tangling my fingers all up in the entire draft again! This is the first time Iāve really tried to spot target different sections, and while itās good practice for zapping out big plot stuff that needs to be resolved, Iām almost certain that Iāll be sifting down to a word-by-word, line-by-line rewrite before this is all through. Super hard to get an objective view when youāre down mucking around in the language though, so Iāll do what I can to be strategic!
Monday
Start Time: 8 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: water
Day 217
14 Jul 2017
Still working through renaming and sidling up to the larger changes, lol. Lots going on in the real world; major fires in the interior and some family members getting new jobs, which may or may not mean lots of change in my world over the next little while. Allergies arenāt so bad today, though, so thatās a plus! I need to get this monthās newsletter written up and do a bit of a push on IG, my FB Beta group, and a proper news blog post ācause otherwise these journal entries end up being the worldās most boring, worst written blog, lol, but also it all contributes to general procrastination and not moving BtE forward, soā¦ yeah. Priorities.
Been more involved on Twitter lately, which I enjoy the most out of the various channels, but which is also the most inflammatory (closely followed by FB comments section!) Particularly concerned about discourse issues lately; seems to be a lot of hyper āwokeā peeps out there railing against authors for failing various litmus tests, and itās getting so they seem just as bigoted as the original hyper conservative crowd. Writingās hard, kids. Seeing your own prejudice and breaking out of the lanes the whole industryās been running in (and youāve been familiarized with/reading in) your whole life is hard. Getting published and/or getting anyone to read your book is hard. Which isnāt to excuse bad behaviour or bad content, but generally empathy and understanding work toward change more than accusations and attacks. Want to see more #ownvoices diverse authors and stories? Thatās awesome, but maybe donāt go around screaming at authors for not going far enough (oh, dark skin but no ethnic backstory? shame!!) and recognize that there are a lot of āprivilegedā white authors too that arenāt making a living and are desperate to even get a ghost of a career out of their work. I understand that anger is a big part of discrimination (um, woman in business?), but it really looks terrible when the strongest voices on attack are white kids too; like itās one thing to get upset over your friendās raw treatment, but donāt go making things worse for them out of your own privileged sense of outrage. Keep discourse open, help people learn, donāt shame them for ignorance. And respect that your opinion isnāt necessarily truth whether or not society applauds you for it at the moment. Also it seems offensive that the push for racial equality and diversity has so quickly been coopted for gender/identity/sexuality diversity - like, I understand if you feel like you got a raw deal within your lifetime, but thatās not the same as multi-generational disadvantages and discrimination. Especially with orientation, you may not feel like you should have to hide your preferences to be treated equally, but that entirely discounts that you have the remarkable privilege of being able to, where the instant, long-standing discrimination towards visible minorities is something they have no capacity to opt out of or put on hold, whether or not theyād be willing to make that sacrifice.
I dunno, for the most part I donāt want to get into the unending battle royale of this stuff online, but on the other hand it gets scary when you look at the way Americaās headed and see extremist behaviours and a lack of true seeking to understand on both sides of the equationā¦ I get that youāll be creamed for proposing a āmoderateā voice, and Iām kind of a crusader by nature, but really, seems like we all need to be reminded that itās both ok to disagree and fight for what you believe in, while at the same time required not to just try to obliterate your opponent. Seems like thereās quite a bit of historical precedent for letting both sides keep some dignity in the fight, for one thingā¦ #worldhistory
Anyways, todayās project: deal with naming conventions/renaming for Refuge costuming sp. uniform, headbands, hood & mask. Justification? Binding? Trade? Sub? ā¦brainstorm, lol. And then maybe actually do the bigger rewrites like I desperately need toā¦
Friday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: water
Day 216
13 Jul 2017
Probably gonna end up pushing this deadline as well; it takes a surprising amount of time to do even simple things like find>replace updated names/terms, of which there seem to be an increasing number, and I could stand to put more time in tbh. The flip side of that is that time away from the computer triggers the creative problem solving side of my brain, so my subconscious can worry away at all the little issues that need to be ironed over and come up with brilliant solutions (lol) that Iād never be able to brute-force my way to. āCourse then I have to actually plant my butt and do the work, but hey, one thing at a time. Spoilery revelation for today:
Move overhearing Morristu being abducted to an encounter at the bottom of the stairs; Morristu covers for Cole to escape (background, Ange was trying to reach Morriswan and thatās why sheās available to help Cole. Confused at first - wasnāt paying attention to the code on her uniform?
Thursday
Start Time: 7:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: water
Day 215
12 Jul 2017
So my major accomplishment yesterday was rereading the editorial report and Googling forms of headcoverings for a couple hours, lol. It really feels like past time to tweak the terminology and world building to be a little more meaningful than just upper case versions of mundane nouns, so, yeah. And also anything that needed researching to flesh out, itās really time to get on that. But itās also a form of procrastination, in that Iām trying to digest suggestions, wrap my head around the story again after a month away, and generally work my way back up to some forward momentum.
Watched the final Sherlock episode yesterday, which was inspiring from a drama-storytelling perspective. I think the villain in particular offers some characteristics to both Serovate and Ravel. Moriartyās tics and over-expressiveness just the wrong side of appealing are so creepily weird. Iām insecure about my villains, since I have a track record of not writing them well, and Iāve never liked them much. At least the editorial feedback really affirmed that I fixed the structural and plot issues around having the villains/antagonists hanging around in the background without doing enough. Actually, on a second reading, I do feel more confident in the upcoming rewrites. Everything always seems so overwhelming at first, and then I just have to grit my teeth and dive in and make it to the other side. So, here goes nothing! Plan of attack:
Wednesday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: water
Day 214
11 Jul 2017
As chronicled ad nauseam before, getting back into the swing of things with a book is miserable and near impossible. However! The great thing about walking away for a month at a time is that I get a little more distance from the work and a smidge more perspective. Which is good, because I love to fight and wrestle with every round of edits and feedback. And by love I mean hate but canāt leave aloneā¦
My excuse for distraction today was good though; woken up a couple hours early, and then glued to the computer tracking forest fire news - crazy year with flooding and fires in the interior of BC. But since thereās not actually anything to, you know, do about it, I mostly just Googled, tweeted and then, of course, needed a nap. So. Here we are post-supper and Iām finally forcing myself to log a couple hours doing what I apparently really want-but-donāt-want to do.
Editorial feedback was awesomeā¦and as per usual, challenging and disappointing. Amidst effusive, ornate praise, I think I detect a warning signs that more needs to be done. On a story level, Iāve solved the major problems set forth by previous rounds of editing - the plot is tighter, motivations clearer, tension higher, characters more engagingā¦ but. But. Always with the but. There are still some problems with what I think of as pretty key plot points that need a fix - and though my editor seems to think thatās a quick and easy thing, inevitably I seem to see those quick fixes as an opportunity to radically overhaul and come up with new and exciting twists. Which is hopefully long-term good, but means some short-term misery for me. And since there was a line edit kind of snuck in on the side of this round, Iāve got quite a lot of work to do shrinking scenes, simplifying the language and trying to figure out when Iāve over explained and left readers lost in a sea of words, and when itās just confusing to cut any further. So, yeah, lots of work and the promise that, if I do go with trad pub, agents will probably want to see major rewrites. Which is not terribly surprising given how different people are, but is concerning if itās an indicator that the storyās not there yet, and doesnāt bode well for my hopes of being nearly done this process, lol.
So yeah, I tend to ignore praise and dig straight into the warning signs beneath the surface, which is unnecessarily dark and anxiety-ridden, but also very pragmatic as thereās always more work to do. The good news is, the story is getting awesome and closer all the time to being in the hands of readers (and freeing me up for future projects!) ā¦the not so good news is, I still donāt know when that time will come exactly, or what-all needs to come in the intervening period. But hey, at least I managed to get around to rewrites today. Small victories!
Before I let go of the story for the month of editing, I made a bunch of potentially spoilerriffic notes on what needed work. Now I canāt quite remember what they meant, but for posterity:
Tuesday
Start Time: 6:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Drinking: water
Day 213
10 Jul 2017
This is it! (I think, lol.) Final edits are in, and apparently have a blend of developmental and line edit involved, but either way are intended as the final round before querying/proofreading & publishing unless BtE gets picked up by a trad pub. So of course Iām looking for ANYTHING else to do this morning, lol. Part of the angsting is traditional (itās what Iāve done at every stage), part is confusion, since I had it in my head that the edits werenāt coming in until next week and apparently I havenāt learned to use a calendar again. But itās great timing ācause I might actually get through everything I need to do this month on the book after all! Ishā¦ If I can get queries out before the end of the month, I should still have enough time to wait for responses and pivot to self-pub before the end of the year if I donāt get any offers I like. Not quite full steam ahead, but still, better news than in a long time! And my editorās email was certainly encouraging too, so hopefully any actual rewrites wonāt be as intense as the last few rounds, lol. āCourse that doesnāt stop me being scared to open the reportā¦ Gahā¦
Got a potentially exciting invite to record narration on a YA fantasy overnight too, so more on that later if it goes anywhere. Iāve also just got papers signed with another emerging audiobook service, so there remains a chance that my world may centre 100% around books going forward - yay! On the other hand, Iām still toying with a bunch of other plans on the side - starting in about August, the major work on actually creating BtE should be done and itāll be time to move on. Lots of startup ideas, but I might take a local job instead for a little while and either write the sequel more slowly or save up to finance another writing stretch. The future is coming! Anyways, time to stop procrastinating and actually dive into the edits. Wish me luck, lol.
Monday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Drinking: Iced tea
Day 212
04 Jun 2017
Itās always terrifying looking back at the last dayās work, especially when I think Iāve done something brilliant, something that had flow or inspiration attached, mainly due to the risk that Iāll discover it was useless tripe that needs to be redone. āCause thatās never happened beforeā¦
Anyways. Working through the plot in another format proved to be the right move, even if it was retreading ground Iāve passed over before. Iād like to think that Iād be smarter next time, more efficient, more streamlinedā¦ but Iām suspicious that the process has to be like this, iterative, a redoing and rehearsing, a niggling of elements and thoughts and tiny and great changes again and again and againā¦ Or maybe Iāve just been making trouble for myself. Hard to say. Either way, it seemed to finally come together this time. I was able to state the story in as close to brief point form as I ever have done. Thereās an arc, a continuity of motivation and resolution that I couldnāt quite purify out of the mass of complexity before. Irritatingly, itās at the final hour, so the actual draft probably still has a great deal of confusing, but part of the trouble all along has been that I refuse to simplify right down to a single motive force. Thereās always more complexity in people, in stories, in life, than that. However, distilling and teasing out the main story thread for readers is almost beyond me; itās in there, but making it easy to see amongst all the words and switchbacks and angst in general isā¦ well, it may or may not have actually happened. Planning to review the plot and story forms today, do a last scan over the last 10 chapters to refine things one last time, and I should probably go through and do a form for every scene, or even macro scene (shudders), but weāll see. The appeal of just shipping it all off to the editor is immense at this point, but if Iāve learned one thing, itās that, indispensable as they are, editors are not magic and they donāt do all (or, really, any) of the work for you. Such disappointment. Sigh.
Iāve written these things several times now, the āhere we go againā and āthank goodness itās doneā journal entries. This wonāt be the last - but itās bittersweet and painful and joyous each time. Itās nearly done. I have a list of dozens of things to accomplish this month, at least two thirds of which, if past lists are anything to go by, wonāt even come close to getting done. I need to freelance and make money. Thereās that stupid side business that I should really actually launch. I need to record an audiobook preview of BtE and get it up as a newsletter incentive - and get back on track with the marketing and platform building. I really ought to plot out the BtE sequel and my sadly neglected Wattpad WIP pile as well, but most likely Iāll try to see friends and family, maybe get a tiny bit of a breather, angst about turning 30 because thereās a whole new load of trauma, and muddle around until the next deadline starts breathing down my neck. #writerslife, lol.
Sunday
Start Time: 3:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Drinking: Nettle, mint & chamomile tea
Day 211
03 Jun 2017
Basically failed yesterday; going out for some fresh air turned out to be a brutally pointless exercise as the cottonwood poison is out in full force and I spent the rest of the day barely able to keep my eyes open. I know itās not very artistic or environmentalist to hate trees and nature, butā¦ evil, evil stuff, it is.
Iād hoped to finish substantial rewrites yesterday and do a last quick once-through today, but stalled out again just heading into the climax. There are lots of ways to end it, most of them emotionally involving, but whether itās that I havenāt quite hit on the right one, or the plot and story arc are too clouded by all the revisions, it doesnāt quite flow through the way I think it needs to. So I pulled back and filled out the plot worksheet, which I have worked through something like in the past, repeatedly, but since I change it every single timeā¦ yeah. It helped, maybe? This time round I came up with a whole revenge angle, which is interesting, but also derails things and would make for a major revision that I donāt have time for. I think I need to cut some ideas, or at least get clear on whatās primary vs. subplot, but agh! I thought I was way past this point and nearly finished!
Interestingly, this time round I was able to see more clearly how Coleās initial goals and damage (driven by the desire to be accepted/good enough/not a failure) do actually feed into the entire plot, despite a āstory goalā of bringing down the Tower. Thus the revenge angle; I think it could be very emotionally honest for her to work out at some level that her motivation to save people (altruism) is really selfishness and essentially a desire for revenge or to take down the system she canāt ever win under. But then I have this whole thing about connection woven in, which is related but maybe too tangential? And all the threads donāt quite weave together for the ending. So sheās realized her motivation is selfish, despite looking good on the surface, but then she committed to it for more altruistic reasons? To the point of being self-sacrificing? But realizes things arenāt that simple, that self-sacrifice hurts others?
And then thereās the issue of rising stakes, where itās as clear as it should be how things get worse as they goā¦
Saturday
Start Time: 11 am
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Day 210
02 Jun 2017
The redirection is set; a third round of developmental edit starts Monday and runs to the end of the first week of July. Iām (just barely) on track to finish substantial rewrites today, covering the major climax and closing, which may be a big job and leech into tomorrow if I get stuck/tired. However, part of the course redirect is some paperwork to fill out around concept and plot, so Iād like to get that out tomorrow, as well as a final pass at the editorial comments to ensure everythingās been dealt with as comprehensively and neatly as possible. Interestingly enough, my editor seems surprised at how much rewriting and replotting I do between rounds, which shocks me in turn, as I canāt imagine resolving the things she points out with only minor adjustments. So either thatās insecurity making my life difficult, or or change my mind about what Iām trying to accomplish drastically every couple monthsā¦ which seems probable, actually.
So, second week of July to review final report and come up with any additional changes, then about two weeks to hash out a strong query letter and synopsis, and that leaves only two months (Aug-Sep) for querying agents before I need to kick things back into gear for self publishing if I want to target the holidays at the end of November. I may extend the timeline slightly, publishing for the following June, but I really canāt let it sit any longer.
Here we go; last 5 chapters (fingers crossed!)
Friday
Start Time: 1:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 209
01 Jun 2017
Major change of plan alert! After mentioning the possibility of doing the traditional publication route (query agents, agents sell manuscript to publisher, fresh round of editingā¦), my editor pointed out that my writing is pretty good at a line level, and the best approach in such a case would be another round of developmental editing to tighten up the story, and a little help with query letter drafting. Which, to me, says thatās the right thing to do either way; if the story needs more work to be up to traditional standards, then it needs more work, period. Which is a horrible thought, on the one hand, as Iām potentially sinking in another close to CAN$2k in the process with the remote hope that I can make it back, butā¦ this far in, I really donāt want to back down. So, new plan. The budget for line editing is going into another round of developmental on the same timeline (due Monday, back in three weeks-ish). That gives me a few weeks to try to make some money through other avenues without as much marketing pressure, although I should really get a multi-chapter epub and audiobook preview polished up and start offering that as a newsletter incentive, along with a comprehensive brand, website and platform refresh. Theoretically, the following rewrite should be faster and tighter (hereās hoping!) if Iāve done a good job on this one, and Iām crossing my fingers that drafting the query letters will also be a relatively quick job. The plan from there is to get the queries out as quick as possible to, at a minimum, the agents I think are the strongest bets, mainly those that represent authors with similar genres, recent breakouts and the like, and then take a step back for a few months, focus on building up the freelancing and keep pushing the social marketing channels to higher visibility. Iām thinking Iāll set an intention to publish by the end of the year - or rather, the Christmas season, so December, unless I have a deal in hand or a close approximation of one by that point, so Iāll have to get back on the line edit, proofread and any additional design materials by, oh, beginning of October at the latestā¦ but that gives 2-3 months for a miracle to happen, lol. And a couple months to make enough to cover additional costs, which is also important. At this point, even if I could get an agent on board that quickly, and hear back from a publisher, itās debatable whether I could get a strong enough offer to make it worthwhile. I figure, if the advance isnāt enough to cover the costs Iāve already invested and make it possible to finish off this book and write the next, Iām better off doing it myself. Not to mention, a small advance seems to indicate the publisherās lack of intention to back the book in a way that will help it be successful in the first place! And a restrictive contract that gives open-ended right of refusal on additional works, restricts my ability to freelance and write other books to be self-published, or grabs too many additional rights (regions, film etc.) wonāt be worth it, so despite having polished the book to a point where I think itās become much more competitive, Iām still not sure if Iād be better off pushing forward and self publishing either wayā¦ but a few monthsā break to get the freelancing side of my career growing again seems like a good thing, as does another round of effort to polish the story up even more. So, here we are again, lol. Keep grinding alongā¦
Thoughts on writing the climax & story arc/theme:
Because the Tower is about disconnection and obedience and Coleās never disconnected, sheās able to break free. The resolution has to tie back to connection and obedience; Freedom is about shallow, disordered connection and no rules. You can survive without connection, but you canāt overcome. Cadence has to help with the Climax somehow. And Ange and Ash? Ravel? Cole thinks she can support connection for others without being a part of it? Denial gives death an opening? Then seeks out/admits connection on her terms?? Needs some sort of critique, opposition or response to the Tower by the end. Whatās the story arc resolution? What questions are answered?
Thursday
Start Time: 12:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 208
31 May 2017
So my editor raised the question, yet again, of doing another brief story review before the line edit and now Iām second guessing everything, lol. While itās a less intensive and expensive service at this stage of the game, the terrible CAD>USD exchange rate means it would be over $500 CAD and push back the schedule at least a couple weeks, so Iām inclined not to go thereā¦ but on the other hand, Iād hate to miss a chance to refine and improve the story as much as it needs, and it has occurred to me that, if I wanted to try submitting to agents, there might be some benefit in refining the developmental edits and putting the line edit to the side for a bit. Cost savings, too, if I went that route, but in exchange it becomes a drastically longer timeline and I probably need to map out and write book 2 in the interim, which screws with my schedule for the next year and impacts my freelancing/career/travel choices. So, ugh. Choices. As far as I can figure, thereās not much point going the whole agent-publisher traditional route unless youāre a candidate for breakout success of the year, andā¦ I donāt know. With every revision, I think this story gets stronger and more commercially viable, butā¦ Agh. I hate working with so many unknowns! Makes it harder to focus on the things at hand, if nothing else.
Wednesday
Start Time: 11:30 am & 1 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Drinking: earl grey tea
Day 207
30 May 2017
Overnight musings for todayās rewrites: pull back on the whole romance angle with Ash; itās not really natural. Cole can maybe experience some jealousy, curiosity etc., but she probably canāt navigate or at least admit to herself the whole attraction/falling in love thing. Maybe lean into her being interested in Ash as a āsaviourā, his driven-ness, ability appeal to her. Also, I only just worked out: Cole & Ash. (Coal & Ash). Itās like before & after, fuel and remnant, but neither is flame. I wonder if Iām going somewhere with that, or if itās just a coincidenceā¦ the subconscious is a scary and wonderful place, kids.
In other news, it was a hard slog, but I did manage to get back on my 5 chapter/day schedule yesterday with a huge push to chapter 40, which puts me back on target to reach the end (ch60) by Friday with a couple days to spare for the inevitable overflow. In hindsight, I should have been a little less freaked by pushing the schedule along and left myself two months for this phase, but then again, itās been good motivation and I canāt afford to just keep pushing the publishing date back forever and not making money. Interesting to realize that Rin Chupeco is a self-published; need to do some digging and see how sheās done it and where sheās at. Her latest book (The Bone Witch) looks miles ahead of her first two in terms of design and also marketing buzz, IG bookstagram posts etc., so it seems like sheās worked her way up to that point, but Iām impressed that sheās done it within three books or so, and has wide library circulation etc. Gives me some hope, after the disappointment of Melissa Marrās One Blood Ruby. Poorly proofread with typos and awkward language choices in several spots. Seems like her publisher is maybe pulling the best resources back, which is brutal to see after a successful launch series and several additional books out there, all quite enjoyable and brilliant. Itās a terrible field that way, especially, it seems, in YA where thereās always a new trend and debut author to look at.
Part 2
So yeah, 2 hours just for review and minimal changes, but I think doing it this way is going to be better than trying for a last minute lightning edit the day before deadline. Little bit brutal facing up to a five chapter window starting, well, now, but hey, if thatās what it takesā¦ Cross my fingers that edits on this segment are minimal and easier to whip through!!
Tuesday
Start Time: 11 am & 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Day 206
29 May 2017
Didnāt get as far as I wanted to on Saturday, but I finally knocked off that one outstanding freelance project, clearing my schedule for all of a week, lol, and hitting my targets for the month on at least one line item. Also renaming Itri to Ash (alternates: Lash, Tam, Tamb, Eladon, Eldon) last name Herne/Hearne or Faa. Thereās a thing with true names and daily use names, so Ash may be more of a common name, maybe Eladon or Itri will surface later? I choose names as a combination of meaning and sound, taking into account appropriate heritage/background, but while I originally wanted to draw the connections between light-silver-starlight and what I now call the Travellers (Dreamwalkers), Iāve realized that Itri just doesnāt have good flow or recognition attached, which is a bigger deal now that Iām planning to record.
Feeling justified in taking Sunday off as per usual; made a bunch of notes when I should have been falling asleep last night. The extra brain space freed up generally seems to pay off, even if it is hard to let go and harder to get back into it after the break. Unfortunately, these notes mean Iāll need to loop back and close some plot holes in already-rewritten chapters, but Iām hoping to spin through those and still hit my 5 +3 chapter catchup target (to c40, getting me to c60 on Friday at a pace of 5/day for an extra day+ of buffer) today. Thereās some slim chance that the overall chapter count could drop (very, very slim), giving me a bit more margin, and thereās also a developing situation that may call the family away for a few days, giving me unbroken space for the last couple days of deadline and the collapse/catchup period immediately following. So, onward to try to tighten things up and make sense of the maelstrom!
Inconsistencies: rooftop dream, if Cole thinks silver presence that saves her is cadence, doesnāt that mess with feeling abandoned by cadence and angry at her after? Make Itri more grim, driven, mission oriented. Get to the action personality, problem solver. Cole drawn to his sense of mission, buys in to making change as opposed to Ravels mercurial hot air approach. Reconciles to the idea of cadence showing her visions of Itri as a strategy to keep her motivated. Skip Cass episode? Or rather sheās already decided to commit to getting back to her mission, before she realizes cadence is straight up and Itriās real.
Insert slowdown of multiple days nights dancing in freedom at first, distracted by getting oriented in the new world before she stumbles across Ravels meeting and gets pulled into the Exchange. Uneasy sleep, restless, over sleeps often and finally starts to wonder why nothingās really happening besides keeping ravel happy on the dance floor. Waking from uneasy sleep, feels remorse for sinking into mindlessness, ventures out in search of ravel? Dreams donāt start until she loses her mask, wears less gold.
Monday
Start Time: 12 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Day 204
26 May 2017
Ugh, so far behind on everything! On the plus side, I get an extra day of alone time to try to knock some more out. Not nearly enough, but Iāll take what I can get. Dropping more things every day to try and get more focused and stay on deadline (lol social media), which is not good for my long-range marketing efforts, but possibly maybe helps? Oh yeah, chores and contracts and human interaction also goes poof for at least one more week. The weather is turning miserably sunny and warm though, so itās not like I actually want to go outside - even the evil cotton fluff is out in force. Nightmarish. Despite all that trimming the fat, so to speak, I did finally get around to dumping a handful of journal entries onto the website in the hopes of ensuring it doesnāt become totally without value. And renewing it - can you believe itās been a year? And Iāve only redesigned it, what, a half-dozen times? Not that it isnāt due for another overhaul soonā¦
Slow going yesterday, but some great forward momentum at the same time. Wrote in the exchange scene, which really adds a dimension to the story, but also snarls up the flow of the middle/early second act big time. Itās tough going, trying to piece together continuity and emotional honesty, and even just flow at this point, but at least it feels like itās going in the right direction. Like every previous stage, the last act is probably gonna get short shrift and be rewritten in, like a day or something because DEADLINES!!! Gah. But needs must. Speaking of needs, I also need to crank out my chapters today and finish off that one horrible outstanding freelance project so itās not hanging over me. Audiobooks are at a standstill at the moment and Iām only just over a week out from needing to dive back into the freelancing and make some money, so I probably shouldnāt be ignoring them so much, butā¦ yeah. I donāt seem to have much capacity to write and work at the same time. Or at all. But hey, I have a possibly awesome book coming outā¦
Friday
Start Time: 3:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
drinking: Cabernet Sauvignon
Day 203
25 May 2017
Slowly but surely catching up and getting back on track with stuff. Put in a long day yesterday and clawed my way up to Chapter 20 (1/3 done!), so if I can keep up a pace of 5 chapters/day until next Saturday and excluding Sundays, Iāll (just) make deadline. Which isnāt optimal, as thatās really just a thorough once-through, but Iām starting to wonder if thatās not how all books get published; less-than-optimally. And if, given more time, Iād really make much progress anywaysā¦
I did rejig the bookmap for plot issues, so hopefully following that as closely as possible will make a big difference, and pay off as a worthwhile balance of investment, since it did take me weeks longer than Iād planned. Also sent off what I think are the final edits to my cover artist today, though it was super hard deciding on the fine-tuned direction. Struggling with the best blurb (and the inability to just go in and change it myself!!) as well as some art direction-y stuff. More brightness or less? Spikier tower or streamlined? Negative space āiā or starburst? Head-spinning stuff, I tell ya.
Also finished Libba Brayās brilliant second entry in the Diviners series. Makes me sad Iām not going more epic with a wider cast, but I do see how the added complexity could really sink me. After the overhyped debut of Caraval, Iām pretty aware of how hard writing something that will garner great reviews is going to be. Also read Scott Westerfeldās Spill Zone, and was reminded yet again of how I wish writers would stick to novels. Itās cool and all, but the whole time Iām just thinking how much more enjoyable it would be as a novel, or even TV. While I enjoy the freedom of being home alone and doing things at my own pace, in my own way, at this stage I pretty much have worked out that thereās no benefit in productivity either way. Though, less distractions once I do force myself to get on the keyboard are a plus. As is the cat hyper-affection; Iād have gotten started hours earlier today if Soul hadnāt decided to climb into my lap first thing this morning and nuzzle his head and forepaws into my hand, effectively pinning me down for hours. Because of course.
So, here we go again. Iāll backtrack a chapter or two to make sure I didnāt rush past anything critical, than push for 5+ chapters today. The word count is still climbing, so that needs some attention, and Iām stuck with characterization for Ravel in particular - I think he needs to become more appealing, less disturbing early on, but getting that across is a whole ānother matter. Plus thereās something about reacting in the moment that I donāt think Iāve quite got downā¦ or got down at all, lol. However, there have been a few good scenes that I was able to flesh out for world- and character-building purposes, as well as advancing the plot, so at least some good is coming of all this.
Thursday
Start Time: 3:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
drinking: Cabernet Sauvignon
Day 202
24 May 2017
So um, yeah. A long weekend to escort mom to family up north turned into a week. Notā¦ not quite sure how that happened. Other than, my ability to focus is apparently connected very little or not at all to the urgency of deadlines. Ugh. I had hoped to squeeze some work in on the drive up or while we were out there, even if just to knock off that one outstanding freelance assignment, but while 5 hours feels like ages to sit in a car, itās apparently not long enough for me to pull out the laptop. And then, once up there it was justā¦ yeah, focus. Donāt have much of it.
And then coming back, one thing led to another andā¦ yup. Two days blown on catching up on stuff without actually getting the main things taken care of. In my defence, Iād probably have churned out something yesterday if we hadnāt had a storm front moving in and I hadnāt had a passed out/nap afternoon because Iām too much of a wimp to work through atmospheric pressure changes. So that wasā¦ well, actually it was kinda fun, but also frustrating because PRESSURE and DEADLINES!!! I had this awesome fever dream where there was a leech in my mouth attached somewhere in the back of my throat and at first I didnāt realize it was there, and then I knew it was there and couldnāt get it out until I convinced somebody to just yank itā¦ yeah. Awesomely messed up. And creepy but not in a night-terror-y sort of way. I mostly donāt get scared when Iām lucid-dreaming, even if theyāre situations that I should be scared of. Which is perhaps why I donāt write good horror.
Iām reading the second book in Libba Brayās Diviners series and annoyed at the dream walkers. I canāt decide if Iām on-trend or just boringly derivative. I didnāt think Iād lifted the idea from anyone, but maybe subconsciouslyā¦? At least itās not shifters, lol.
Of course, all this lack of productivity is probably just a smoke screen so I can keep myself from realizing how terrifying it is that Iām pretty much down to the wire with story changes and Iāll be judged but good on what I come out with past this pointā¦ I totally believe in no-mercy reviews, but it does give one pauseā¦ especially how every indie author out there seems to think theyāve done a great job and all due diligenceā¦ yikes.
Iām not the biggest Maggie Stiefvater fan ever; sheās a good writer, I just canāt get into her stuff. But some of her comments on writing have been very helpful. Particularly her article (blog?) on drawing and characterization in storytelling. (Unless that was Julianna Baggottā¦ who it totally could have beenā¦) Anyways, the idea is we tend to have levels of clarity and quality in literary portrayal that can be broken down like stick figure > comic art > realistic art > photorealistic art, roughly. Like the difference between drawing lollipop trees to sketching off of reference to a line drawing thatās indistinguishable from a photograph. And beginner writers start somewhere in the stick-figure to comic art range with first drafts. Itās maybe identifiable as a person - possibly because you told us, proudly, that thatās what you meant to create. But it lacks depth, dimension, realism. So you flesh it out, after a tough reader or your editor gives you a poke. And it looks more human. But often you donāt make it to the photorealistic level. And, arguably, that might be ok. You might choose to make artistic decisions that take you away from a perfect image to craft a better reading experience. But if characters stay two-dimensional, you probably havenāt learned to flesh them out properly. Which is all to say, I probably struggle with characterization, but my male characters and villains in particular are barely past stick-figure level and itās a problem. Partly, being caught in Coleās POV feeds that issue, because she doesnāt relate to others enough to be perceptive yet, but Iām trying to remember that making artistic choices that arenāt in the service of the story is gonna hurt down the road. So thereās that.
Wednesday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
drinking: Cabernet Sauvignon
Day 201
17 May 2017
So I feel slightly better about how much of a struggle getting through yesterdayās five chapters was now that I realize the word count was a full third longer than the first batch. Hoping that was unusually extensive, ācause man it sucked. Of course, trying to cram the work into a few hours didnāt helpā¦
Generally angsting over how hard it is to get characterization and plot reveals right in-flow. And how my book map always ends up needlessly and confusingly complex. And also how the word count keeps inflating instead of being trimmed. I even cut whole phrases!
Also, Iām tired. Also, Iām hooked on Narbonic and finding it difficult to focus. Also, itās mid afternoon and Iād really love a nap. Bleargh.
Rewrites notes:
Focus on making Ravel more relatable, appealing (gentle, aware of her fears), frame Cadenceās refusal as more āyou donāt need thisā + childish disinterest.
Wednesday
Start Time: 3 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 200
16 May 2017
Read a blog post by Neil Gaiman on George R.R. Martin, among other things, and was pleasantly surprised at the casual daily-life approach he took. Just like mine, except with first class flights, personal assistants and questions from readers on international celebrities. But other than that, yāknow, so like mine. Lol.
Webcomics update: currently following Skin Horse, Questionable Content, Narbonics (Directorās Cut) & Sinfest, with occasional catchups on Gunnerkrig Court. This is what I spend time on when Iām not writing, lol.
Life update: I really need to sort out my meds and figure out what country my healthcare should be inā¦ itās like being 15 again just now. Shitty skin, gross hair, fat ān pimply and generally unfit for public. I know itās all āinā to be body positive in 2017, but bleagh. Fortunately, I currently hardly have to go out in public; working from the couch in sweatpants and hoodies is totally my speed. Unfortunately, thereās a family wedding this weekend, so obviously it must be time for my skin to break out like itās 2003. Hooray.
In other news, made it through 5 chapters yesterday with more text-level rewrites than Iād expected, so although that was my minimum targetā¦ yay, I made my target! And also spent the morning working on the book map! And the evening doing research and rewriting the same chapters to switch the dream/nightmare monsters to āMaraā, which comes out with a nicer effect. Spent most of the time streamlining language (who am I kidding, itās still way too wordy, but anyways) and trying to boost the world-building orienting language, which seems clunky to me, but since readers all seem confused as to whatās going on all. the. time. itās probably necessary.
Today I really get into rewriting Ravel for the first time since I wrote his backstory long form, so that should be challenging. So hard to rework existing text without ruining the flow, but the way heās being portrayed just isnāt working. Today will also hit a bunch of challenging points where information needs to be conveyed without breaking point of view or characterization, so yay. 5 chapters minimum, 10 optimal, 15 ambitious, andā¦ go!
Part 2
Well, so much for productivity and exceeding targets today. Decided to go along for a run by the river. Not to actually run, mind you, just as a chance to skip out on work, kill time that I donāt have, collect some allergens and generally shoot myself in the foot. Ate too much for lunch, I guess, or the fresh air knocked me out as I pretty much passed out for the early afternoon. So. Back at it. Iām running into the usual problem in this stretch, which can be summed up as: communicating information and characterization through dialogue is hard. People interact. Itās confusing and nuanced and not at all straightforward. I feel clever and readers feel confused. facepalm So, back at itā¦
Part 3
Ugh, so definitely pushing to hit the minimum targets of 5 chapters/day, which probably means Iām gonna be pulling late nights and scrambling at the end of this period, but assuming I donāt have major mid-stream changes, at least the deadline is still doable.
Tuesday
Start Time: 10 am, 3:30 & 7:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Iced Green Tea
Day 199
15 May 2017
So Mothers Day went well enough; food I made turned out more or less ok, no big parties so cooking and cleanup wasnāt a nightmare, and we made it out to a movie - The Circle, with Tom Hanks and Emma Watson and some other folks whose names I should probably know. The downside being that now Iām feeling like the SF-dystopia angle of Blind the Eyes is strong and cohesive enough and should really be dealt with. Which would be fine if this was like a year ago. Or a few months ago. Or even last week. But today is my must-start date for the actual rewrites, as opposed to plot angsting. So, yikes. Also, consistent feedback seems to be nearly everyone is just confused by the story, which is frustrating on multiple levels. It ruins flow to spell everything out, plus info dumps and too much backstory and worldbuilding weigh things down and are generally unartistic. But no one being able to figure out whatās going on is not exactly what you want to be known for starting out in your career, soā¦ Iāll try to be brutal in rewrites and pin things down more explicitly and less artisticallyā¦ maybeā¦ Or maybe Iāll hope line-edits are magical solutions to everything!
In other news, we completely failed to drink gin and tonics yesterday, which is something of a let down. But the movie was good, so that was nice. Also, no sales of the first audiobook out so far, so thatās a little frightening. Iām gonna blame it on the awkward cover art and almost complete lack of marketing plan and hope itās not my performance that sunk it, lol. Iāve also sent in a request for the giveaway copies, so maybe I can stir up some interest that way. Maybe. Also have one article left hanging over my head, as if I needed more pressure this month, and apparently that client hasnāt returned any feedback either, so thatās a little disturbing. Gonna try to forget all that and start producing, though, as Iām down to 3 weeks, which is terrifyingā¦
For interestsā sake, these are my post-The Circle comments on necessary edits to myself: Because the Tower is about disconnection and obedience and Coleās never disconnected, sheās able to break free. The resolution has to tie back to connection and obedience; Freedom is about shallow, disordered connection and no rules. You can survive without connection, but you canāt overcome. Cadence has to help with the Climax somehow. And Ange and Itri? Ravel? Cole thinks she can support connection for others without being a part of it? Denial gives death an opening? Then seeks out/admits connection on her terms?? Needs some sort of critique, opposition or response to the Tower by the end. Whatās the story arc resolution? What questions are answered?
Part 2
OK, I think maybe possibly Iāve got the map sorted and the continuity of plot in place from a character/world/quest perspective. Man do I love to complicate things for myself. Anyways. Despite instructions, gonna try to edit straight through from beginning to end with rewrites to ensure continuity, coherency and simply have some goal benchmarking so I can make sure Iām on track with the deadline. High goal is 10 chapters per day (out of ~60 = done in 1.5-2 weeks), low goal is 5/day (barely makes it by deadline assuming under 5 days/week solid work + setbacks when I inevitably realize Iāve got something else that needs changing and/or throw the whole plot and character arc out again. Onwards.
Part 3
Research into nightmare, dream-eating and water monsters. The Japanese Baku turns out to be a shockingly good fit, and along with some variation of kelpie a dream-eating sea monster is a surprisingly logical choice. Wanted to use some Roma or local First Nations legends and language, but Iām coming up blank on the research and donāt have a lot of time for it, so maybe Iāll weave that in later. For now, Iāve re-edited the first 5 chapters to swap in references to the Mara, which translates to useful things in a number of Indo-European languages. Unfortunately means penis in Japanese, so hopefully most readers donāt catch on. The Hebraic ābitterā and Gaelic āseaā as well as the use of Mare or Mara and variations thereof as words literally for nightmares works out quite neatly.
Monday
Start Time: 10 am, 1 & 6:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Peppermint tea
Day 198
13 May 2017
Itās terrible for measurable progress and productivity, but the best thing Iāve found to do while working on plot and creative changes to the book map, themes, character arcs etc. is toā¦ not work. Itās a very delicate balance, though. Too much time away from it, and I make no forward momentum. But stepping away for five minutes, or twenty, to watch a movie or take a bath or read a book, or even just sit down and sketch seems to give my brain the breathing room it needs to solve seemingly impossible problems.
The downside being that I keep coming up with more stuff to weave in which may or may not actually get me closer to being done and having a cohesive, appealing finished product. And also it keeps taking me longer to do things than I think. But in case anyone wondered, thatās why I canāt do much freelancing or work a traditional job or even hang out with people or pursue hobbies and write on the side; the creative problem solving doesnāt have enough space to work.
Thinking of tilting the direction for Cole (againā¦) Even though the āromance quotientā seems to grow with each draft, itās never felt like the central element to me (despite the demands of genre conventionsā¦) So, although Cole explores what she thinks and wants out of a relationship with Ravel, with Itri, to a certain extent even with Cass, itās never that important or central to her. What is core is her relationship with Cadence, which major spoiler of course, is her. So itās really all identity, knowing and reconciling with oneselfā¦ but then theyāre very different characters in the first book especially, so it comes off more as a sister or friend story of trust and rivalry. But I kind of like the girlsā relationship being the key element of the story, rather than the guy stuff. Even though dark fantasy and coming of age both dictate romance.
So thatāll be something to explore. But I keep coming up with cool ideas and then struggling to weave them inā¦ and I still donāt really get how to do character development with only one POV, so thereās thatā¦ and apparently subtlety just ended up making everything confusing for readers, but itās not good to explain too much, and also Cole needs to be more of a proactive character with more challenges to struggle against in order to move the plot forward. So basically can there be more action, less reflecting and a shorter word count? Man, if it werenāt a sure ticket to poverty, I really ought to have gone into literary fictionā¦
Saturday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Day 197
12 May 2017
Thinking Iām gonna give up the regular Fri-Sat trip to Vancouver to see the nephew to keep pushing forward with work (and hopefully get around to that freakinā last few freelance projects), which kinda sucks as I wonāt get to see them next weekend either, but given the timeline Iām on and how much harder I find each round of rewrites, it seems worth it. Story mapping is hard - every time, I start to stumble at around the halfway point, and moving forward character development and reveals at a cohesive and comprehensible rate feels near impossible. Yeah, I make progress each time, and there are traditional books and TV and film that stumble over this stuff too, butā¦ itās a competitive marketplace and good-enough just isnāt. Plus Iām a crazy perfectionist high-achiever whoās never happy with what I can put out, so thereās that. Internal and external motivation! Also known as endless anxiety and depression! Hooray for the arts!
Seriously, though; itās annoying to have all this cool backstory worked out, and almost no place to refer to it or use it in any meaningful way. And how do you have secondary character development with only one POV? So many mysteries in the background that Cole canāt know about. Frickin sucks. Of course, it would make the story like 800 pages long, but I really want to bring back in those other POV. Probably itās some level of writing skill that I need to learn to fix the whole thing, but gah, deadlines! Onwardā¦
Also not particularly surprising that the Audible book hasnāt moved any copies yet, but I had hoped that would emerge into a reasonable income stream in the background, and realistically I probably need to sink some time and energy into promoting that as wellā¦ yet another thing I donāt have time for, lol. Plus the chocolate startup needs some attention that I canāt really give it, and Iām concerned about its feasibility as a business in the first placeā¦ It has potential, but without a concerted effort and not an insignificant amount of gamblingā¦ yeah. But also Iām just feeling a little overwhelmed again, so things probably arenāt as rough as they feel. On the bright side, Iām in line for some non-writing freelance work in June, which could be a good way to shift gears, as well as cash in CAD$, which is something Iām getting short on what with all the international freelancing. I think itās a better move to leave things in original currencies if at all possible, but it does get disturbing to watch my primary Canadian account dwindle since spending is all local for the moment. So yeah, I have a feeling the rates still wonāt be what they should be, but better than nothing, and nice to have some work lined up for my next post-deadline stint without needing to hustle to get it!
Part 2
Right, time to suck it up and get stuff done! Iām still struggling more than Iād like to admit with the final emotional payoff in the climax; donāt want to go for the sappy cliche ending, but any time I try to step away from that I get pushback, soā¦ hopefully teasing out the second half of the book map will inspire some next-level brillianceā¦
Part 3
Well, that went differently than expected. Thunderstorm knocked me out, almost literally, for a couple hours. No focus. No, likeā¦ awakeness. So. Tired. But Iām back (mostly) now, and Iād better get some solid work in to make up for giving up on family time today! Lol motivationā¦
Friday
Start Time: 10 am, 2 & 6 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Homebrewed ginger beer with cardamom
Day 196
11 May 2017
So I made pretty great progress yesterday, capping off backstory for the Asheras, the Travellers, the Morrises and associated parties in well over 8k words and 16 pages, so go me. At which point I knocked off early and went to take pictures of potential bookish chocolate shop products at Costco and otherwise be questionably productive for the remainder of the day. Oh, but I made pretty kick-ass dinner with a bunch of Middle Eastern dishes, so that was cool. What I did not do was rejig the plot (technical jargon alert, lol) so as to stay on track for the next editorial deadline. Nor did I complete the outstanding freelance projects that are hanging over me. But hey, at least I went to bed earlyish!
Back to chocolate. I spontaneously came up with a name while waiting around for errands to be over with. I think it should be called Media Bites (or Bytes?) and then have product lines within that like Story Bites, Cinema Bites, Sound Bites (for classic albums/artists) and Cocktail Bites because of course we need to do an alcoholic line. Now, the downsides to all this are, weāre talking hot chocolate, which isnāt a bite so much as like a sip or a guzzle or somethingā¦ and also I havenāt done any research into how original or not that branding might be, and also it doesnāt allow for anything thatās not foodā¦ but itās an idea. Thereās also the issue of marketing/branding and visual identity, which I can sort of half-ass my way through, but which should really be done right. But startup fundsā¦ Augh. Anyways, thatās a nice distraction that I donāt need but should keep pushing forward regardless. Fun times!
Part 2
Plot mapping is slow and painful work. That is all. (also, my first Audible book is up for sale! Go check out Conor Kostickās The Book of Curses for some pretty amusing narration, lol.)
Thursday
Start Time: 10 am & 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: yerba mate nettle tea
Day 195
10 May 2017
Man, I always forget how much time chores take up. Spent yesterday voting, cooking, doing dishes, laundry, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, going to the store, the library, doing more dishesā¦ I mean, yes I was having a hard time sitting down and focusing, but still! Iād even cooked and done laundry on the weekend, so it wasnāt like the chores had all stacked up or anything!
I guess I just like to increasing the pressure and anxiety by putting off the things that really need doing like, I dunno, finishing this book and doing freelancing, lol.
Anyways, still stuck in backstory-land, but hoping to actually get down to work on the plot in the book map today. My working plan is to get the structure set as of this week (and polish off the last couple outstanding freelance assignments), and then have the remaining three weeks for rewritesā¦ which is not a lot of time, but meh, hereās hoping.
On the plus side, one of the two complete audiobooks is approved for sale and being set up on Amazon, Audible and iTunes, while the other just came back yesterday with the same feedback as the first (boost average volume), and Iāve finished that correction and sent it out, so those wonāt be hanging over me, ready to clamour for attention at some inopportune, deadline-approaching time. Also sent out three more auditions, for both flat-fee and royalty-share opportunities, so Iām free from recording requirements for a few weeks at least, unless I get on with recording a sample from BtEā¦ which I really should do, as someone else signed up for my mailing list and I should actually start promoting and sending messages to those folks, lol.
Part 2
So I think Iāve got backstory and plot done for the Maria/Ravel angle with hints at Cole & family historyā¦ gonna take a stab at some more detailed backstory for Itri - who really ought to be renamed - because he really needs some more depth too, and then hopefully get on to stitching the plot book map back together today. Hereās hoping!
Wednesday
Start Time: 10 am & 1 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: cardamom iced coffee
Day 194
08 May 2017
Four weeks to go in rewrites! Yikes!
So I had a great time catching up with a friend over the weekend and being almost totally unproductive. (I did cook a crazy amount of food for no real reason, do a bunch of loads of laundry, jot down some more ideas, kill a spider, and thoroughly determine that there was no point in finishing some show in my queue). But of course I didnāt actually get much done, so Iām paying for that now, lol. Couple outstanding articles with one of the content platforms that Iām really not sure when Iāll have time to get to, although yesterday would have been ideal. Polished off another audition for ACX and need to process another couple raw files to see if I canāt line something up for June when I actually have a little bit of time again. Just saw that one out of the two under-review ACX titles is now fully approved, QCd & on its way to publication after only a minor clean-up job to bring the average volume up a touch, so thatās encouraging that I wonāt have to sink any more time into getting the files out, affirming that I was able to produce to the necessary quality without much trouble, and exciting that I may perhaps one day make some money off of that work!
Sent off feedback to my cover artist this morning on her first drafts; theyāre pretty spectacular and so much more artistic and well-designed than my own (though that one beta readersā edition was getting pretty good). Really clever stuff happening with the gold and silver and threads and stuffā¦ though come to think of it, I guess I could have tried to weave some backstory in by letting the designer know using west coast, first nations and Romani/gypsy motifs was an optionā¦ oh well, thatās probably just unnecessary complexity at this point, and a hazard of designing the covers before the storyās fully edited. From an upfront costs perspective, Iād really love to spend less on editing and cover art, especially with the way the US dollar is rocketing off ahead, butā¦ Iām also seeing the value and quality that investment in solid production brings. I see indie authors making lots of noise about how great their cheap editors and designers are, butā¦ usually the lack of quality is there at a glance. Which, I guess the take home lesson is, just because itās better than what you can produce on your own doesnāt mean itās, you know, actually good on a competitive marketplace scale.
Speaking of design feedback, I was lucid dreaming this whole extended scenario this morning and woke up all disappointed that the graphic novel art was a little too rounded and youthful looking for the gritty SF-dystopia I wrote - and the urban futuristic train station setting somehow turned into a steampunk flying galleon with full 3D rendering, and I was stressing about telling the designer she got it wrong even though she did so much work and wondering if I could somehow recast the story to make it workā¦ Man, lucid dreamingās cool. So much more detail than I ever pick up on when Iām awake.
ā¦and now Iām just procrastinating because Iām scared I donāt have enough time to do this round of rewrites, so of course the obvious thing to do is just put off getting started for as long as possible. My brain is coolest when asleep; awake, it makes very little sense.
Monday
Start Time: 3 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair
Drinking: crappy lukewarm black tea with milk because Iāve been too lazy/cheap to go out and get some proper tea and itās a little late for cardamom coffee and I want to sleep more than six hours a night and I donāt particularly feel like drinking at the momentā¦
Day 193
03 May 2017
Iāve written on this subject ad nauseam, which by the way is totally spelled differently than I assumed, but anyways, wow is it hard to sit down and write. Or do anything related to the actual writing of a story, such as plotting, reviewing edits, typing, deleting etc. Writing is hard, you guys. (Inspired by Narbonic: Directorās Cut, which I have been devotedly reading instead of rewriting.)
Yes, I know this journal is 98% about procrastination. Deal with it. Also, if anyoneās actually read all the entries so far, you need to get a life harder than I do. Hah!
So. Back on subject. I canāt remember if Iāve written on the subject before, but when it comes to indie-producing a book and finances, thereās a whole range of options. A lot of folks will decry DIY approaches to editing and cover design, but then point you in the direction of fivrr or whatever that site is with rock bottom freelance prices. I figured my own efforts were at least as good as dirt-cheap outsourcing and went the high road with cover art and editorial freelancers who charge on the higher end of the spectrum. Now, as much as my Jewish/Scottish/German/poorfolks genetics wail at me to find a better deal, I do think itās worthwhile funding the industry of folks with talent, skill and hard work who want to put out good books, plus the part of me with a background in business and marketing figures thereās some fraction of a possibility that investment in producing a book the right way may pay off down the line. Anything else is basically a vanity project, whatever else folks tell you. But lately Iāve been more active in the Facebook ecosystem of indie author groups and exposed to a wider range of freelancers, some of whom offer fairly decent services for a significant chunk less than Iām spending, and that was getting me down for sure. That and the fact that the US dollar keeps climbing against Canadian, so Iām paying 25%+ more than list prices on everything - terrifying! Anyways. This round of editing really brought home to me the value of having top notch team members. None of this is magic, kids. Except for all of it. And therein lies the rub, as far more articulate peeps have said before me. Which is an exceedingly strange phrase, but anyways. Getting words on paper is hard work. Editorial reports are awkward documents pointing out the issues you already knew were there but were hoping were invisible to everyone but you. Cover artists need you to think through everything before they can produce anything worthwhile. But they add something more than the sum of the parts going in - skill, experience, inspiration that you just donāt have, and canāt afford to acquire.
All that to say, one of the first comments on this last editorial report really struck a chord and made me glad I chose the editor I did, because as soon as I read it, I was like: of course. Of course thatās the obvious solution to so many (seemingly huge) issues. Of course that needs to happen. Of course Ravel is actively at work against Cole from the beginning and throughout. Why have an antagonist who doesnāt make things harder for the protagonist and give her things to push against? Oh, right. Because I suck at villains and heās also a sort of love interest, and boosting his role is gonna force me to admit that this is probably destined to be a paranormal romance, which I feel super awkward about writing, but it still is and thereās no way around that.
So hereās what Iāve got to navigate - and double time, ācause Iāve got less than a month until line edits and my freelancing work is a nightmare at the moment. Ravel knows more than Cole realizes, from (before) the start. Heās the one working behind the scenes to force her along, though there are some other, lesser tormentors as red herrings into the mix. In particular, Cole has to trust him earlier so he can be gas lighting her throughout her time in Freedom, actively trying to dismiss and suppress her fears, concerns, her understanding of her own power so she doesnāt realize how sheās connected to the dreams.
Why and how is he doing this? Meh. I havenāt really found out yet either. Wish me luck!
Wednesday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Cabernet Sauvignon
Day 192
02 May 2017
So in typical fashion, Iāve been putting off diving back in until the last possible moment, lol. Mostly good stuff; I definitely didnāt get through my full list for last month, but I probably knocked off nearly half of it, and thatās saying something, considering I kept on adding stuff.
The biggest addition has been a nascent startup plan! The bookish chocolate shop is gaining steam, and Iāve been distracted with correspondence, sourcing trips, research, and building intricately detailed spreadsheets. Still a ways from launch, or even really knowing if itās feasible or not, but thatās one more thing to have on the go!
Totally havenāt done any trip planning, or even let people on the other side of the pond know where Iām at, so bad on me for that, but wow itās been busy. Freelancing was also irritatingly slow to pick up - Iām up and running with two new copywriting services, I have two audiobooks under review with ACX (by award-winning Irish author Conor Kostick!) and a few more raw files that I should clean up for auditions on my hard drive - but of course it all came together only last week, so most of the month was spent in chasing work, angsting about working, and generally not making money. The good news is, I should have enough traction to hit it hard in June, which is when Blind the Eyes next goes out for editing. The bad news is, I donāt really have time this month for everythingā¦
On the marketing front, Iāve been only moderately lazy; my IG is now over 1.5K and gaining ground slowly - probably because I havenāt actually learned to improve my photos and I havenāt been particularly consistent or interactive. My FB is slooooowly gaining ground, mostly by way of author groups, but hey, at least I got enough followers to have my own shortlink! And metrics! Which reminds me, I really need to update my website linksā¦ And speaking of website, I managed to do a bit of minor redesign to tie in the graphic banners I made for FB and Twitter back to the site and headline BtE over the Wattpad stories that - I know! - I havenāt updated in like two months and countingā¦ But Iāve got the first beta edition of Blind the Eyes up and running on Wattpad with daily releases that no oneās reading, so at least Iām active? Promises to blog on my own site have, of course, gone nowhere at all, but itās not like anyoneās complaining, and I still havenāt launched a newsletter, but my mailing list has a whole four subscribers (thanks guys!) so thatās cool. Mostly itās because I know I should offer some actual content and sign-up freebies on the newsletter, and in the absence of those I really donāt see the point of spamming people, lol. Planned to record the first 1, 10, 5, or some random number of chapters of the current edition as a freebie preview ebook, but got busy and a little discouraged and never did it. May still do it. Depends on how bad the editorial feedback is that Iām resisting reading, lol. Also need to plot and write short stories/novellas as freebies. Some good ideas that have gone nowhereā¦ but I saw my nephew lots, read a bunch of books, improved my freelancing standing and generally had a pretty decent month, so there!
On the writing front. Ok, deep breath. Yeah. Itās ok, I think. I was super encouraged to have beta readers for the first time from my social media channels - two responded to the call on IG, and one from an author group on FB that I participate in. Only one response so far, which was crushingly bad actually, so that was terrifying, since sheās probably one of the readers most in the target demographicā¦ but other responses have been shining, including my editorās emails (again, havenāt read her full reports yet)ā¦ so Iām gonna have faith in this process and my own stubbornness and keep pushing forward. Despite the crushing, panic-attack-inducing effect of less-than-glowing feedback, it is super valuable in helping me see things from a readerās perspective and at least flags things I may want to pay more attention to. Hopefully a few of the other beta readers get back to me with their detailed feedback within the next week or two and I can collate responses to get a better idea of how the book will be received. Oh, and thereās someone on FB putting out feelers about issuing an Indie-author specific book box, so thatās hugely exciting. Iām a little concerned, because startup lol, and also they donāt seem to be screening the authors/books very closely, at least at this stage, but if it actually makes it to production and is well coordinated, I think itāll be totally awesome, and itād be amazing to have my books and/or the bookish shop involved!
Mākay, I think Iāve killed about as much time as I can before taking the plunge. Time to find out just what Iām in for on this round of rewrites. Wish me luck!
Tuesday
Start Time: 4:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 191
02 Apr 2017
It should come as a surprise to no one that Iām resisting finishing this up, lol. Partly, Iām afraid to look at the 8 (!) chapters I wrote yesterday; hitting the build-up, climax and cleanup all in one go sort of makes sense, in the same way that drinking while writing does. It can go very right, or embarrassingly wrong.
But actually, I have a pretty good feeling about the ending - itās been the hardest part to stick, and I tend to like my endings until I reread them, sleep on them, and realize theyāre emotional, nonsensical, and lacking in clear explanations or any continuity with the rest of the book. But, still - it seemed good last night. And I was super impressed at myself for producing over 8 chapters and 10K words of āfreshā writing over 7 hours all in one go; thatās a new record byā¦ a lot. I could work it out if I cared; honest I could.
Another advantage to plowing right through to the end is having an extra day to do cleanup, tweaks, and paperwork before submission tomorrow. Which I should be grateful for, but mostly I just want to be done now, so Iām resisting the final push. That, and I was so hyped up last night that I didnāt actually fall asleep until well after 2am. (Thanks SJMaas, btw!) Seriously, Iām pretty sure Iām the same person I was in the 4th grade, which is a scary thought.
But on the energizing side of things, I casually mentioned that this would be a good time for any prospective beta readers to get in touch in my social media updates last night, and got 3 (!) IG followers asking to read. Super exciting stuff; not only has my IG marketing experiment managed to connect with real human beings, they like the bits and pieces Iāve shared and are actually in my target audience, unlike most of the first round readers (Youāre all awesome though!) Itās sort of amazing the progression with this project - from trying to wrap my head around even getting started, much less finishing a full draft, to trying to connect with an audience, and now things are really starting to take shape!
So where do we go from here? This will probably be the last ājournalā update for a while (until May), but Iāve finally got a News section up, so Iāll make an effort to keep that updated with anything that goes on over the next month. Iāve promised to keep my hands off Blind the Eyes whenever my editorās working on it, but Iāll pick up both of the webserials on Wattpad etc., and Iām contemplating putting up the first version of Blind the Eyes as well starting sometime this month. Iām also considering relaunching the publishing section that I hid early on with more coherent (lol) details of what this process has looked like for me and will look like, and maybe get a reviews, suggested reading or Indie author feature segment going, in addition to cleaning up the website (yet again), growing all social media channels, and launching a newsletter. Iāll also put some more thought (and, optimistically, work) into freebie incentives for engagement, maybe get a poll up on what people would like to see.
Oh, and I want to watch Netflix, make some money freelancing, see friends, be lazy, go outside the house on occasionā¦ yeah, the next monthāll be gone in no time at all! Until Phase 3~
Sunday
Start Time: 3:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Honey spiced old fashioned
Day 190
01 Apr 2017
So, this is it (maybe, lol). Gotta write that climax today. Or possibly tomorrow night. But a final edit/run through tomorrow night/Monday really is in order, and some updated character notes would be good, so today really should be it. Yikes. Guess weāll see how that goesā¦
Had an idea for my website/promotions - I wonder if a section called āRead Indieā, where I curate a quality list of Indie novels (prob. YA Fantasy), would be of value? Then I could do a newsletter featuring that, and possibly bring in some cash for ads or ask for cross promotions or at least drive some traffic to my site or somethingā¦ I canāt be the first person to have thought of this, but it seems like a good idea, if only because someone needs to cut through all the shit and help readers find the gems.
Iāve noticed a fair number of Indie author newsletters that I follow include works by other authors, so itās pretty much just an extension of that idea. The key stumbling block, as I see it, is finding the time to actually read enough Indie books to find some worth recommending, sadly.
Itās stressing me out that there are more excellent and super-hyped YA books coming out every month than I can possibly keep up with. For that reason alone, I may try to query some agents next month and get on with trad. publishers instead of just going Indie.
Saturday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 189
31 Mar 2017
Whatās your obsessive thing that you do when youāre avoiding what you should be doing? Right now, all I can think about is making chocolate chip cookies. Which is bizarre, because I donāt particularly care for cookies, and I really donāt like chocolate chip. But my sound equipment already arrived, so I guess my brain had to move on to some other purposeless or slightly negative desire. Sigh.
Iām being (characteristically) angsty about having to write today. Iāve reached the end of content that needs to be rewritten, and now weāre into sketched out area only detailed in the book map to date. Which shouldnāt be that big a deal as Iāve already written well over 100K words, butā¦ yeah. Logic. Not a friend to writers. And so, instead of getting down to it and pushing through so I can meet my deadline on Monday(!!), Iām putzing around wasting time. Lol. I wonder if Iāll ever get to the point where itās easy to just sit down and write, or if itāll always be this sort of internal battle to convince myself that yes, this really is what I want to be doing, and yes, it is worth my time, and yes, I can do thisā¦
Friday
Start Time: 3:15 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 188
30 Mar 2017
Oops. So I thought I had until the end of next week until my editorial deadline, and it turns out itās MONDAY! I think I was looking at the June day instead or somethingā¦ so anyways, thatās like the difference between having a week to write the last third of Blind the Eyes and, like, a day or two? Eeek! Definitely shouldnāt have gone to Whistler (especially because I never really even made it outdoors)
ā¦but I think itās probably still doable. Struggling with the pressure to bring in work fast next month, and the sneaking suspicion that itās just not going to happen, between learning audiobook narration and marketing, but also trying to let that go and get down to work. Lots of distraction in the immediate environment as family go through round after round of interviews, and all the associated questions related to that. Am I going back to the UK? To Ontario? Alberta? The US? Staying put? And where the heck am I going to get my meds from, living without any healthcare?! Also looking forward next month to doing things like playing music and getting off my ass/the couch on occasion. Hereās hoping!
Thursday
Start Time: 2:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 187
29 Mar 2017
In typical fashion, immediately after hyper-productivity, I get next to nothing done. Which is cool and all; I had a few hours alone in the house, so a little indulgence was in order. And not entirely true; ended up doing quite a bit of marketing research. Interesting that it is actually possible to have hardcovers printed up. Yet another thing to debateā¦ Also saw some numbers on Kindle Publishing - yikes! In around $10K in one year isā¦ better than a few hundred dollers/not earning out outsourced investment, but stillā¦ absolutely no one is living off this stuff, even the āsuccessā stories, which is insane when you think about how much work, time, money etc. goes in. Learned a little on how to get books into distribution for stores, and in particular, libraries, so thatās a promising leadā¦ and considering staying in this location, or Canada at least, until after publication, which opens up better doors for promotion and sales, but is of course a huge about-faceā¦
Curious about the sound equipment coming in next week and if thatāll prove to open any doors or add any value. Iām seeing some stuff that reiterates the value of video for younger segments of the population, which is a terrifying thought, and came across a platform where you submit query letters to agents. Though itās yet another distraction, I think Iāll muck around in that world for a bit too. YA seems to be one of those borderline things where the value of going Indie and e-book-first is questionable, and apparently some agents do work with Indies and feel like they can both provide and receive enough value in that to make a go of it.
Wednesday
Start Time: 3 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: spiced honey Old Fashioned
Day 186
23 Mar 2017
New record; 7 chapters, 10K+ words yesterday. This round of rewrites is mostly reading through and tweaking, with some heavier rewriting every 5-10 chapters to add scenes. So, definitely not producing 10K words in like 4 hours, lol. The timeline will be tight, but Iām wavering between feeling like I can totally make it, and dreading how much refining Iāll have to skip over to meet deadline.
Thursday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 185
22 Mar 2017
Sound equipment is in the mail; maybe I can record the first chapter of BtE and offer that as a freebie? A lot of indie authors - including some established, quality ones, not just the wannabes - really rely heavily on free content as an incentive. The trouble is, with so much free content out there, itās pretty easy for people to surf around collecting it without caring to go any further. Or just dismiss it entirely as valueless. So Iām just not sure about return on investment for putting in the effort, time, finances into polishing up some additional form of media for that purpose. Iām more inclined to agree with the authors who refuse to give away full novels and offer previews, novellas and alternate media insteadā¦ but Wattpad stories donāt seem to really be of interest, and mine arenāt really up to full polish yet at the moment, and wonāt be for some timeā¦ and the problem remains, as a debut artist, no one actually wants what youāre offering yet. How to play the game - and how to create something thatās so valuable that you donāt have to play the gameā¦ For today, I keep up with the existing social media and press onward with BtE hoping to make something worth something to someone. Lol.
Wednesday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 184
21 Mar 2017
Shoved through the first 5 chapters with some significant improvements to the first two yesterday. Thereās maybe still too much narrative worldbuilding at the front, but at least itās interspersed with some dialogue-based action now! In some ways, I have such a hard time cutting my own text that Iād be better of writing fresh, but I cling to the idea that itās faster to rework existing text (plus I canāt bear to delete any of those precious words, lol).
I figure I need to keep up a pace of at least 5 chapters/day for the remaining three weeks to hit my April 5 deadline - 5 chapters times ~15 days leaves adequate time for the inevitable slowdown near the end where the third act needs to be written freshā¦ except that the pattern of baby visits has sliced most weeks down to 4 (or less) working days, and I should probably do another spin through the whole thing at the end to clean up, capture any late changes, and strategize at the scene level. So Iād be better off completing in excess of 5 chapters a day - 7 or more; 10, ideally. Yeah, not likely, I know. Also pretty much dropping everything else for three weeks, which doesnāt set me up for a good April - international travel, mad consulting/freelance, and learning voiceover narration in three weeks or less? Wish me luck, lol.
Part 2
Just saw more people bashing Carve the Mark on IG and finally felt the need to comment. Now, it may be horribly racist and discriminatory in multiple ways; I havenāt read it, or anything by Veronica Roth, actually, but it was the way things were being approached. People encouraging each other not to read, upset that theyād bought the book, congratulating each other on scorning itā¦ Just, really sad to see, in a forum for book lovers that encourages reading. It was like a far-left variety of book-banning; we donāt like this story, so letās condemn it and its author. Even if Veronica Roth or her publisher holds the discriminatory views others say theyāve detected in her work, intelligent discourse and, idk, maybe thinking for ourselves? is desperately needed. The comments Iām seeing are horrifying not because of the platforms (racism=bad isnāt that controversial, though some of the comments areā¦), but because people are vociferously trying to censor others. A fair warning on content is fair; unqualified attacks are not. So now Iām off to get that book in protest, even though Iāll probably hate itā¦
Tuesday
Start Time: 4 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 183
20 Mar 2017
I really failed to log the work last week; no actual writing progress, but lots of broad book progressā¦ 7.5 hours of redoing the plot Monday, another 5 on Tuesday to fill it out and refine, another 4 on Wednesday to transfer it all to Excel and tweak, and then another 4 on Thursday to write up 10 pages of cover art notes.
But no, like, chapters finished or word count momentum, and still the whole climax-resolution, basically the last third needs to be written. And the whole thing rewritten to match the new plot. And I was out in Vancouver F/S, so thereās a week gone. Plus, obsessively distracted by the remote possibility of getting into audiobook narration. So yeah, itās going to be an insane push to get through by deadline!
But I finally updated Wattpad etc. that the serials are on hold (after missing 2 weeks of posts) until after the editorial deadline, and I think the cover art stuff is out of the way until mid April or later, and I feel like Iāve got a pretty clear idea of what Iām doing with the story and can maybe push through the rest quicklyā¦ Maybe. So here goesā¦
Monday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Nettle tea
Day 181
15 Mar 2017
And after 7.5 hours on plot last night, still not done. But getting there. Some good improvements, but itās such a monumental, complex beast to deal with. Now Iāll waste time yet again converting it to Excel, and then running through the draft to bring discrepancies in lineā¦ sigh. Oh, and my cover art homework is due tomorrow, which is a terrifying thought. And Iām out to Vancouver Friday to Saturday again, soā¦ kind of a write-off on the forward momentum this week. Bleargh.
Wednesday
Start Time: 6 & 11 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Gear: flipchart/taped tags
Drinking: Malbec
Day 180
14 Mar 2017
After all my crowing about how Iāve gotten so much faster and more productive, this final quarter of the book is turning out to be a slow, painful, fight for every minute push. Some of that is valid distraction. Some of it is spring, allergies, increasing outside pressures as the world tries to break in on me again. Lots of it is panic about what Iām doing - is it good enough, is it going in the right direction, will I be able to take it where I need to goā¦
I just finished Sarah J Maasā A Court of Mist and Fury, and wow. Just, wow. Iām so challenged by these excellent books that deal with all sorts of messy, complex issues, and tell a compelling, exciting, fast-paced, high-stakes story along with it. I donāt want to just throw up my hands and go, oh well, itās my debut novel and Iāll do better later in my career, oh well, I donāt have a big publisher or pro editor to push me, oh well, I just tell weird, indulgent tales that are literary and weakly plotted. But despite my prideful determination, I donāt have much more than self-aggrandizing assertions behind the push for better, more, faster. I spend the whole day thinking about how I should do something about my plot, and then canāt get more than two minutes into it before cringing and turning away in exhausted confusion. Damn plot. Damn character arcs. Damn artistic undisciplined mindset that fails to think in a structured manner. Also, damn distractions, people bopping around constantly, and reality that expects me to be responsible for anything beyond creative output.
Ok, rage over. Hereās todayās plan; make use of the pathetic amount of time left to push further on with the draft built on shaky plot and characterization and worry about fixing it at a later date. Now that Iāve fully established that hiring an editor does not magically push things in the right direction, I have to hold the tension of knowing things need to be done, and making myself remember and do them or suffer. So, yay.
What lots of it comes down to; be nastier to Cole. Demand more from plot. Make it less about emo-ness, more about action. Which means yet another whole draft that I donāt have time to write. For a completely different book. In, oh, about two weeks. Bleagh. I want to stab something. Or blow it up. Etc.
Tuesday
Start Time: 3:45 & 7 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Gear: flipchart/taped tags
Drinking: Malbec
Day 179
13 Mar 2017
Time change is an evil, evil invention that ought to be erased from human existence.
In other news, I hired a cover artist! Which Iām kinda panicking about b/c itās yet another significant investment that Iāve got to make worthwhile, and Iāve had several days of not being that productive and still have some concerns over the plot coherency, but panic is apparently my natural state.
Reading Sarah J. Maasā A Court of Mist and Fury and impressed with the incredible (feminist) character growth, despite how much I donāt agree with some of her premises. And feeling inadequate, yet again, as a result, lol. I really admire the messiness of Feyreās character, but I struggle to tell a coherent and inspiring story without making it too simplistic. Or incoherently full of every possible thing. Tried to spend some more time on plot today, but between Monday-ness and time-changeless and a death in the extended family and travel planning getting closer and all, I basically made no progress. Also, I only just figured out (yesterday) that the Christian perspective on women and specifically women in the church, is a massive mostly un-grounded mess, so thatās been fun. Lol. You think youāve mastered the critical thinking stuff, and then you find gaping holes that youāve conveniently just taken on board. Yeah. Awesome. So thereās that.
But mostly Iām just feeling lazy and distracted and dissatisfied, and having trouble thinking coherent thoughts, which doesnāt translate well to brilliant writing. Oh well, back at it, for what thatās worth!
Monday
Start Time: 4:15 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 178
09 Mar 2017
So I think I found a cover artist! Man, that happened fast! The paper artist from the UK never got back to me, so no original art, but thereās someone with really pro work (up to and including custom photo shoots!) - sadly, from the states so exchange, but I havenāt seen any freelancers with the quality she offers. It was one of those power-of-social-media things, where she liked something of mine, then I checked her out and she was running a promotion, then talks, then thereās a contract waiting and homework to do! Iām putting off sealing the deal until tonight b/c distractions, but itās looking like a pretty sure thing. And the price is a little on the high range, but I didnāt want to go cheap and āIndie-lookingā. So around $700 USD for a full cover that I can use for ebooks and print (fingers crossed). Exciting how real stuff is getting, but also scary! Like, now I have to write something worthy of real pro cover art, lol. And probably step up my branding gameā¦ One of the real hard things about all of this is the level of investment, both time and money. Without any additional marketing investment, the bill for prepaid services will run well to around $5K, plus 3 years of my time basically full time, plus Iām sure Iāll have to spend something on marketing at some point here, and I totally havenāt looked into printing costs, in case I want to have an alternative to CreateSpace to work withā¦ so yeah, motivation to write an excellent book that people will love and want to buy and talk about, but also mad pressure!
Couldnāt fall asleep last night for some reason, so I polished off Garth Nixās Goldenhand, which was typically excellent and inspired me to write better fantasy (not that I actually have any high fantasy on the books, but still), and also made me glad I couldnāt remember much about that first book in the Abhorsen series. Because, spoilers. In fact, just donāt read this paragraph. Anyways, so I finished it and wasnāt tired, so I decided to take the plunge on The Lovely Reckless by Kami Garcia, which was absolutely amazing. I read 3/4 of it or more last night, and finished up this morning. Loved it, and Iām not usually that into contemporary fiction. It just had great atmosphere. The romance stuff wasnāt too gushy, but it was appealing, and really explained the whole bad-boy context well (with probably some idealistic spin, but whatever), and all the story line threads came together masterfully at the end.
Speaking of masterful writing (lol), Iām definitely not finishing rewrites this week, but I was pretty pleased with yesterdayās progress. A new record: over 6K words in 3 chapters! With lots and lots of recycling, of course, but still. Given my track record, and start time today, that means Iāll get next to nothing done today, but still! Sneaking up on that climax and ending, so maybe Iāll actually get through this and have a chance to clean it up and check for something that makes sense (fingers crossed) before deadline! Which is good, ācause my editor checked in with me today and I think weāre go for the original timeline. Not gonna lie, Iām pretty nervous to get back into trying to sort things out by the book map, but itās the best/only way to get everything lining up, and I think there may still be too many themes/storylines and ideas floating around muddying the waters. So thatāll be fun. And Iām probably done for this week after today; out to see family on Friday/Sat, so itāll be amazing if I can even get my webserial TGOoH out on timeā¦
Isnāt funny how some days, nothing changes, and then others, thereās a ton going on? In addition to correspondence with my editor and cover artist, there was a recruiter getting in touch (so, hasty resume polishing) this morning. Would be a massive change of plans to take a FT day job in Vancouver again at this stage of the game, but might be worth looking at funding my adventuresā¦
Thursday
Start Time: 3:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 177
08 Mar 2017
Some encouraging developments on the book marketing front; slow growth on FB, but growth nonetheless, another person reaching out on IG and joining the mailing list (thanks!), and dialing the website in to feature the mailing list more prominently. Gotta keep believing every bit helps! And more good news; I either fought off that cold that was coming on, itās taking a bit of a break, or it was just a bad run of allergies, ācause Iām doing way better today. Probably not on track for finishing the rewrites this week, which is a shame, but Iāll at least write my way to the climax scenes before next week now.
Wednesday
Start Time: 1:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Tulsi tea
Day 176
07 Mar 2017
Yesterday was pretty much a wash, and todayās not looking great either, but in the interest of not just totally dropping out of writing to nurse a cold, Iāll see if I canāt generate a little something while being hit by fever-induced hot flashes. Who knows, it could be the greatest writing yet!
In other news, my first giveaway experiment doesnāt seem to be of interest, but my new FB page is doing not terrible, and by that I mean that sharing it as myself not only got a little interest from FB friends, but thereās some other mystery folks following too, so thatās a plus. Will have to think about some custom content for it as it grows and experiment with what sort of interactions generate interest.
Another thought that I really donāt have time for right now; I wonder if I could rally some other indie authors, debut or otherwise, and put together a sort of compilation book as a giveaway, incentive sort of deal? First chapters of all debut books or short stories around a theme or something? Might be more work than its worth, but I keep hearing about the value of alliances and cross-promotion, and thereās a potentially altruistic bent that appeals to meā¦ of course, it would be better if Iād just get into a writers group and make some actual connections firstā¦
Also put in a proposal on a fairly significant SEO copywriting project that could generate income for next month. I feel like my chances arenāt great, since it was posted on a network thatās mostly full of low-rate second-language freelancers, but hey, it was good practice in writing proposals, since itās been a while (lol). Yet another thing I need to get on; start bidding on projects for next month so my entire income isnāt riding on a book that Iāve yet to actually publish!
Tuesday
Start Time: 4 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 175
06 Mar 2017
So weāll have to see how this goes. Took it pretty easy (somewhat/kinda/sorta) over the weekend, feeling like I needed more of a break to refuel and have the creativity to get through the critical ending this weekā¦ but then spent most of the time on marketing stuff, getting FB, website & that giveaway up and running, though I may have missed the mark anyways with it, and couldnāt fall asleep until after 3am and now Iām either coming down with a cold or allergies are hitting as hard as one so yeah, plan: rest & recharge was kinda a failure. But! Iām feeling moderately clearheaded at the moment, itās quiet, and Iām committed. Letās do this thing!
Tuesday
Start Time: 3:15 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 174
03 Mar 2017
Didnāt even bother posting a progress update yesterday; barely made it to half a chapter, if that, and Iām pretty sure Iāll need to rewrite it all today anyways. Allergy-induced foggy-head isnāt helping. Taking a pass on IG updates and general forward momentum, but I kinda wished Iād just gone all-in on the laziness and enjoyed the day instead of banging my head (figuratively) against the keyboardā¦
Friday
Start Time: 1:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 173
02 Mar 2017
Getting there. If I can keep from psyching myself out with how important the next several scenes are, I should finish up this round of rewrites sometime next week. Early, if I keep it together. Thereās still bits of recyclable content cropping up here and there.
Part 2
Ugh tough slogging tonight. Itās at least partially allergies to blame, but blech. Like thinking through mud.
Thursday
Start Time: 3:30 & 6:15 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 172
01 Mar 2017
Today I feel totally unproductive and like going back to bed, but actually itās only mid afternoon (=still time for writing!) and I got my tax returns submitted, and they turned out to be way more in my favour than I expected, so sunshine and unicorns all āround! Did some solid work on updating cover art and promo posts yesterday; after sleeping on it and seeing the results in the cold light of day, I think thereās still a few tweaks to be done, but the final product is serviceable and comparable or better with what Iām seeing from other authors. I feel like some indie authors are really challenging establishment marketing and presentation standards, probably because authors donāt invest in it the same way once theyāre making money and can afford to focus on the stuff they care about (not marketingā¦)
If I werenāt about to be travelling again, Iād seriously consider opening a bookish Etsy store. I think Iām starting to have a strong enough grasp of the marketing factors and trend-awareness to do well, but Iām not sure itās possible to make high enough margins to make it worth my timeā¦ Best idea so far? Make custom hot chocolate based on characters/locations/books by adding spices n stuff. Iāve seen lots of bath and paper products, wearables, candles and even tea, but not really hot chocolate, so I feel like thatās a strong untapped market. But again, cost/benefit needs to be run and I definitely canāt lug supplies around while travelling. So, file under future desperate moves.
Wednesday
Start Time: 2:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: spiced hot cocoa
Day 171
28 Feb 2017
Still procrastinating on the travel plans; some exciting developments on the home front that could really impact the choices I makeā¦ although if past experience has anything to say about it, Iām likely to end up waiting around for ages and nothing much happening, lol. If things do go ahead, itāll take away from overall travel/digital nomadism fun, and also writing time, but offer more financial stability. Also, itāll be something very worth doing, so Iām tentatively excited about the prospect. But while itās interesting to think about, itās also a huge distraction from getting on with the writing, and Iām finishing this book darnit (and probably a few to several to dozens after itā¦) so onwards!
The trickle of IG love is still dripping along, which is a huge encouragement and motivation. Thanks again for the love guys; your comments, likes and messages really help me stay engaged, have hope and keep pushing forward! I worked some more on graphics last night, and Iām going to keep trying to pull together the last few threads to get that giveaway up and running as soon as I possibly can!
But yeah, focus is hard, yāall. In more good news, I think Iām moving toward the end at a good clip and may only have a third to a quarter of this draft left to write! ā¦the bad news being, plot-wise I only just hit the midpoint, so something about the balance is a bit iffy (lol). I really hope I donāt have 50% left to write thoughā¦
Tuesday
Start Time: 1:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: water
Day 170
27 Feb 2017
So every night Iām like; ok, so tomorrow Iāll just sit down and get right to work early and get in a crazy amount and totally rock this rewrite and finish earlyā¦ and then itās midafternoon and I finally force myself to get startedā¦
lol. In other news, I think Iām a definite late-in-the-day/night-writer.
Finally got to work on pulling together and photographing my giveaways, though Iām not entirely happy with the results. Made some custom corner book marks b/c I was wasting way too much time surfing Etsy and trying to find some good ones that would ship in a reasonable amount of time and also match my themes. The results arenāt epic, but theyāre not absolutely terrible, so I feel like thatās a win, and actually, the packages are better than I expected once I got them all together. Now I just have to finish pulling together my FB page, making custom graphics for it and my website, sort out some rules and get this show on the road.
Ugh, graphics. So thatās going to take forever and still be unsatisfyingā¦ So maybe Iāll just dive in and get my writing done first and keep procrastinating on that oneā¦
I also need to do another spin through the plot and refine the updated plan so I can (hopefully) speed through the rewrites-to-date and adjust for what the ending necessitates. And I should really take the day off tomorrow and go in to Van to catch up with friends and see baby Jasper, but then Iād have to get my FotC serial chapter done todayā¦ and I should get on with booking flights and trip planning, soā¦ Yeah, I think Iāll just write and pretend none of that other stuff is happening! :)
Part 2
So. Hard. To. Focus. Also, thanks a lot to the guy who posted giant Australian spiders to IG. I appreciate the reminder that I never want to go to Australia.
Monday
Start Time: 3:15 & 8 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: spiced cinnamon hot cocoa & malbec
Day 169
25 Feb 2017
So yesterday actually went really well. Despite losing 3.5 hours on plot, I think it was worth it; Iām tightening things up, and really was able to get a better handle on the climax and how that ties things up. Unfortunately, I really need to backtrack and refine everything else now to support that ending, but at least now I have a clear(er) target to aim for. I seem to be bad at endings.
I also think Iāve still got too much of an āinternal developmentā thing going on with the plot and character arc. Character development is great, but without the external action, it gets too slow and literary-fiction-y, and as much as I kind of love doing things that way, its not what I love reading (at least, probably maybe notā¦? I like well plotted stuff as well as the weirdā¦) and Iām pretty sure itās not what people want to read. Iām having a terrible time seeing where to make those changes, though, without just losing what Iāve created/the value of whatās been done/the uniqueness etc. Iād hoped that hiring an editor would really give me that insight and perspective to shape it appropriately, but Iām frustrated with the process. Obviously I donāt have recent experience of what itās like with a major publisher, but the arrangement I have just doesnāt seem close or allow for a great deal of back and forth. Thereās no āgetting-to-know-youā process, and Iām not clear on my editorās reading/familiarity in YA besides that she says she does itā¦ I have a feeling weāre talking about different things a lot, but maybe Iām just being defensive about my work and not wanting to see what she tries to point outā¦
In any case, good things were done and I kept at it for 8+ hours between one thing and the other, which I think is record breaking for me, if we exclude research and marketing efforts. That also includes my serial chapter for Things Got Out of Hand, which I hammered out at the end of the night in no time flat, as if I were flying (or drunk, which I wasnāt). I basically hopped up and down in place for a while after it was done, so jazzed and energized. The tone, the plot, the banter, it just flowed. So in the zone. And no, I donāt want to think about how it took me like 7 hours to get thereā¦ but anyways, TGOoH is looking kinda supernatural rom-com at the moment, with bitchy antisocial sarcasm, so a bit like Sherlock (tv), now that I think of it, but less brilliant. Anyways, Iām feeling good about it, even though itās kinda directionless and steering super far away, yet again, from where I wanted to take it. I may need to just face up to the fact that I canāt recapture, or more to the point, rewrite the story and feelings that I put into it as a teen. Iām just not in a place to do heartrendingly sweet romance. Plus, it was never a proper story, just a bit of a set-up. No tension. No issues. So Iād have to start from a different place, or use it as backstory or something to make that work (see, Iām learning! I may not be putting it into practice properly yet, but Iām learning!)
Which led into todayās marketing efforts. WAY too much time spent on IG again, and on browsing Etsy for bookish giveaway products. Thankfully or problematically, with everyone else out of the house, I could have Buffy the Vampire Slayer on in the background. Which contributed to me not actually doing any writing until 6 pm, but anywaysā¦ the good news is, I signed up my first person to my mailing list! Letās all stop and admire that triumph for a momentā¦ and then shake our heads at how long its taking me to actually get the rest of my book marketing rolling. Baby steps. Itās partly graphics; they take me forever, arenāt shameful, but arenāt stellar either, and hold me back from just getting stuff rolling. Maybe tomorrowā¦ but! Posting my daily updates continues to connect with a trickle of fans impressed with the innovative form and the content itself, and TGOoH made an impression today as well as BtE, so if I can keep it together and find the time while financially keeping my head above water, I may be able to publish 3 books in the next 12-15 months! Which could get me to the place in my publishing career that I need to be to pull this off! Although, I probably donāt have a prayer of having enough funds to keep up that pace and will have to take a time-out to earn cashā¦ Still, itās a surprisingly hopeful place to be! Keep doing what Iām doing, and do it a little better, a little longer, and a little faster all the time, and I may make it! Assuming people donāt hate my books once theyāre out. Or ignore them. Orā¦
Right, better get on with the writing before I talk myself into a slump, lol. Anyways, Iāve been treating Sundays as a āday of restā b/c commandments and gifts of God and creative renewal and general laziness and all that, but I also know a lot of writing advice really pushes the whole write every day thing, plus I am feeling that disconnect where I get my head into it, and then stop almost immediately, so marathon writing sessions might actually be good if I could pull them off. Anyways, Iām not going to try to write/rewrite BtE on Sundays, but Iām considering using them as marketing day (although that seems a little off - maybe more like creative (graphic) design day?) and also starting short story or micro fiction challenges, something short and differentā¦ Iām not sure if I can/should schedule myself every day with expectations, but I could really use some experience crafting complete story arcs, and I canāt do 2-3 a year, so I need to get into shorter fiction for practice. I canāt believe I just wrote that, but there it is. I think thatās the only way to really get a handle on the way I canāt plot endings, or, you know, plots. So thereās that. One more thing to work into the rotation. Iāve been impressed at how motivating targets are; I stress about them, which leads to procrastinating, but I also meet them; I havenāt missed a weekly serial release yet (there are 2), and that consistent 2-chapter thing in my daily updates on IG keeps me pushing longer than I otherwise would. What Iām not clear on is, do the additional targets take away from what I put into BtE, or do they exist in a separate place in my head and creative energy and stuff? Itās not like I work on BtE for ten hours a day or anything (not even closeā¦) So yeah, thoughts and stuff to doā¦
Saturday
Start Time: 7:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Hermannator Ice Bock
Day 168
24 Feb 2017
Yay - first ārealā author comment! Unsurprisingly, it was on a glowing review, but still. Thanks for the interaction Kendare Blake! Made my day :) And seriously guys, go check out her work. Anna Dressed in Blood wowed me, the Goddess Wars were epic, and now with Three Dark Crowns? Sheās like the James Patterson of YA, except with better writing, fantasy, character insight, complexityā¦ ok, so theyāre nothing alike, other than sheās the plotting queen. Mind. Blown. I canāt even-
So, letās talk about plot. I kinda suck at it. Or maybe itās characterization, specifically character motivation and arcs. Iām not doing it right. Iām having a great old time pushing forward, with more action and dark twistiness and all sorts of great stuff, but I cannot map a proper plan for the life of me! Yet again, I get partway through things and realize that Cole is meandering with only the flimsiest excuse for a goal, engaging in all sorts of musings and personality conflicts and trauma, but not actually, you know, doing anything. Specifically her time in Freedom, where she confused herself by thinking her visions are harassment by Cadence. Itās a repetitive cycle of her getting yanked out of trying to navigate a new world and get Ravelās help, to learn all sorts of good stuff like empathy, love, longing, and worldbuilding factoids. So itās pretty much an author-crutch that weighs down the forward momentum of the plot.
Well, crap. And I was having such fun with it, tooā¦ Thing is, do I want to write a self-indulgent bloated story that only the chosen worthies slog through, or do I want to take a shot at the big leagues and be able to face some of these ladies who are absolutely killing it out there?
Why does that feel like a trick question? K, hereās the plan. Stop. Write down a lean plot, synopsis style (yet again) based just on major action and Coleās motivation. Focus on; what did Cole do and what did it change for her (consequences for actions) plus what did Cole want at the time and how was she prevented from getting it (forward momentum/dramatic tension).
Andā¦ go!
Friday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair & couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 167
23 Feb 2017
Still avoiding lots of things that I probably shouldnāt be (lol?) - although Iāve come up with a better excuse for not making plans; my parents my be interviewing for jobs in the States and it would be better for me to be around to cat-sit. Also, Iām definitely not booking anything until the end of next month/editorial deadline b/c letās face it, Iām gonna need the time to work on this draft anyways. Although I keep saying it takes just as long to recut/edit existing text as write new, Iām now at the point where I have to put that to the test, and if it doesnāt take any longer (which may not actually be accurate), it does take more out of me. I think Iām one of those writers that hates to write/loves to have written/needs to write, lol. Like, it does feel good when Iām in the zone (which doesnāt last long at all), and after, and when I think about doing it but really have no intention of actually doing it, but the worst part is sitting down and getting to it. And also starting doing it. And continuing while doing it. And having to stop and go to the bathroom when Iām in the middle of it. Writing, man. Such love-hateness. And Iām sore from, like, sitting all day trying to convince myself to write, but I donāt want to give up writing time to get out and, like, move. Like, whatever. (lol, I donāt know why that had to be said Valley-girl style, but it did.) I had coffee this morning. I think itās doing something to my brain. Specifically the language-processing and coordination bits. And now, I think, I need to stop and IG instead of write, which is dumb but anywaysā¦
Thursday
Start Time: 3:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; chair & couch
Drinking: GT w/ homemade/bathtub gin
Day 166
22 Feb 2017
Still plugging along at a snailās paceā¦ well, thatās not entirely fair; Iām keeping up roughly 4 hours a day/3K-ish words/2 chapters, but it feels like slogging. Only got my Wattpad chapter out with 30min. to go yesterday. The idea of worrying about what comes next (travel/work, even marketing/sales) is overwhelming, so Iām just not dealing with it, which is going to bite me down the road, but I canāt bring myself to really care just now. Which makes things out to sound worse than they are; Iām continuing to be productive, moving towards a goal and wishing I were more successful already doesnāt help anything. So, back into the grind.
Part 2
Still plugging; thanks for the encouraging comments, IG/bookstagram followers! It helps! Feeling a little depressed b/c my parents are looking at jobs in the states and Iād either have to take a FT job or make it absolutely huge with this book immediately to be able to be close to themā¦ and also have to leave my new nephew and his family behindā¦ lame. But also potentially cool, ācause theyāre looking at the Oregon coast or New York area, and I like coastal foggy areas and cliffs, and NY is the heart of publishing so thatād be radā¦ Trying not to worry about the future and do the best I can now, but itās hard not to freak out sometimes and just keep focusing!
Wednesday
Start Time: 10 am & 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; bed & couch
Drinking: Nettle Yerba Mate tea
Listening: Chris Cornell Higher Truth album
Day 165
21 Feb 2017
Good news; cheap flights show up later in the day. Bad news; Iām still not motivated to make a call and get a plan in place. Hoping to be at the 50% mark or past in the draft by the end of the weekā¦ which actually isnāt great, in that itās nearly the end of the month and Iād hoped to be done by now. Itās still super speed compared to how long I took on the first draft, but if I work on the draft right up to my April deadline, I only have a month (or slightly less, really) to travel, make money, market etc. until the next push. Which is not a lot of time for all that needs to happen during it. Particularly the part where I have to make about five months worth of money in one while also traveling and being marginally more active b/c I seriously cannot sit still for entire days for months on endā¦
So yeah, just kinda super unmotivated at the momentā¦ not really pressing onward with the marketing stuff, and slogging along with the writing, making progress but feeling emo about it. Blech.
Part 2
lol focus, just wasnāt happening this morning. Which sucks, ācause the sun came out and itās been too many days since I was outdoors, plus Iāve got a serial chapter to push out today too, butā¦ yeah. Choices.
Tuesday
Start Time: 11 am & 3 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; bed & couch
Drinking: G&T w/ homemade bathtub gin
Day 164
20 Feb 2017
Unsurprisingly, didnāt get much of anything done over the weekend - slept for half of yesterday with a headache of all things, which is what I get for slowing down on the allergy meds. Iām past due to get on with the travel planning, as flights really only have great prices about 3 months in advance, but I can get so one-track-mind with things. Itās hard to care about travel and making plans for the future (most of which involves me tracking down more work!) when Iāve got a book not quite half-rewritten and a new baby to bond with and a bunch of friends to catch up with as wellā¦ And as soon as I start caring about travel stuff, itās near impossible to get on with the writing. Ugh, balance! And foggy hayfever-head helps none of it at all! But here we go again; sitting down to work and trying to let the rest of it go for a few more hoursā¦
Monday
Start Time: 1 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 163
17 Feb 2017
Just a lot going on around me which is not helping with the concentration and productivity. Iām actually pretty impressed with how much Iāve been able to push forward in the midst of the whirlwind! Set up with a house/pet-sitting network and applied to a place in the Cornwall region to cat-sit for like two months this summer, which could be awesome. Looked at some Help-x places too, but most want too much work for whatās being offered. Probably wonāt produce tomorrow, as we have baby visit scheduled, but I think Iāll take the computer in case itās quiet and a good opportunity (hah! as if, lol)
Friday
Start Time: 4:15 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 162
16 Feb 2017
Progress; despite struggling to just sit down and work, dammit, Iām pushing forward again with the draft. Getting closer and closer to the point that I run out of content to recycle, but thatās not necessarily a bad thing, as the word count seems to run about the same regardless of whether itās fresh or edited. Still not totally happy with Ravelās treatment; I think he needs to be more sympathetic and appealing, but Cole and Cadenceās reactions to him are so wary early on that it tips the hand against him. Recycling content is a little bit dangerous in that I slip into the flow of things and itās hard to break it up and insert the meaningful changes that inform the plot direction and fresh characterization since the original draft, but sometimes Iām so in love with my own words that it seems a real shame to just let them wither in obscurity (lol).
I think this early middle section (life in Freedom) is running the risk of being too low on Coleās motivation and too high on world building, which may feel slow and unexciting to readers despite the inherent interest in the new setting and situation, so thatās something to circle back to and enhance. Gonna try to keep pushing forward on the same basis; review/refresh/edit last two chapters or so, then push forward two (or more? #goalsā¦) chapters.
Baby visitation over the weekend, so my actual work days are getting squeezed somewhat - all the more reason to buckle down and produce while I can! Itās bizarre to feel like I should be holding a baby, when itās so new and totally unnecessary; there are other people to do that, after all, but it does feel like, I donāt know, like my arms are empty a lot or something. Which is hilarious, ācause Iāve held him for maybe total 20 minutes in his life, lol. Itās pretty cool to see family and stuff in action though; just the reality that something, someone can be so intrinsically precious without doing or being anything of their own volition. So yeah. Stuff n thingsā¦
Part 2
Man, itās almost kind of pointless trying to get started in the morning; so many interruptions! And I just hit 1K followers on my bookstagram/IG account, so then I did a follow train and asked about giveaway preferences to gear up for the first one, so then Iāve been busy with that for like an hour setting it up and responding etc. So yeah, slow progress on the writing; slightly better on the marketing side! Must remember to ask questions in posts and interact more in future; great to have the feedback and I think it really builds more of a connection too! Market research, lol. Anyways, back at it!
Thursday
Start Time: 11:30 am & 2:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Day 161
15 Feb 2017
So baby made it and all is well and itās been super distracting even though I really havenāt actually needed to do much of anything, lol. Itās pretty amazing to experience newborns up close and personal; itās like theyāre an idea, a concept, a cartoon, and then youāre just blown over by how much detail, how much realness they have. Like, fingernails. Fingers in general. Theyāre amazing! How is it possible for them to come in that size? And it breathes and moves on its own. Shocking.
Lol. So yeah, itās been cool and crazy and overwhelming and underwhelming and everything at once and Iāve been trying to figure out where I fit in all of it. Iām a little stressed about writing and now having a child in the family. Itās one thing to get past your image and impact on other adults, but wondering how my words could impact a child (who knows me!) is another thing entirely. Itās making me do some soul-searching over my depiction of male characters and my handling of ethnicity for sure. But on the other hand, despite whatever pretensions to culture and maturity I might have, it is teen/YA fantasy romancy stuff, and that comes with a whole set of normsā¦
At this stage, I think I need to press forward and try not to get too caught up in reworking things - especially in indie publishing, though it probably stands true for traditional publishing as well, the need to continue publishing new material has to impact how much you polish each piece. On the other handā¦ yeah, quality is not a small issue.
In sum, feeling kinda stuck and unmotivated, while at the same time feeling more pressure than ever to succeed. So thereās that. And itās rainy and grey out, which is actually great writing weather, but doesnāt help me feel driven and like getting on with things. Think Iām gonna pour a glass of wine and try to hunker down and produce for a bit, and then worry about whatever else afterwards!
Wednesday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 160
10 Feb 2017
More recycling content yesterday, which is nice because thereās some plot and characterization stuff coming up that definitely didnāt show up in the earlier drafts. Iām still conflicted over Ravelās characterization; Iām not sure Iām getting him right. Itās all from Coleās perspective, after all, which adds to the complexity, but at this early stage at the very least, he should be more appealing, despite the way that Cole finds him scary. Which is hard to communicate, like how do you write charisma from the perspective of someone who doesnāt really buy into it? The weight of world-building heading into the second act is huge as well, so itās not fast going even when I can recycle large chunks of text. I think I need to circle back again today and look at Coleās obsession with death. I have a feeling Iāve focused too much on the corporeal, when itās important to communicate that what sheās really drawn to is the internal, the emotive sensation and curiosity about others that she canāt openly indulge in. So thatāll be interesting and time consuming. And, oh yeah, a fresh chapter of TGOoH is due today, which needs to both explain some stuff and move the action and character development/relationships forward. So, yay Fridays, lol.
Iām feeling more motivated again, though, after great feedback and interaction on IG/bookstagram! So exciting and hopeful to see people respond positively to my work! I should probably sit down and carve out some time soon to revisit my marketing plan and plot out what to do when - I have a feeling itās past time to get Facebook launched, and putting some more focus into Twitter and Wattpad couldnāt hurt either. Goodreads is nearing 200 followers, which I feel like is pretty solid, and I could take another look at putting a page up for the book as soon as I sort out graphics and update the synopsis. Which is a crazy word, now that I look at itā¦ and thatās my cue to get back to work!
Part 2
Spending the first of four hours on editing/revision of the last two+ chapters, then the rest of the time on an additional two seems to be a workable pattern (that eats up most of the day). Diving into Freedom and worldbuilding, plot development and angsty goodness!
Part 3
Yeah, itās pretty much as slow working with existing text as writing fresh, but Iām impressed with how much more meaning I can pack into a scene with a plan in place! Making my bookmap was painful, and itās probably still a little too vague, but I definitely appreciate having it at this point.
Friday
Start Time: 11 am, 1 & 3:45 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Yorkshire black tea with spices & milk
Day 159
09 Feb 2017
Pretty cool that I was able to recycle almost two whole chapters from the last draft in yesterdayās rewrites, but apparently editing and rewriting existing text to work takes about as much time as creating new text, so itās not like Iām really further ahead. I must be 25-30% through the book, if Iām actually on track with the book map, which is pretty pro for just over a weekās worth of work, but Iām suspicious of that estimate for various reasonsā¦ I think the middle/early Act 2 sequence of scenes and chapters may eat up a more-than-fair percentage of the wordcount because worldbuilding (though I could be wrong and thereās definitely some recycling opportunities there). Also, thereās a baby coming in a couple days, which may or may not change everything. So I havenāt made any travel plans, despite time racing on, and I havenāt really invested anything in the world outside of writing and reading and book-marketing. Havenāt gone to see my brother and pregnant sister-in-law. Havenāt met up with all my friends (and beta readers!) Havenāt even gone out for drinks and music or exercise or shopping or anything, hardly. Havenāt tracked down some freelance work because money. Which is actually pretty cool, in that Iāve been able to be so focused and productive, but I do feel guilty about just checking out of the world in order to do so.
However, the response to my ārewrites progressā bookstagram yesterday was super amazing! Overall ālikesā are up across the board, and yesterdayās chapter 7 quote started some really encouraging comment discussions and faster, higher volume likes than any previously. Iād been worried about how little impact my organic marketing efforts and time investment in IG has had, so itās like the light at the end of the tunnel to get encouragement like that. Maybe someone will read my book and enjoy it! Maybe I have a shot at recovering the costs that went into making it better! Maybe Iāll even make enough money to survive and write more in the future! Trying not to get ahead of myself, lol, but yay!
Part 2 Sooo hard to focus, and working with existing text definitely has its own challenges. Keep wanting to do other stuff and having to force myself to get back into it! Posting the daily progress is great in that sense, since I donāt want to admit to completing less than 2 chapters and 2-3K words on a weekday, so thatās a plusā¦
Thursday
Start Time: 11:45 am & 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Yorkshire black tea with spices & milk, Malbec
Day 158
08 Feb 2017
Still kinda tough slogging. Characterization is hard! I have ideas of what I want to communicate for characters like Ravel, Serovate, Haynfyv, but it doesnāt seem to flow that way. And Cole and Cadence in this draft are so distinct from the last draftās Cole and Cadence that itās hard to keep tone straight. Finding the balance between simply moving forward and having some standards is brutal. Or something. Onward.
Actually, what I wrote yesterday makes more sense than I was afraid it didnāt. Which, as a sentence really doesnāt work, but is true. Trying to do some major recycling of content for the next bit, as weāre getting into stage 1 of Coleās adventures in proactivity, so itāll be more like a deep edit than straight writing if all goes well. If all doesnātā¦ well, letās leave it at that.
Wednesday
Start Time: 10:30 am & 2:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Old Abbey Ales Scottish Monk & Malbec
Day 157
07 Feb 2017
So turning points seem to be dense, painful affairs. Or maybe itās just the first one. I found it really hard to write in a linear fashion; kept circling back and filling in what Iād just done, trying to integrate character building, or at least character- and situation-appropriate text while getting across what I needed to. Mostly having a detailed book map seems to have made me more efficient and more able to sit down and churn out work, but sometimes it really slows things down having requirements for what needs to be conveyed at any given point. Which is probably a good and necessary thing, but agh!
Pressing onward nonetheless; I need to look back over yesterdayās work and try to make sense of it, as well as push forward. I should also look at the travel plans again soon, like yesterday soon, but it feels like too much, but if I leave it alone too long, Iāll be here all summer. Thereās only a month (or less) of downtime when my editor is working on her input, so Iāve got to come to terms with working on this thing and traveling/having a life at some point hereā¦ Yeah, sounds impossible.
Part 2
Ouch. So an hour of sifting through text later and still havenāt finished editing yesterdayās text, never mind writing another couple chapters. Oh yeah, and Iāve got a web serial chapter due today too. Mostly my computer was crashy though, so not entirely my fault. But mostly. Sloooownessssss.
Tuesday
Start Time: 10:45 am & 1:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Malbec
Day 156
06 Feb 2017
I think my own targets are negatively impacting output. Apparently Iām not that motivated by a production schedule, or I am, but I have to balance the motivation with the anxiety it causes or somethingā¦ my brain is weird stuff, kids. Get close at your own peril.
Still conflicted over plot and characterization; It works better now, but I need to be aware of making sure thereās more to the story than Coleās issues, I think. After seeing how well Maggie Steifvater weaves a lot of the same issues into a much broader, more diffuse storyline, Iām inspired to try to back off of the psychological issues to ensure thereās good development and rising action. The Raven Cycle hasnāt been one of my all-time faves; I just donāt feel that connected or excited by it, but itās extremely well done.
In social media world, Iām over 800 followers on my bookstagram account, slowly growing on my novel-specific IG account and creeping upwards on Goodreads as well. Tumblr seems to be a lost cause, but I keep flogging it anyways for no reason except that Iāve invested so much time into it it seems a shame to shut it down now. I really ought to get a FB page going, invest some time in curating my Twitter feed and refresh my website with emphasis on a mailing list. Which also means some time working on synopses, artwork and maybe giveaway investment. Iām really hesitant to spend much more than my own time on any of this at the moment, since I donāt want to divert energy to freelance work and making money that will take away from this effort, but I donāt know how hard-line to be; strategic investment is meant to generate increased sales down the road. Iām not a real gambling-type personality, so Iāll probably toe a conservative line on that front if nothing changes, but that may prove shortsighted in hindsightā¦
Getting into the thick of things in the plot as I round the 25%/turning point mark to the main conflictā¦ assuming Iāve set my book map and plot up correctly. Word count seems more like around 15% of total, which is still crazy good for just a few days last week, so as long as I donāt choke and everythingās actually flowing in the right direction, this could be back on track. Iām getting the impression I wonāt be able to actually reuse much text from the original draft, which is unspeakably tragic, but even though the main thrust of the plot is the same, the meaning behind everything starts to shift the scenes and reactions a little too muchā¦ but weāll seeā¦ it looks like I can keep the āghost storiesā chapters almost untouched, which is cool. Iām stressed about the intrigue setup stuff; communicating Haynfyv and Serov seems important, and also really challenging to me. Iām going to go back and try to rewrite Ravel to be more somethingā¦ he should be more appealing early on, more charismatic, if I can figure out a way to convey that. And then Iāll need to take another look at Haynfyv and Serov and make that characteristically accurate as well as informative and tense/threatening.
Considering changing the wider setting a bit. What if the Tower was just a locked-down building in Vancouver? Like, contemporary, actual Vancouver? Maybe it changes too many things, but the idea has some intrigue to meā¦ Weāll see.
Monday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: water
Listening: Higher Truth, Chris Cornell
Day 155
04 Feb 2017
This morning I had myself convinced I was going to work today. Then it was a snowy Saturday morning and I decided to spoil myself and finish the second book in Maggie Stiefvaterās Raven Cycle. Then I had so many ideas from her cleverness that I was going to sit down and work on the book for the afternoon. Then I got distracted by Instagram and a couple hours went byā¦ and here I am deciding to at least get some work done.
As usual, I am both inspired and depressed by reading other peopleās brilliance. And I my daily progress posts are lagging on IG, so itās clear not everyone is impressed by my brilliance, such as it is or is notā¦ Came across somebody just starting to create bookmarks and thinking if launching on Easy. I wonder if thereās a cross-promotion/partnership/commission thing there that I should pursue? Incentives forā¦ something. Joining a mailing list. Ordering. Pre-ordering. A well-known and popular creator would bring more reach, but would come with less flexibility and more expense (probably). Still feels too soon to worry about. And I donāt even want to think about budgets and financing promotionsā¦ ugh.
In storytelling world, Iām still less than confident about my plot. Itās better (probably) than the original, but feels simultaneously too simplistic and too complex. Coleās more proactive, but the whole thing is so internalizedā¦ in Stiefvaterās books, she really confronts issues of wanting, what we want, when we donāt know, when it hurts us, when we donāt get it, but itās within a larger framework. Iām weak on the larger framework and deep into the internal character issues. Which is maybe the difference between a Stiefvater and a Yovanoff, but Iām worried that itās actually the difference between a pro and an amateur. So off I go to tangle myself up in my plot again and lose track of the ends of the string.
Part 2
Oof, itās hard working on a Friday. Or maybe itās just the stretch Iām working on or something. Slow going! I think Iām subconsciously (now consciously?) afraid of writing the big reveal bit with the Tower agents ācause itās too thriller/mystery/grand reveal weighty. But on the ego-boosting side, someone on IG asked if I had anything up on Kindle, so thereās at least one person out there who might be willing to consider spending money for my words! Maybe Iām doing something right after all?
Saturday
Start Time: 2:30 & 6 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Ginger & Crown Northern Harvest
Day 154
03 Feb 2017
Struggling to push ahead and not get bogged down, although so far my production rate has been up quite a bit. Itās hard to find the right balance between intentionality and creativity; if I get too caught up in whether or not what Iām putting down on paper fits the plan, I get stuck, but if I just write, I lose plot threads and start taking things in different directions. Itās amazing how a crippling fear of inadequacy pops up the second you go to put words down!
Not sure yet if daily progress photos are working or not; thereās good engagement with them, but my overall forward momentum seems to be lagging versus when I was just doing straight bookstagrams. There may also be a slowing factor as you grow, instead of gaining steam, as Iād originally imagined. Still trying to dial in on what creates value for people; if I get too far off from what Iām actually creating, thereās too little correlation between my goals (sell my books) and what Iāve built community around (pretty book pictures), but if I get too focused on what I want (get people excited about what Iām creating) it narrows the group of people that care to look and starts connecting with other book marketers as opposed to readersā¦ will continue for a few more days and reassess. Throwing it up on Twitter seemed to have a surprisingly strong effect, so I may focus more on cross-platform. I really ought to get a FB page up and running soon as wellā¦
Friday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; bed
Day 153
02 Feb 2017
Yesterday wasā¦ actually, not a total loss. I did get bogged down in plot changes, but pushed away from the book map and wrote/cut together the first two chapters with a total work time of around 6 hours counting distractions (lol). Itās kind of hard writing to a specific purpose, but not as hard as trying to figure out the purpose and what happens next as I write, so thatās a plus. Into the second chapter, I was able to incorporate quite a lot of text from the last draft, which was either horribly lazy or a lovely bonus depending on how kind my editor is about itā¦
Also tried using the work as a promotional component for social media, with moderate success. Iāll keep that up for a few days and see how it goes; more than one post a day seems to net greater interaction and more follower acquisition on IG, but itās a step away from a nicely curated bookstagram account, which is what the followers are there for, and I donāt want to drive down the value of the interaction by pushing self-promotion too hard.
Iāll try to repeat this pattern for a few days and see where it takes me: updated/adjust book map, review yesterdayās writing and tweak, write a couple thousand words or a couple chapters.
At a rate of two solid chapters a day, I might actually get back on track. As long as I can resist getting bogged down in high-level plot changes, keep to a daily high output schedule (while continuing self-promotion and web serials), create original content at the same rate and not get distracted by soon-to-be baby. Or that itās been nearly a month since I actually brought in any money. Life stuff.
Anyways, off to the races again!
Part 2
Ugh trying to stay on topic is hard! Also, research.
Part 3
So, definitely getting bogged down, with relatively little recycled content, which could make things take absolutely ages. Gonna keep pushing for a two-chapter/scene per day pace though!
Thursday
Start Time: 11:45 am, 1:30 & 4:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Yorkshire tea & wine
Listening: Higher Truth, Chris Cornell
Day 152
01 Feb 2017
So I know I said I was gonna start on rewrites today, but I was thinking about how the causation of the plot and primary character arc motivation had been getting blurred andā¦ yeah. So. Less than thrilled with the variations on fuzzy feel-good connection-based resolutions and empowerment, and while Iām not opposed to the idea of an open-ended messy ending, it makes for a not-very-tight storyline. I think the right move is to wrap up Coleās angst about wanting the right thing or not with making it about doing. As in (potentially spoileriffic):
Setup: -Cole tries to always make the smart decision (obey Tower regulation), because she secretly wants things she knows she shouldnāt (obsessed with death). -Cadence is a ghost. She canāt make her own decisions, and is frustrated with Cole for squandering her agency.
Inciting Event: -Broken surveillance point, Coleās unexpectedly sent on field duty to investigate. Cadence is along for the ride.
Quest: -Cole heads off to do her duty but is interrupted by Ravel (stays on task) and a corpse (caves to her obsession). -Cadence doesnāt understand Coleās internal turmoil, frustrated and only seeing the outward lack of decisiveness.
Main Conflict: -Cole gets tripped up by wanting one thing (access to the dead) and trying to do another (perform her duties). She loses her home and gets someone else killed (captured). -Cadenceās memories start to return and she gets really driven about trying to steer Cole to fulfill Cadenceās mission, but doesnāt remember enough detail and gets them both in trouble.
Progress: -Cole resolves to do better at suppressing what she wants (access to the dead, to go home) and choosing the smart thing (find a new home & save people from the Towerās lies). -Her attempts to do the smart thing donāt result in the outcomes she expects (nearly dies following Cadence, dissatisfied with life in Freedom). -She canāt fully suppress her desires, struggles to control the visions. Drawn to the fantasy as if itās more real than her life (falls for Itri, jealous of Cadence, sad about the deaths). -Starts to question the effectiveness of pursuing the smart thing and ignoring what she wants. -Tries to strengthen her connection to Ravel and replicate the relationship she sees between Itri & Cadence and Angelique & Haynfor by trusting him more & is initially rewarded, then rejected. -Decides sheās just in the wrong place and recommits to doing the smart thing as a way to hide her hurt. -Decides to abandon Ravel & Cadence to go to the Underground to spread the Truth (but really, is just hurt and running away from being rebuffed) -Denying what she wants leads to disconnection with herself and others, dual lives. Cole doesnāt trust Cadence or Ravel, forces herself to perform a role of who she thinks they want, damages her relationship with both, and canāt overcome the trust barrier. -Cadence endangers Cole by trying to lead her, and further alienates her by protesting her decisions. Cadence is sad about not being able to reunite with Itri and refuses to confront reality, acting as if sheās still alive and on mission in the visions. Sheās furious when Cole admits that sheās been falling for Itri.
Pt of No Return: -Ravel saves Cole from Tower agents. Haynfor is killed. -Cole admits, learns to acknowledge what she wants. Realizes she has no control over the big things and thereās no overarching truth to inform how smart or not her choices are. Lives for the moment instead of big goals like expose the Truth or find a safe place. -Rekindles trust with Cadence. -Sets out to complete Itriās mission b/c she wants to make it up to Angelique for taking Haynfor away from him, wants Itri to be pleased with her. -When Cole admits her secret obsession with death to Cadence, Cadence realizes her influence on Cole has been more significant than she thought, and renews her efforts to influence Cole. She schemes to have her help with the mission while putting on an act of kindness and allegiance.
Complications: -Accepting what she wants leads to better connection with others, but doesnāt make everything right. -Itās empowering; her fascination with death turns out to be power over it as she fights back. -But sheās not strong or skilled enough to win on her own and Itriās angry with her for putting herself at risk. -And her impulsiveness compromises her mission, and then her freedom and Itriās safety. -Cadenceās jealousy for Cole leads her to push her toward action.
Black Moment: -Cole inadvertently betrays Itri and gets herself captured and drugged. -Pursuing what she wants causes worse damage than doing the smart thing. She has no freedom, no connection, and has lost the person she most wanted to impress. She has no safe place, no allies and no capacity to spread the truth of the Towerās abuses or help people. -Cadence finally has to accept that she can never be with Itri again, and her actions have only made things worse for him and Cole.
Final Push: -But Itriās still alive -Wanting things isnāt intrinsically good or bad (but wants are often conflicting); its your actions that matter -Cole manipulates Ravel to escape -Teams up with Angelique to rescue Itri -Tries to run to safety -But loses Angelique -Cadence tries to atone for her actions by convincing Cole to save herself and go be happy with Itri.
Climax: -Cole is caught in conflicting desires and choices; she wants to save Angelique, stop the death, survive, be with Itri, make everything right, run awayā¦ -She chooses to sacrifice herself so Itri and Angelique can live. -Chooses between all the things she wants to do the right thing (care about others) instead of the smart thing (take care of herself). -Rewarded and empowered by not making it about herself; Cadence sacrifices her existence and identity to help Cole survive.
Resolution: -Cole is rewarded for sacrificing what she wants and what she thinks she should do by surviving and saving Itri and Angelique. -Cadence is rewarded for sacrificing her existence and attachment to Itri, sustained by Cole.
Part 2
Well, thatāsā¦ probably good, but frustratingly slowing me down from actually doing the writing. Freaking book mapā¦
Wednesday
Start Time: 11 am & 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch & bed
Drinking: Yorkshire tea & wine
Day 151
31 Jan 2017
Maybe possibly kind of pretty much at a good place with the plot. (Perhaps.) Iād like to draw a line in the sand and start long-form rewrites tomorrow (Feb. 1), so weāll see how that goes. Action quotient is up, Cole is more proactive and heroic than any point in the past, thereās some thematic consistency and the cast are getting pretty tightly interwoven. Iāll probably keep coming up with ideas for the direction, but I think itās time to move ahead regardless. Iāll work on refining the plan down to the scene level today and hopefully launch rewrites tomorrow!
In other news, my social media momentum is fading fast; I pretty much get out what I put in in terms of time and effort, which is a nice cause-and-effect, but frustrating when Iāve got other things to get doneā¦
Tuesday
Start Time: 1:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: Yorkshire tea
Day 150
30 Jan 2017
ā¦and changing everything yet again. Yay.
Monday
Start Time: 3 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
Drinking: G&T
Day 149
28 Jan 2017
I donāt know; I think I get closer to the right mark, and then it all seems to pour away againā¦ Iām starting to dial Cole in, but still not enough, and now supporting cast have issues. Imma try going higher level, despite being shit at anything reasonably concise, and see if sketching it out with broad strokes gives any more clarity, since working through the detailed scene-by-scene plot summary is too much like full work editing apparently; too close, canāt change.
Cole would be a more inspiring character if she reached a point sooner of getting proactive or badass, but a less realistic one. Cadence just comes off as a bully now, Itriās a barely-there cipher, Ravelās muddyā¦ Ugh. And whatās this whole thing about again??
Saturday
Start Time: 11:45 am
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
drinking: hot peppermint milk
Day 148
27 Jan 2017
Still hate doing plots. Still kinda overwhelmed and procrastinate-y. Still trying anyways.
The upshot of all my procrastination is, Iāve finally channeled it into something productive. By focusing on the bookstagrammer community on Instagram, following the heck out of people, posting slightly better and definitely more on-topic photos and engaging in interactions including shoutout sessions and supportive commenting, Iāve more than doubled my follower count in less than a month (about two weeks) to over 500, with about 50 new followers a day right now. Iām channeling success there to Goodreads, adding anyone whoās account I can find, with massive success at almost 100 followers up from less than 20 two weeks ago. FB, Twitter & Tumblr are still no goes, and Iām not-so-seriously considering dropping Tumblr given the high level of investment and low returns. Lots of porny accounts following me and not much elseā¦ but I could probably do better on any or all of these accounts if I needed to, using pretty much the same strategy as IG. So on the marketing front, Iām not killing it, but I am seeing some marked progress! Hooray for small victories! To-do items include continuing and increasing growth on IG, reaching out to reviewers and book bloggers specifically to prep for Blind the Eyesā release, and figuring out how to get a mailing list growing as well, given that everyone seems to think thatās the highest value thing to doā¦
Oh yeah, and writing a great book that everyone will love. Which brings me back to procrastination and impossible issues like, how do I make Cole compelling, since sheās certainly not lovable? Is it enough that sheās transparent in her issues at the start? Will readers be able to relate to her twisted, conflicted approach to the world? Have I built clear cause-effect into the story so she has to live out and overcome the results of her actions? Oh, and all the other characters - worthwhile? I have to find a way to make Itri and Ravel appealingā¦ And everyone should be complex, not just one-note, and the whole thing should be achingly truth-telling with heart and expansion potential.
So no big deal at all, right?
Friday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
drinking: G&T w/ bathtub gin
Day 147
26 Jan 2017
So yesterday was awesome; pushed through and redid the whole Book Map. Mightāve been a new record; stuck to it, with lots of IG and breaks, but still, until 10pm! Predictably, today Iāve been avoiding looking at it entirely. Afraid that it doesnāt work and Iāll need to tear it up and start again. And afraid of the deadline getting closer and more remote at the same time. So, self-sabotaging, basically.
Time to get over that.
Keeping the core of the story clear and on-track is one major challenge. Coleās identity and character, and subsequently, everyone elseās characters are another thing. Fanbait? How do you make it? How do you live with yourself for making it? I get frustrated and stubborn about it; it feels inauthentic to engineer a character for likability, after all. But then Iām challenged by the idea that itāll be my fault as the storyteller for not sharing the things that make the cast relatable and adhering to inflexible, one-note character traits to the exclusion of all else. So pretty much screwed. Cole. Whatās appealing about Cole? Whatās her hidden virtue that needs to come out into the light a little sooner?
ā¦no idea.
Part 2
Ugh. I hate doing plots. The end.
Thursday
Start Time: 5:30 & 7:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
drinking: water, wine
Day 146
25 Jan 2017
Predictably, Iām starting to worry about the direction of the story. Not that itās a bad one; lots of potential for teen angst and paranormal darkness in this version, which ought to be good for ratings. Itās still a step away from the story I was trying to tell, about a girl who doesnāt know how to know what she wants b/c her world hasnāt given her the chance to learn. Which is a terrible story to tell, when effective storytelling is (apparently) all about protagonist wants and motivationā¦ But in trying to keep both those things on the table, I just keep spiralling away from the core idea. Which is perhaps necessary, but worrying, as Iāve also thrown away all of the alternate drafts, despite how promising they seemed. Iām also terrible at quick/high-level summations of plot; I get wordier as I go on. The good news (if I keep this plot) is that Iām planning right down to detailed scenes now. And a lot of the plot elements that arose out of all the alternate plots are proving useful even as motivations and characterization shifts. So itās like Iāve told the same story half a dozen ways to mean a different thing each time.
Another issue - one thatās always been there - is likability. Proper heroes are good and appealing, and have to overcome challenges that may bring out some of their failings and confront those issues, but they overcome. Angsty teen heroes, apparently in my mind at least, start out obsessing over, or adamantly attached to, their failings and need help expressing any virtues at all. They overcome by owning their failings and learning who they are and how best to work within those parameters. Instead of becoming good, they become themselves, but empowered and more confident. They need to hear: youāre ok. You can do this. Instead of: you need to change. You need to be different.
Wednesday
Start Time: 1:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
drinking: hot spiced orange juice
Day 145
24 Jan 2017
I canāt believe it myself, but I actually got down a full plan yesterday, start to finish! Now, figuring out it any of it is useful/salvageable, that Iāve been procrastinating on all dayā¦ But I think Iām getting a little closer to the heart of things, or at least starting to see where they go sideways. Likeability is still an issue; I probably need to contrive a way for Cole to be more driven or kinder or something up front. The theme that seems to be winning out has to do with wanting: desires, how to know them, own them, pursue them, abandon or surpass themā¦ it popped up pretty strongly in the first draft, and despite all my efforts to craft an arc without it, itās what I keep coming back to. Thereās also some characterization issues I havenāt settled; is Cadence juvenile and silly or mature and sage-like? Is Cadence a goody-two-shoes perfectionist overachiever or a moody, angsty self-hater? The guys both have issues of the cookie-cutter variety; Ravel is one note bad, while Itri is a distant fantasy creature. But I think a bunch of those issues can be solved by diving into characteristic moments and detailed scene planningā¦ And weaving in more ghostly dark creepy goodness through all of these human moments is something I havenāt even started to work on seriouslyā¦
Tuesday
Start Time: 5:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; couch
drinking: water
Day 144
23 Jan 2017
And here we go again. Back to trying to tell an impossible story. Gonna throw marketability out the window for a while, stop trying to do all the right things, and work on telling the truth. Then telling it in a way that people can understand. Then figuring out what on earth this Frankensteinās monster of a creation Iāve developed actually is.
Wish me luck. Like Cole, I may not like the rules, but I generally try to follow them and get a gold star. Uncharted territory is scary (but awesome, but scaryā¦)
Part 2
Wow this is getting dark & twisted. Uncomfortable for me, but probably an awesome direction, when it comes to it. Very teen, very dark-fantasy/supernatural-thriller/paranormal-horror, lol. Soooo uncomfortable. Itās one thing to put something down in a plot, itās another to go there and write it honestly and deeply! Yikes! Off to the racesā¦
Monday
Start Time: 1:30 & 3:30 & 8:30 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; table & couch
drinking: Crown Royal northern harvest rye
Day 143
21 Jan 2017
Iām working in five and ten minute bites, brainstorming, ideating, whatever. Itās back to the beginning, come full circle or spiral maybe, hopefully Iām getting somewhere with all this flailing. Back to the start, and maybe the process is just what has to happen, the mess is what is and what needs to be.
Iāve been trying to swap out variables, put my big girl pants on and make the changes to solve the problems to make it all work. So much for that. Iām back to who Cole is and was at the beginning of all this; someone who doesnāt know how to want. But, maybe, Iām better able to articulate who she is and how she progresses, and if nothing else Iāve got more plot elements to play with on the table nowā¦ There are dozens of stories I could tell (hundreds!) and the having of ideas is not the problem. Nor is finding good ideas an issue; pretty much any of them could take the novel in a plausible manner from start to finish. Some might even do better, commercially.
But thatās not the story I set out to (find out I needed to) tell. Itās not who Cole is. Itās not what that world was created for.
What does that leave me with? A mess. A flipchart sheet half-full of fevered scribbles, an ugly-ass self-portrait sketch and another day mostly gone. But I now know what I want to do with the mess (I think. I hope. I must.) and can move forward from there. Iāve learned more about story structure, character arcs and weaving goals and needs and internal and external developments. Iāve figured out how to tell the story without multiple POV. Iāve ruled out a half dozens decisions and ways I could tell the story at least. Call it progress.
The Anatomy of Curiosity is incredible. I need to find writing partners (spoiler; not gonna for this draft, thatās for sure!) Also, my IG marketing is looking healthier these days. Score!
Saturday
Start Time: 2 pm
Location: Abbotsford; home; table
Day 142
20 Jan 2017
So itās not so much that I havenāt been working on this (I have, really, I should be at day like 150+), but itās been hard going. Sometimes I come up with answers, ideas, inspiration and fixes by ploughing forward, pushing for solutions. But a lot of the time, they come to me sideways. They like to sidle up in my peripheral vision when Iām not looking in their direction, and then I have to breathe slow and resist the temptation to stare until I can hold on to their afterimage. All that to say, Iāve spent the majority of the last week or so watching TV, reading books, and building up my IG and Goodreads accounts (yay almost 400!) -and then feeling horribly guilty and panicking for not working hard enough and being behind schedule, and then actually getting a bit of progress in near the end of the day, where I can sleep on it and improve in the morning, until my editor kicks my stuffing out and the cycle starts over.
Yay rewrites.
Just finished The Curiosities. I was up until 4 am last night/this morning with it too. Mad (the crippling kind) brilliant, but also inspiring. Itās kick-started at least two ideas or writing sessions, and thereās a sequel that Iāll start on tonight. The last 5 craptastic books I read were also inspiring, in a different way.
Iām a little depressed. Iām a little stuck. Iām a little anxious. Itās been raining. I donāt know how to identify feelings (my own) or remember that other people have emotions. Iām too much like Cole. I donāt understand Cole. I donāt understand storytelling. Iām a drama queen in a wallflowerās skin with a berserkerās heart and a painted mouth.
I feel hopeless and addicted. Iām not good enough. I can totally do this. I just need to work harder. I just need to hang on. I just need to be somebody different, and itād all be better.
Iām a writer. Iām a teller of stories. Iām a creator. I exist. The quality of me and mine is a different matter. Which matters. But not as much as I matter.
I think itās stupid when people say you should write for yourself. Donāt they know all I have to do is turn my gaze inside? Why would I go to the trouble of sorting and pinning and cataloguing ideas for myself when theyāre vital and alive and mercurially bouncing around the space inside?
I write for myself, to make sense of the ideas and images and thoughts and impressions and sensations that arenāt quite feelings or emotions but something more nebulous. To make of the tangled mess something that resonates for someone else, that tells them theyāre both less special and unique and singular, and more at the same time.
Iām a living contradiction who believes in absolute truth. Singularity. Trinity. Three in one but not one in three.
Iāve been reading too much poetry.
Or something. It might be the four hours of sleep last nightā¦ or the gin.
I went outside yesterday. In the dark, behind the locked gates. Trash out, trash in, a tiny golden key, a chore, an escape, an excursion. I donāt know if Iāll go out today. I probably wonāt.
There are books and deadlines and chores and temptations. I will go out tomorrow.
Friday
Start time: 4pm
Location: Abbotsford, couch/living room
Day 141
09 Jan 2017
Made some good progress on plot and character arc mapping last week, but got derailed on Friday with a bit of consulting and pushing one of the serials ahead - those are starting to be in serious need of some planning tooā¦ So this week, for sure, Iāve got to get the plan out to my editor! In other news, it looks like Iāll be house-sitting for a few weeks starting a week from today, which could be an incredible opportunity to concentrate and push forward with rewrites, but also carries the temptation to indulge in distractions and general laziness.
Promotions are still going slow; mass following on IG seems to have a slight boosting effect on overall followers and interaction, and Iāve focused in more on bookstagrammers and related media. Contemplating starting a separate account to feature text from one or all of the books under development. Couldnāt hurt anything (probably), but it is more work, and since none of the text is at the final polish stage, Iām hesitant to go there. Should probably be doing a more focused job on Twitter and setting up a FB page, but since my interaction level on both is pretty minimal, itās a bit awkward to push there. Plus, everyone seems to feel mailing lists are super important, but it seems like just another chore that no one actually is interested in. Which brings it all back around to, am I creating anything of any worth to anyone? Can I even tell an effective story? Sales are hard (and I havenāt even really started yet!)
Planning baby showers is also hard. More specifically, coordinating tasks and communication across a team without a defined leader is a mess, a lack of cohesion and clarity around purpose, tone, aesthetic etc. is a nightmare, and to top it all off, the ones from my side hate parties and social gatherings of pretty much any type to begin with! However, it seemed sort of sad to not have one, so here we are. And it will be fine (and over) soon, and hopefully the parents-to-be will be happy with the result. Itās kind of caught in a weird no-manās-land of not fancy enough, but overdone, but some of the trouble is just that I tend to ridicule convention and meaningless trends, which creates conflict with people that arenāt used to looking at their culture from the sidelines. Like, sure: mason jars; cups with handles (and maybe lids!) Iām down with that. Keeps hot or cold things away from your fingers. Burlap and lace; contrast of texture and colour with the option to add one or more bright accent colours. Overpriced and overdone, but aesthetically pleasing and flexible. But so much of fashion, art, design etc. is not aesthetically pleasing, attractive, cost-effective or clever. Itās just a money-making trend or a bland fear of personally distinctive choices. Pinterest, and social media in general, following on the heels of decades (at least) of curated magazine spreads and set design, has a lot to answer for. Itās a bit strange that way; the eclectic layered, mix-and-match aesthetic of youth culture seems to support individuality, yet everyone seems to look outward for inspiration or guidance, instead of starting with their own values, preferences etc.
ā¦but then I go around using IG filters and stealing layout inspiration for bookstagrams, so weāre all guilty in one way or anotherā¦
Part 2
Oh the distractions~ I saw someone else doing a Goodreads push for followers. I wonder if a reader profile keeps its followers/friends when switched over? Must look into.
Monday
Start time: 11 am & 1pm
Location: Abbotsford, couch/living room
Day 140
05 Jan 2017
Did a great job of staying on the computer pretty much all day yesterday. 9:30 to until after 5pm, with breaks, and breaks, and breaksā¦ Focusing and working steadily through the task at hand, however, pretty much escaped me. Key plot questions, which I was, of course, so confident I had a handle on and could flick through in no time at all, seem to require a great deal more inspiration and concentration than Iād planned to allocate. Part of the trouble is the subtle differences in terminology and emphasis between structural systems - matching up key plot points and acts is not entirely straightforward. Another issue is the evolution of motivation; the āliesā and ātruthsā keep shifting as I try to get it all to line up. I knew I needed to simplify, to encapsulate the key idea there more neatly, so some of the struggle was there. And then thereās the plot āeventsā issue - Iāve been over and through the whole thing too many times, and itās getting harder to remember what happens where, so lining up developmental increments based on events and realizations becomes a challenge. Of course, there are some events and realizations that never existed and need to in order to meet the structural requirements of the plot, so thatās where the inspiration comes in. What works with the plot, existing characters, character arcs, world etc.? What ties in thematic and subplot strings to solve the problem at hand? And how to jog that inspiration at the moment when I need it to move forward? Taking a break, walking a few steps, checking Instagram (repeatedly), changing chairs, postures, drinks, locations, checking webcomics (Unshelved is the current poison of choice) and daydreaming were all given fair chance. Sprawling across the bed, face down with the computer and basically napping proved to break the writerās block (plotterās block?) this time, but itās like hitting a moving target trying to make progress; very little of the questions can just be skipped or shelved in order to move forward, and every day Iām more conscious that Iām getting behind where I want to be.
However! The good news is that I did move incrementally forward yesterday, so today I just need to get through the questions for the Third Act, climax and conclusion without throwing out everything done to that point, and then I can move on to porting it all over to my book map, run a secondary character arc exercise and integrate any subplots needed, then bring my editor back in for any tweaking before starting long form rewrites! Oops, nope. Have to plot it down to the scene level first. Ugh. Well, anyways, if I can get through the character arc questions today, that frees me up to switch gears and write the next chapter to Things Got Out of Hand tomorrow, which is the leading serial on most platforms and REALLY needs to step it up after a few too many talking heads chapters. Iām conflicted about the serials; itās a potentially sound strategy for getting attention, eyes on my work, and hopefully sales for Blind the Eyes, but itās also sub-standard work, which is frankly mortifying. Needs must, I suppose, and itās one way to move forward manuscripts. If I were making money from this, I could pretty much keep my editor on retainer to work on a rotating basis through the manuscripts that way. Assuming I have worthwhile stories that such an investment wouldnāt be a waste onā¦ Thatās kind of the thing with diy indie publishing; thereās no one to tell you not to sink money into something thatās not going to sell. So in that sense, the accusation of self-indulgence is legitimate, although you can bring quality up to par on pretty much any project with enough work (I hope!) Anyways, Iāll try to dig in and push forward again today! Maybe the slight caffeine will help with inspiration!
Part 2
Success! Apparently all the angst for the first two thirds was worth it, as I (more or less) breezed through the Act 3 questions. I think some inspiration may even have snuck in while I wasnāt agonizing! So, despite all the temptation to engage in celebratory alternatives, I think Iāll dive directly into updating the book map. Itās tempting to switch gears and write tomorrowās edition of Things Got Out of Hand, or, yāknow, skive off and watch something/read/play etc. But! Onwards! The sooner I can get the book map polished up and out to my editor, the sooner she canā¦ pick it all apart and set me back againā¦ wait, why was I doing this again?
Thursday
Start time: 10 am & 3:15 pm
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Drinking: Earl Grey Tea
Soundtrack: New & Classic Mix Alt Rock/Indie
Day 139
04 Jan 2017
Fingers crossed; I may have pinned down the key plot/character arc element to iron this sucker out! After days of research, note-taking, plotting, long-form question answer writing and false-starts, healthy debate seems to have won the day. The ātruthā that Cole needs to learn is the value of human connection, which opens up the door to red-herring her with pretty much any of the many great lies in the world, and justifies Cadence & Itriās presence in the story while creating nice counterpoint character arcs for Ravelwan, Haynfyv, even Itri & Morristu. Probably, for Maria & Serov as well. Balloons and noisemakers all around! It solves the weird dissonance of the climax - as long as I set it up right - while allowing me to play with a lot of the same ideas in the process.
Thanks mom! (Yes, my writing buddy is my mom. Lay off.) So off I go to rewrite all the masses of planning material with this new brainwave in mind. Wish me luck! Weāll finish this thing yet!
Wednesday
Start time: 9:30 am
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Drinking: water
Day 138
03 Jan 2017
Happy New Year! Horrifyingly, itās 2017! Not sure how that snuck up on me, but anyways, itās hereā¦ Hope yaāll have a better year than the last one!
Monday was a wash - mostly due to Christmas clean-up - and of course, Iām way behind on where Iād wanted to be in the planning and rewriting process, but if youāve stuck with me for 138 days, you know thatās pretty much par for my course. On a brighter note, I still have ideas on how to move forward (read K.M. Weilandās Character Arc blog series and go back to the flipchart paper to sketch out the plot based on that), my webfiction serials each have a handful of votes and at least one dedicated reader across platforms (thin, I know, but theyāve got their own issues and I donāt have time to polish them), my websiteās working a bit better and more optimized, and my (ignored) Tumblr account is better organized and has more content for the tumblrs to ignore! Small victories, ok? Just let me have thatā¦
I donāt do resolutions, and I donāt much care for goal setting in that I canāt handle the disappointment of failing at my own overly ambitious goals all the time, but I do have some targets for the upcoming months and years. The first one being, meet or get ahead of my editing and publication schedule. The next deadline is the beginning of April for the first round of rewrites, and while I wanted to be done for the end of February so I could get back on the road and maybe convince my editor to shift timelines forward for a June publication, at least I still have a chance of not having to push the entire schedule back (the odds of publishing for next Christmas are frighteningly high).
Iām still trying to get back to the UK, preferably Cornwall, this spring, though Iām flexible on location if thereās nothing there at the right time. In addition to the HelpX route to accommodation, Iāve come across some house-sitting sites, which could be a good alternative. Mostly it involves pet-sitting, and could be prohibitively expensive if I canāt schedule them tightly enough, but having free accommodation in return for much less work and the chance to explore a new town/city/region is pretty optimal. The biggest problem is that I canāt move around too often, in order to have the stability to get work done (freelancing or writing) and make enough money to pay for food, travel/transit expenses and publishing expenses. Still, it could be a promising avenue to pursue! I really need to add another source of projects soon too; the Textmaster work is too unreliable, even though Iāve attained a decently high rate of pay there. But Iām not giving space to any of that until Iāve made more progress and got a plan pinned down for the book.
Key ideas/research: whatās the starting lie? Whatās wrong with the situation or Cole herself at the start that has to change? āObedience is life?ā -reinforce facets of the lie -foreshadow Coleās capacity to change? How does Cole think she can fix this? Why is she wrong?āØHow does Cole realize sheās wrong and try again?Wants vs. Needs. -Wants is wrong, usually physical solution. pursuing a solution without addressing and confronting the lie. -Needs is the answer she has to struggle toward, from looking at the core of the lie. Perspective, understanding, also personified or objectified. -Want must be sacrificed for need, either for a bittersweet end, or harmonized goals. -Cole must act on her new belief, her understanding of what she needs and the lie, in the climax to conclusion. First Plot Point -events force Cole to a decision -her response sets up goal (towards the lie) - Donāt be tricked again? Find the truth to obey? -punished for retreating/fears self-sacrifice is a rewarding climax and final high in a change arc
Part 2
OK, research done; Iām going to try writing through the questions in Weilandās character arc series and see if that results in anything workable. So far, I see potential for linking up the plot with her structure, and I appreciated the detail she goes intoā¦ Still torn between approaches; whatās the ālieā and ātruthā for Cole? Too many directions it could take! Thursday
Start time: 10 am & 2:30 pm
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Drinking: black tea
Day 137
30 Dec 2016
Feels kinda like everything is stalling out right now. April and Henry have had one too many chapters of chatting, while Coleās plot keeps getting bogged down around motivation. The twistiness around the climax is pretty murky; Cole is pretty much either angry or scared all the time, which stops being a convincing motivation, or at least an interesting one. Iāve tweaked it so she at least gets angry and determined within the first third, but thatās probably not a compelling enough reason to root for her, and doesnāt jive with the wrap up very evenly. If sheās determined not to get tricked again, she should work towards breaking free, which she does, and then realize what she wants isnāt to be free, but toā¦ what? Help others? She doesnāt have any basis for believing that. Itās imposed morality. It doesnāt make sense for her to even believe thereās a better life to be had, a reason to keep trying, by the end of the second act. So why keep trying? Why run or stay? If the motivation is to keep trying, then her reward for trying kind of works out. Plus thereās a little built-in catch where you canāt save yourself, you only escape by trying to save someone else, but I canāt just drop that in without setting it upā¦ Agh! Maybe I could work the romance angle harder? Have her more attached to Ravel and Itri? Be all excited about meeting up with Itri and getting saved? But then sheās just submitting again. Thereās an essential element of rebellion missing, or at least not continuous. The emotional stakes of Cole/Cadence with Itri seem like the key, but Iām not sure how. Maybe one of them needs to sacrifice his/herself to make it all work? Or a lesson about trying to leave it all behind, but in the end the people you encounter have an emotional bond that you canāt just walk away from?
What if Cole is motivated by a desire to be wanted? Loved? What if her motivation is originally to overcome the boundaries, but she realizes in abandoning boundaries, she doesnāt get what sheās wanted all along, which is to be valued for herself? Or something?
What if everyone else wants something different out of her, and she feels like a failure for not being what they want/need? That gives her motivation for continually trying to be good enough, suppressing her own desires, and culminating in the grand disappointment in not being the Cadence that Itri wants? Her arc goes from trying to meet expectations, running from expectations, abandoning the very construct of expectations, to choosing to turn back and save those whose expectations she fails to meetā¦
Fiday
Start time: 2 pm
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Day 136
29 Dec 2016
Iām coming to the realization that the first 100,000-odd words were basically the cost of getting to know and explore the story world and characters well enough to be able to write an effective story. Not, as Iād hoped, telling the story itself. Or something.
Which could actually be good, if it makes it possible to get through redoing the plot and rewriting in a more focused, effective and efficient manner. Good progress yesterday; Iāve got plot points charted for everything except the story climax and resolution. I got to that point and realized that the motivations/goals/moral-of-the-story type stuff had all shifted and could be interpreted differently depending on the final scenes, and decided a nightās sleep and a fresh read-through might bring clarity and shape the direction better than pushing through. Thereās kind of too many interpretations at this point, and I need to narrow them down and support them with the final actions; should Coleās journey be about escaping, taking responsibility, helping others, owning her power, reconciling with her demons/ghosts/feelings etc.? I tend to embrace the ambiguity and let too many elements lay around cluttering things up, but apparently readers prefer a tidy resolution to a poetic open interpretation, plus I need to set things up for the sequel, and Coleās ending realization and new goal set that stageā¦
So, big work to do, plus some mechanics, mapping the plot points back explicitly to goal-conflict-response and character motivation. I think Iām using too many words + long form when I should be keeping it higher level and point form, but itās too tempting to preserve ideas as they come, and if itās all on track, Iāll have given myself a jump-start on the rewrites. I also need to review how the plot points incorporate (or donāt) the interactions and intersections of other cast members, revealing enough of the side stories to Cole that she has the pieces to start to understand, talk to the right people, and react down the road appropriately. So, kind of fun and kind of brain-melting!
Iāve had some good moments doing the planning; letās hope my editorās response affirms the work and I donāt have to do it all over! Iāll hit send early next week, and if itās a ātry againā, Iāll be seriously behind on my actual schedule, instead of just behind on my overly ambitious/wishful thinking schedule.
Iām warming up to the three-act structure spreadsheet, too; itās certainly constraining, and I think I might have more like five actsā¦ but it did help push me to consider what function plot points were serving and where emotional beats and stakes ought to be communicated. It also kind of forces me past all the concerns about whatās being lost and into strategizing a more engaging story, which is perhaps a bit tragic, but helpful in pursuing my pragmatic career plans over my artistic, self-indulgent fantasies, so it pretty much does what I told my editor I wanted out of her helpā¦ Well done, spreadsheet!
Note: The likability problem. Cole is a good kid with realistic reactions. Boring? She displays some intelligence & feistiness early on, but thatās about itā¦
Thursday
Start time: 1:45 pm
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Drinking: black tea
Day 135
28 Dec 2016
Merry Christmas all, and good luck at enjoying a restful, fun and productive time over the holidays. I feel your pain. Or maybe thatās just my pain. Lol balance. And time. Just look at it fly!
Anyways, back on point. The serials are picking up incrementally - Wattpad is still slow, but Iāve got at least one reader per story on Jukepop and textnovel - thatās good, right?? Or maybe not, but I can see how, as you go along, readers would be more likely to invest and engage. The capacity to finish a story must be proven, and all that. The capacity to tell a good one, howeverā¦ well, I guess thereās grace for that. And rewritesā¦ Iām thinking that, assuming I can get through rewrites before my next deadline (April) on Blind the Eyes, while making enough money, traveling and finding a place to stay that doesnāt incur debt, then I can at least map out character motivations and plot, and maybe even scenes for at least one of the two serials, lining it up for rewrites and eventual publication, if I can build up a decent readership. And by decent, I mean more than a dozen. Ugh.
Back to the first priority. I feel like the current character arc is strong(er) for Cole, so Iām in the process of porting that over to my book map, which should confirm, at the least, that protagonist agency is driving appropriate action from start to finish. If I can get that ironed out and sent over to my editor for review, and then weave in supporting cast or any additional viewpoints to integrate secondary character arcs with the plot, and get that all sorted, I can finally, for real this time, start rewrites! Sigh. The good thing about this process is, tying the plot to a single character arc pretty much writes the scenes for you, at least as far as I can tell, since it straight-up maps to Goal-conflict-reaction all the way through. Although, possibly I just feel like Cole has motivation and agency through the plot because I drew it with connecting arrowsā¦ but hey, thatās what you have an editor to check for, isnāt it?
Iām not too sure about the wants/goals motivations still; I canāt work out how to do strong overarching goals with any subtlety - it all just comes out like some kind of fantasy epic or anime quest or something - so itās more a series of incremental goals. Not a recipe for ultimate reader engagement, but I donāt see a way to follow all the ārulesā and still write this story with these characters with integrity. And since Iāve started that other serial to explore if things went in a different direction, Iām not too interested in completely overhauling the cast, plot and setting for BtE. On the plus side, the current character arc and book map allow for most of the same plot points as the original draft (minus all the side stories, which Iām hoping to preserve as freebie and novella fodder), so thereās a possibility that I could revise to correct motivations instead of wholesale rewriting 80,000ish wordsā¦ But maybe Iām just being lazy and should throw it all outā¦ Nah.
Part 2
Book map is turning out to be more difficult than anticipated. I think itās working off of a three-act structure? Which is annoying. Or maybe just challenging. Hard to tell. Based on the spreadsheet, Iāve made it to the early act 2 stage, which is something (only on plot points, though; need to go map points to goal-conflict-response and character motivation still), and only for the Cole-arc plot points, but hey, celebrate small wins, right?
Start time: 1 & 3 pm
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Drinking: black tea
Day 134
22 Dec 2016
Success! The flipchart experiment went quite well - I got a good few hours of work in, charted character arcs by motivation for Cole, Cadence and Itri, with side-stream Goal-Conflict-Response charting for each, and explored the fascinating world of ink-stains and hand cramps. So all in all, a good experience.
On the downside, while I think Iāve got Coleās story arc working well, Iām not so clear on how to handle the rest of the cast. Now that sheās moving the plot forward with her motivation and actions, everyone elseās motivations and interactions seem a bit weak. And since I really ought to limit the story to her perspective, vast swathes of supporting and key cast membersā stories and actions have no real way of coming through, which is a bit tragic. But I kind of have to push forward and not get mired in details, or I lose all momentum, so thereās that too. I should really take a beat and look back at scene plotting too; I have this vague recollection that it might map nicely to protagonist goal-conflict-response, but if it doesnāt, Iāve got even more work ahead of meā¦ But generally, itās been a good week, and something about working with paper is helping, whether itās the tactile, a step away from distractions, or just a larger visual working spaceā¦
Thursday
Start time: 11:45 am
Abbotsford, BC - home/table
Drinking: Earl Grey tea with eggnog
Day 133
21 Dec 2016
New tactic; Iāve been doing research, reading up on theory and coming up with ideas, but not really making progress and generating forward momentum. So, in a dramatic turnabout (for me), Iām going to try stepping away from the keyboard in favour of flipchart paper and pens. Cue fanfare. Yes, I know, how luddite. I may give up on it pretty quickly - never really been my thing - but Iām hoping it triggers some better outcomes. Particularly because Iām now playing with the idea of doing some family time up in the Okanagan between Christmas and New Years, which could be a great relational investment, but also means another week mostly lost.
The latest ideas for the saga of Cole are: What if Cadence expressly identified and explained herself as a āghostā to Cole? This one comes straight out of Brenna Yovanoffās brilliant Paper Valentine, where she again manages to do everything Iām failing miserably at. Read it. Love it. Cry with me. Anyways, the advantage to this approach is that Cole has a rational explanation for Cadenceās presence, can be suitably angsty over whether or not to trust her and follow what she says (is she good/evil, good fairy or treacherous antagonist? Who knows?) while setting things up for a twist at the end - oh, wow, Cadence is actually Coleās former self. And sheās not coming back! Poor Itri; his little buddyās gone forever! What tragedy! ā¦plus some sort of dramatic irony (potential spoiler alert) with the reality that actual ghosts are the evil at the root of the world.
Although, that could just muck things up royally. Another idea would be to key Coleās motivation as a desire/longing/drive to understand. She explains this away as acceptable because sheās just investing in admiring the power and goodness etc. of the Tower. But her desire to understand leads her to uncover dark broken mysterious anomalies like the existence and rising violence and frequency of the dream deaths, undermining the Tower system and her own security. Successively looking for a new authority to trust in and find security in exposes the danger and broken dark heart of all the various expansions to her world - Cadenceās naivety (??), Ravelās mercenary betrayals, Victoireās essential inefficacy, until she has to turn inward to understand herself and create a new worldview and approach of her own that embraces the dangers and gives her a foundation and a motivation to go out and help others. In some ways, this comes a bit full circle to the origins of this story and could still explore themes, difficult characters and some of the more recent ideas like Cadence as undercover operative pretending to be a dead girl. Or something. So! Time to map it out and see if it actually works!
Wednesday
Start time: 13:45 pm
Abbotsford, BC - home/table
Drinking: red wine
Day 132
20 Dec 2016
Yeah, so that wasnāt quite it. The whole Cole/Cadence/Victoire triad isnāt coming across successfully, while Coleās key motivation or goal being ānot responsibleā isnāt setting up the plot much better than the āstay safeā agendaā¦ but! I think a critical distinction to be made is the difference between āstory goalā and āunderlying motivationā.
Iāve pretty much come to terms with this not being the next Hunger Games or what have you, and Iām not too keen on pursuing the kind of fast-paced thriller plotting that could take it there, at least not to the detriment of the character and world rules, the core themes being explored. However, I do recognize that publishing, whether Indie or trad, is highly competitive, my readers expressed clear frustration with the pacing, and my web fiction serials are showing lacklustre performance at best. Somethingās gotta change. Even with a āperfectā book, itāll be a monumental task to promote, gain readers, and make even enough money to earn back what Iāll end up paying out to get this thing out there. Plus, half of the point of hiring an editor was to have someone to push against and be pushed by.
So. Hereās the brainwave - themes and the essence of the character are not the characterās story goal. The story goal is the thing that moves the plot along. The theme and the character kind of happen through and around that. Sound plausible? Practically, this means that I may be able to give Cole a mission while still exploring her ādifficultā side, her issues with wanting and feeling and engaging others and taking responsibility. So Iām thinking sheāll start out ādiscoveringā an issue with dreamdeaths taking place (or escalating?) under Tower rule, be suitably upset that her whole worldview is based on lies, which is the motivation for first confirming the premise - by making a clandestine visit to the site of Bellās death, maybe setting up the Morrises/Serov/Haynfyv subplots and stumbling over evidence of the actual results of dreamdeath to make it more viscerally real - and then in reaction to that, seeking out a way to survive.
(Potential Spoilers Alert!) If you map it out, thereās kind of a cool symmetry to the plot points - sheās existed in this tension between the Tower urge to obey and Cadenceās call to rebel, but then encountering Ravel sort of tips the balance to the rebel side and she starts exploring this larger worldā¦ Cadence gets her āoutsideā to the rooftop, but thatās scary, she doesnāt understand it, and she almost dies. But the Towerās safety is questionable, so she tries following Ravel, learning about and entering into his world and philosophy. But thatās scary in its own way, so Victoire is born to cope with the ways that Cole canāt handle it. And then dreamdeath invades this new, scary-but-safe world and turns it hostile and Cole ends up in the Tower, which feels like home, so she tries to forget and rejoin her old life. But then the dreamdeath invades her life there too, and nothingās safe in any sense of the world, and none of the systems or leaders offer an answer sheās okay with.
Thereās some threads missing, though. Cole needs to take responsibility, be her own āleaderā or discover her own āsystemā for survival. And it doesnāt satisfactorily cope with the ālearning to wantā aspect - yet. I think Iāll try mapping this premise out and see if I can get it to cover all the bases Iām not willing to sacrificeā¦ Seems to be the best set up so far! Although, Iām reading another Brenna Yovanoff book (Paper Valentine), which is setting up more protagonists without clear motivations or goals, which is making me more obstinate about conforming to traditional or rule-abiding forms of storytellingā¦ Agh!
Part 2
Apparently I only like systems when Iām the one making them. All this three-act scene/story/character scripting is driving me up the wall. At least partially, because I canāt see it working for anything except very pat, predictable stories. Maybe Iāve been reading on the artistic edge of pop-culture, when I thought I was in the thick of mass-market? Anyways, it sucks and I totally donāt want to do the paperwork. So instead, I dream up more and more creative āwhat-ifā scenarios that add clutter and avoid the core story problems. Which is, like, cool but totally unhelpful. Must. do. the. paperworkā¦ Tuesday
Start time: 10:30 am & 3:45 pm
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Drinking: Earl Grey tea & red wine
Day 131
15 Dec 2016
And now itās official. First day of (for real this time!) rewrites! Iām using exclamation points because I totally donāt feel the buzz!! For real, though: ugh. What do I evenā¦
So I just finished reading Brenna Yovanoffās Places No One Knows. Which is pretty much everything I hoped I could do in a story, but apparently canāt. Seriously, go read it. All her stuff is amazing; beautifully written and realized, honest, incisive, imaginative, just spectacular. And there are other YA authors creating beautiful, deep, artistic yet entertaining work, just like there are hundreds of YA and genre fiction writers churning out fast-paced, light reads. I just canāt stop seeing it as an either/or. Follow the rules and create an easy-to-like fast read, or dig deep and craft something beautiful, controversial and difficult.
I tried to start the first, ended up aiming for the second, and pretty much missed the mark on both. But back to Brennaās genius. Dual POV narrative. Complex characters who are painfully recognizable, should be unlikeable but arenāt, who expose the core of humanity without wallowing in venalityā¦ And who move through the story without clear goals. Or maybe they have too many goals? Waverley and Marshall. Waverley is the perfect socialite with hidden depths. Marshall is the stereotypical stoner deadbeat trying to drown out his conscience.
On the surface, Waverley gives the impression of wanting, what? Everything? Social acceptance, social currency and power, a peer group, a place, a bright future? But, since weāre in her head for the story, we know that she doesnāt really care for any of it, or at least, she questions the value of it. Sheās painfully, adolescently aware of the dark underbelly of the social world, the scheming, conniving power plays, the elaborate, deniable attacks. Which, wow. Props to Brenna for articulating this subtlety! But back to Brenna. She is conscious of herself as separate from it, conscious that her obsessive desire to run and her insomnia point to underlying issues, but sheās also ignoring these warning signs, not wanting to address their root causes, not wanting to upset the balance. She talks about needing to win, to be first, but happily plays Beta to her best friendās Alpha. So she doesnāt really want to win, to be first, even to play the social game. She doesnāt want to deal with her problems, to understand and acknowledge them. Whatās her goal? To be accepted? And then it shifts to wanting to be loved for herself? Not really (spoiler) - she seems to come to understand this by the end - but it wasnāt her motivating force. If anything, her goal is to stay safe, to maintain the balance, to stay where she isā¦ but wait, isnāt that a terrible way to set up a book? Why does it work?
And then thereās Marshall. Marshall who is hurt and hurting, and wanting to drive it all away. Marshall who wants to protect and love and be loved, to be real. But thatās not his āstory goalā, or rather, we donāt understand that thatās his underlying motivation until the very end. So it doesnāt count as a way to move things forward.
But itās real, and itās complex and interesting. I read the book over four days instead of the usual 1-2, but it didnāt feel slow or painful (much) to get through. It gets mixed reviews and elicits a response, but overall ratings are in keeping with Brennaās more traditional books (nearly a full four stars - pretty excellent). Why does it work? What keeps the story moving forward; what gets you invested in the characters and their journey?
Is it the honesty, the realness and freshness of Waverleyās perspective? Is it the unexplained magic of dream walking - which, wow again; to just not dive into the mechanics at all! - that keeps you reading, the pure strangeness of all of it, the mystery of the unexplained? Because thatās another questionable tactic, if you read the editing books and blogsā¦
And how can I make it work for me?
I created or discovered a world where motivation, where goals of any kind, are explicitly forbidden. Theyāre both outlawed and literally deadly. Oops. But that world had to exist to explain Cole, who is totally comfortable not wanting anything. Or maybe more to the point, never knows what she wants at any given time. Which is pretty human. To moderate that effect, Cadence showed up. Coleās motivation, personified. Except, once sheās a person, she has all the motivation and goals, and becomes the primary way to move the story forward. But to tell the story from her perspective loses the point, which was to take an unlikeable, unmotivated, confused and confusing girl and bring readers into her world. Itās not a story about Cole learning to become Cadence, or Cadence saving Cole, itās a story about Cole learning to be Cole.
Maybe Iāve been writing the premise wrong all this time. Iāve been saying things about the world, how itās oppressive, how itās limiting, how it limits choices, and thatās all true, but itās just setting. The premise is, Coleās world kept her from learning how or what to want, and when her world got bigger than the rules, she had to learn what it was to respond, to want or not want, to choose on her own. All of the sudden, she had choices between keeping or breaking the rules, following, staying, or creating her own path. And as her world expands, the voices influencing her do too. She starts with Cadence and the Tower. The Tower says obey, Cadence says rebel. Then Ravel shows up, doubling the call to rebel, and the scales are tipped. Cole follows. But the paths diverge again. Cadence says escape, Ravel says join, immerse, and the Towerās still there, offering safety in return for obedience. The choices are too big and too divided; Cole wonāt commit. Cole wants someone else to be responsible for making the choices. Maybe thatās the key. Cole doesnāt want to be responsible. So when Victoire arises, tipping the scales toward Ravel, itās not her fault that things are getting scary, getting out of hand. She can explore things without the consequences being her fault, because itās either Cadence or Victoire at fault.
Spoiler! Potential backstory: Cole was sent on a mission to infiltrate the Tower and the city. She was supposed to just act programmed, but something went wrong. She was actually programmed, but because she was on a mission, it didnāt quite take. Cadence is the part of her that remembers the mission, and remembers that Itri is meant to meet up with her. Sheās trying to move Cole to the meeting point. Cole is resisting, following her programming, broken and starting anew, a different person now, and one who only wants to not be responsible. Maybe itās older trauma, a reaction against who she used to be. Maybe she had regrets as Cadence. Maybe she feared getting in over her head. Whatever. Cole starts as a blank slate and develops into the opposite of who she was a Cadence, but Cadence is still around, pushing her. And it kind of works, because Cole can use Cadence as a crutch to blame failures on, and later, Victoire (who, spoiler again, is just imaginary).
Thursday
Start time: 10:30 am
Abbotsford, BC - home/couch
Drinking: cold rooibos tea
Day 130
12 Nov 2016
Lost track for a bit there; itās been a good few days of sorting out paperwork for my editor. Deposit and first instalment are now paid, and substantive edit manuscript sent as of Monday. It was a huge mess, of course; mainly Beta draft, but with significant edits to the first chapter and a first half dozen chapters reworked and shuffled to read from only Cole and Cadenceās perspectives. And nearly 100,000 words, which was not ideal, but in the interests of moving things forwardā¦ For the rest of the week, Iāve been trying to answer some very simple questions for the edit; character motivations, premise and publication categories (genre). Yeah, really shouldnāt have taken a week, but unsurprisinglyā¦ SO while every named character - and there are lots - had a backstory and fairly clear core motivation, none of them really had good āstory goalsā - missions, basically. More or less the same problem with the premise; Cole, as I knew all along, is kind of passive through the whole thing, with stuff happening and others - mostly Cadence and Ravel - moving her along. So building a story arc around that gets a littleā¦ Took me about about four stabs at the premise to even distil down to something acceptable, although at least part of the trouble was making the distinction between a detailed plot structure and a basic premise - as usual, not great at being concise. But I think Iāve got it down to something reasonable, which is good. Once thatās gone, I can go through the same murky process to chart and hopefully better edit that excerpt into a short story for a YA magazine call. Then Iāve got until the end of the monthā¦ now only half a month, how did that happenā¦ to either work on another creative project, or push for more consulting workā¦ or both, I suppose. Thereās been a fairly steady trickle of work coming through, but not enough to catch up with costs between paying my own consultant, travelling and day to day costs. But as usual, if I ramp up the consulting work, itās not easy to step it back down again, and Iāll need to start the (probably extensive) rewrites at the end of the month. But money would be niceā¦ but another creative work is either publicity or money or both if all goes wellā¦ so yeah, convoluted math all around. Meanwhile, Iām wondering what Iām doing sitting on the edge of Scotland and never leaving my room, lol. Oh, workā¦
Saturday
Start time: 11 am
Mallaig: The Lodge at the West Highland Hotel, bed
Drinking: Lady Grey tea with turmeric
Day 129
03 Nov 2016
And in yet another stunning about-turn, Iāve gone and upended the plan again over the last couple weeks. Which is mostly good. The biggest component of which is my editor(!) who will presumably be helping me get this bizarre compilation of perspectives Iāve been calling a book into some kind of shape that people will actually enjoy reading. Yup, I took the plunge. Signed, scheduled, deposit paid (in USD - ouch!) and everything. The manuscript is due to her on November 6, and sheāll have the first round of edits, a high-level analysis of the plot, characters, and what I need to do to beat it into shape, back by the end of November. Which means my super-long trip back for Christmas and the baby is actually going to be a rewriting holiday. Ugh/lol. But if I want to publish this summer, Iāve got to hit those targets at the very least - itās going to be a tight fit. The current schedule is first round edits back for end of November, rewrites until the beginning of April, second high-level content edit on those for the beginning of May and subsequent cleanup done by June. Line edits of the near-final manuscript through Juneā¦ and then it kind of falls apart; Iād wanted to be publishing at that point, but realistically, Iāll need to work through the line edits, which are undoubtably going to be painful, nitpicky and slow like every other stage of this, potentially turn things back around to my editor if itās still not quite there, and even if itās all good at that stage, hire a proofreader or three and have them check, then format and publishā¦ so yeah, at this rate Iāll be doing good if I hit next Christmas as a target. Ugh. But I wanted to make sure I put out a high-quality project, so at least Iāve got the ball rolling. And my editor had an opening almost right away, so not having to wait until next May to even get started is a huge step forwardā¦ and the beta reader feedback really made it pretty clear that the manuscript needed some hard editing to shine. Or, you know, be readable. At the same time all this was going on, the season at the hotel ground to a screeching halt. Four days in a row off! I didnāt believe them when they said it would get slower, but the time has finally arrived! So I deked off to Skye and Lochalsh for a few days to celebrate. Eilean Donan castle was actually pretty cool, as was Talisker. The rest was kinda meh - Iāve really got to stop staying in hostels when I travel, and with the off-season hitting everywhere at about the same time, itās getting harder to get places and see things. So many places close or go to reduced hours. And as usual, travel takes a huge bite out of savings, which would have been less of an issue if Iād had more consulting come through in October and not been staring down an enormous editorial consulting bill. Around $3K is pretty standard for the better qualty consulting, but with the Canada-US exchange rate right now, Iām looking at around $4K for just the editing. Miraculously, Iāve had a really large consulting project come through in the last week - irritatingly, just at the tail end of travel on Skye, but thankfully, the returns from the tasks add up to just a shade more than Iāve had to pay for the first downpayment when the exchange is all sorted. Very cool timing, even if it has kept me busy for a straight week. Thank goodness for the slow tourist season! Although on the other hand, now I feel guilty for hanging around when they donāt really need me here anymoreā¦ On the (creative) writing side, I think my editorās under the impression that Iāll be frantically working on revisions right until the handoff, but I think Iāll just go through and clean up some formatting in the snarled mess that is the current draft and let her have the whole mass of it to chew onā¦ Not a cost-effective plan, since editing is charged based on word count, but thereās not time to cut it right back to a Cole/Cadence format, and Iām still not quite sure thatās the best way to go. Also, sheās got a whole pile of paperwork for me to write up, so Iāll focus on actually coming up with answers for her in lieu of bumbling about my own story trying to see through the haze. And then Iām staring down a whole month with not much of a plan. Youāre not supposed to touch your manuscript while itās in editing. So. The hotelās slow; just a couple of shifts a week for me to worry about. Thereās not much in the area I really care about seeing and travel takes money, so it really has to be worth it. I could chase some consulting work - maybe pursue that plan to get into proofreading for the indie market? - but if I land any bigger contracts, and they spill over past the end of the month, Iāve just made it harder for myself. I could switch gears and write something else. The next book would be a good idea (lol, but probably not). Iām toying with the idea - again - of messing around with serial release web novels. I could do something with a story about this locationā¦ being here and allā¦ or dust off one of my teen-era novels and jazz it up quick, which is prolly a better planā¦ or target some writing competitions and embarrass myself professionally for the chance to scrounge some cash. And I should revisit my marketing strategy, as instagramming liquor and landscape shots isnāt really getting my book anywhereā¦ so lotās to do, none of which I feel particularly inspired to get started on just now. Iāll blame that on the slow-burn cold that I picked up in London. For the moment, Iāll fall back on the usual plan and just sit the computer on my lap until words start showing up.
Thursday
Start time: 11 am
Mallaig: The Lodge at the West Highland Hotel, bed
Drinking: green tea with matcha
Day 128
20 Oct 2016
So I compiled the draft down to just the āColeā chapters with a handful of āCadenceā insert chapters to see what that would look like. Ouch. Cuts the word count in half, for an entirely unimpressive 50K, for one thing. Iām still undecided on whether ditching all the supporting perspectives and characters is a good strategy, or just a tactic to get a better handle on the rewrites - itās so intertwined that itās hard to work out how the story could make sense without everyone else, and as soon as you start adding people back in (Haynfyvā¦ Ghostā¦) the rest come tumbling after. So now Iām stuck again; do I send the trimmed-down and mostly-unedited version to my (maybe) editor, or the whole bloated and confusing beta-readersā edition, and with or without my updated early chapters? With or without the shuffled chapter order? Aargh. So Iām sitting, staring at a (mostly) blank Word document, and trying to figure out what to paste into it. Instead of, you know, actually writing anything. Again.
In other news, thereās a book festival in town this weekend (a write highland hoolie) and I started one of the featured authorās books yesterday: Lie of the Land by Michael F. Russell. Which drops you into a sort of dystopian futuristic setting where you have to figure everything out from context. Which is confusing, yes, but he seems to have gotten pretty good reviews, regardless. So some people seem to get away with subtlety and not over-explaining every little thing. Just not me, apparently.
OK, decision time. I think Iāll paste in my beta edition for my prospective editor, with a note about the updated first few chapters and possible change in direction, and then, time allowing, proceed to work on the draft as if I were ditching everything but Cadence & Coleās perspectives. Plan->Action->Go.
Thursday
Start time: 3:30 pm
Mallaig: The Lodge at the West Highland Hotel, bed
Drinking: Gin & Tonic
Day 127
19 Oct 2016
So Iām up to five (six if you count the pair-feedback) beta reader feedback responses, which is great. And frustrating, as I probably should dial it back and call it āalphaā reader feedback - significant enough issues flagged that this probably shouldnāt have gone out as a wide-scale release. In all but one instance, the unifying complaint was: too confusing! So I guess the lesson learned is subtlety=bad. Generally, not enough is being explained and grounded as you go along, and the multiple viewpoints are confusing, and the side characters lack development. So, mostly things I was worried about, lol. A trip back to London in the midst of all this, while awesome and not nearly long enough, also stalled any forward momentum that I might have been inching towardā¦ Iām a bit stuck as to how to make things clearer; the multiple viewpoints were a way to give more information without violating that first-person limited perspective. And itās generally considered ābadā writing to just say whatās going on, so thatās outā¦ And most of the things that need clarity could be brought out in greater detail by secondary characters, but that makes things even more confusing and fragmentedā¦ and the villains and secondary characters come across as one-dimensional, which is also unhelpfulā¦ and I really just wanted this process to be done already, lol. So. Strategyā¦ What can I cut? What if I moved even more of the perspectives and sections out of the narrative? A.K.A. the novella marketing move. Could the Morristu sections stand on their own? What about the dream deaths? Or Haynfyv? Or even Ghost? What if the entire story were told from Coleās perspective? Shorter, simpler, more active (eventually), although even less well-informedā¦ Iām afraid to discard anything, as thereās a purpose for each piece, each character, each observation, but readers are saying pretty clearly that they canāt see the links (or not until right at the end), so trimming the subtlety could be a smarter move than trying to go back and spell each connection out in detail without bloating the whole thing.
As far as editors go, the first one I contacted, while recommended by one of the more successful Indie authors, isnāt taking bookings until May. Which at the rate Iām moving is probably not a problem, but still. May. Before I can even start on the end gameā¦ So I wasted more time on researching other editors (instead of writing, or at least rewriting, which after all, is what Iām supposed to be doingā¦) - and came up with another candidate. I really like the coherence and detail with which she explained her services, and the price isā¦ painful, but also more or less reasonable for what she presumably would be providing, and in line with the better quality indie editing services out there. The first book of hers that I tracked down hasnāt been particularly impressive so far, but Iāll push forward a bit from there and see how it goesā¦ As with every stage of this process, this is more painful and taking much longer than I anticipated (lol?) - and yet, I can only move forward. Although, in cruising the indie-publishing thread of Goodreads, it occurred to me that I really ought to do more looking into proofreading and maybe doing some copy-editing for that market. So I may look into that, because why not put more on my plate?
Speaking of which, the ticket is bought, and in a stunning change of plans, I will be flying back to Vancouver on December 7 until sometime in February (post-niece or nephew) - and presumably doing some in-depth writing work as well as catching up with family and friends. I had hoped to have more to show for myself before (if ever) backtracking, but this plan does have its merits. And since Iām not as long for the Highlands and Islands as Iād assumed, Iād better step up my tourist game and get out more in the meantime. And having carted my violin and guitar back up here with me, music is also on the agenda. So yeah. Maybe I can sleep less or somethingā¦ Sigh. Thursday
Start time: 1 pm
Mallaig: The Lodge at the West Highland Hotel, bed
Day 126
06 Oct 2016
So a 5pm start time is a bit unfair; really, Iāve been researching and updating and communicating and all the other stuff writers do besides write, since, oh, 9:30 am or so. At least todayās hours āwastedā had a more tangible outcome than most. I may have found an editor! Strong references from Lindsay Buroker and several other indie-published authors, as well as a reasonably-well presented website balance the probably higher prices than some. I took the plunge and messaged her just now, so perhaps that will get things going. Also had more beta reader feedback overnight, which was great! Well, it wasnāt actually great, but the fact that I got it helped. Basically, less style more substance is what it all boils down to - no one can figure out whatās going on. Lol? Trying to figure out if itās just a matter of slowing down and explaining more up front, or if I need to full-on change some stylistic choices, maybe go full third-person so the perspectiveās not so limited. One idea would be to have Cadence explain some of the backstory and be a guide for us to this world. But she shouldnāt really know everything either, so maybe that just complicates things? Another approach would be to streamline everything down to just Coleās perspective, making for a more direct narrative arc. That would actually reduce the amount of explanation possible, but it might be less frustrating for the reader. Or all my beta readers could just be doing what all readers do; asking questions, pushing for more, thinking around the story. But yeah, definitely some changes needed. Iām going to have a go at writing a Cadence-perspective insert and see how that works. Typically, Iām instinctively against simplifying thingsā¦ But I probably ought to sit down and map out the āmysteriesā and ārevealsā for everything confusing - hard to do when you havenāt actually plotted out the sequels! Also, Iām playing with the idea of introducing the multiple-personality bit sooner - as early as the āBellā chapter, maybe, just in hints. Which would increase complexity, but also give more background to tie things together with sooner. Or maybe the Bell chapter needs more awareness, Suzannah understanding whatās happening near the end? Seems like itād really interrupt the flow and suspense, but the consistent feedback is: needs more clarity sooner. So thatās an ideaā¦
Thursday
Start time: 5 pm
Mallaig: The rocks behind the community centre
Day 125
05 Oct 2016
Two day streak! Of course, Iām still on chapter 1, so no need to get too excited >_>; Put in hours yesterday sorting beta feedback, much of which was simply embarrassing errors and inconsistencies, and I believe Iām waiting on at least one more round to come in. Following that, Iād like to release as a web-serial, but I need to look into the terms and copyright implications of that. Ideally, Iād get up draft 3 as a serial pre-release to create buzz, but then again, Iām not sure how much that translates to publicity for the same (albeit more polished) book, rather than a freebie leading into a sequel as per Lindsay Buroker, of the <a href=āhttp://www.lindsayburoker.comā targetā_blankā>excellent writerās blog</a> and intimidating publication list. While most of the editing/rewriting has been a clean-up effort, clarifying and correcting pretty obvious issues, Iām wondering if thereās more significant change needed. What can I trim? What doesnāt ring true? Why isnāt there more dialogue? Is my world-building pathetically thin? And then, why is this taking so long??! I need to get on with lifeā¦! Iām pretty resigned to not making much money off this even once itās up and running, but I do want to be able to write in future, or rather, I have this bizarre compulsion to keep writing despite all the excellent reasons not to, so I kind of need to make it happen.
Looking at the possibility of going home around Christmas, and possibly for like, three months, until the baby comes. (!) Which means lots of things, most of which I really donāt have the space, time or inclination to explore in detail. If I published beforehand, if I could even realistically target that Christmas season release date, would/should/could I be doing publicity at home, pushing to get into bookstores and local news outlets? What would that mean for my visa and residency? Costs to maintain dual streams of healthcare etc? Taxes? Work? People stuff? Freakinā luggage? Lugging instruments back and forth across the Atlantic gets old, fast, and Iām not a fan of āgoing backā to places Iāve been, really. But that is still where I have friends, familyā¦ So, more uncertainty to be a distraction while I try to press onward and upward!
Tuesday
Start time: 10 am
Mallaig: The West Highland Hotel, staff quarters block 1 the room beside 4, bed & the hotel lobby, armchair nook
Soundtrack: Citizens & Saints/Ghost Ship/Modern Post/Kings Kaleidoscope
Drinking: ginger lemon green tea with lemon
Day 124
04 Oct 2016
āHope is a waking dream.ā - Aristotle, used in Jennifer Rushās excellent āAlteredā. Perfect. Not so perfect is the challenge Iām having tracking down a good indie-published YA bookā¦ the obvious writing and storytelling quality issues that Iāve come across in every one so far are really concerning. Is it really just that impossible to access quality editing support as an independent? My research efforts would seem to indicate that thatās the case - not much out there, at least on the surface. I can sort of see where people go wrong - itās very tempting to think that what I can make, and the degree to which I can polish it is totally adequate. Very tempting to just get it out there. After all, the only thing holding me back is fear of my own blind spots. But is that foolish and limiting fear, or wisdom ringing the alarm? Unfortunately, I suspect the latter, and so will continue investing. Iād really prefer not to go the writerās group route, but given the slow/lacking beta reader response rate and difficulty in tracking down quality editing services, it may prove the most expedient.
I think itās time to review the dreaded feedback notes - all three of them (lol/tear). Contemplated a dram of whisky to fortify myself, but itās a little early, and I want to get a solid day of work in, so I think Iāll be doing this coldā¦
Part 2
So that was exhausting. Two hours to get through another pass of the first chapter and review one beta readerās comments. This is going to take forever - maybe I should be happy I donāt have much feedback to wade through? Or something. Unpleasant as the slogging pace and tedium of facing every one of my mistakes is, the feedback I do have so far has been excellent for clearly addressing concerns. Quality over quantity, I supposeā¦
Tuesday
Start time: 9:45 am & 1 pm
Mallaig: The West Highland Hotel, staff quarters block 1 the room beside 4, bed & the hotel lobby, armchair nook
Soundtrack: the Nashville soundtrack
Drinking: ginger lemon green tea with lemon
Day 123
30 Sep 2016
So Iām coming up to one of those conversations again. The ones where I dread it and run all possible scenarios, comments and expressions in a loop in my head. The ones that generally turn out to be less unpleasant than anticipated, but generally less productive too. Gotta get my hours down again; Iām spending too much time scrubbing toilets and not enough working this book. Or consulting. Or generally enjoying life. All of which rank higher in my strategic plan. But for whatever reason, I have an asking problem. I hate doing it, dread doing, avoid doing it, and rarely benefit from doing it. Feminist theory might have something to say about thatā¦ Either way, life lesson fail.
One more run at the first couple chapters, then Iād really better review my bit of feedback and see what lines up. Should probably get in touch directly with a few of those beta readers as well and press for some responses (again with the asking problem). Thankfully, the cold that Iāve been (literally) working through hasnāt been too debilitating, so hopefully I can stay clear and get some good work done. Made little to no progress on the whole finding an editor issue, which Iād be more concerned about if I were further through the rewrites or stumped as to improvements to makeā¦
Part 2
OK, I think Iām happy with where the first chapter (became the first 2, just to add to the confusion) got to. A bit too talky/narrative with world-building, backstory and motivation all cramming in to not enough action, but it feels right, which is about as technical as I want to get with things at this stage. Iāll push through to the first 5 (now 6) hopefully today, and then be able to scan through again based on feedback. If all goes well, I could even start releasing the preview edition on whatever that site wasā¦ Reddit, Tumblr and Instagram, I think, to start. Maybe Twitter? Although thatād be super irritating to read, imho.
The Holy Grass vodka is spicy with apple-pie baking notes of caramel-cinnamon. Extremely tasty, and not at all neutral - like complex gin minus the juniper, really. The Isle of Harris comes off a little bland afterward - clean, cool green notes with pepper, and the cucumber manages not to overpower. The Rock Rose couldnāt possibly be overpowered, with a strongly exotic, curry-cumin or dill scent. Fascinating, tasty and layered.
Friday
Start time: 3 & 4 pm
Mallaig: the seawall across from the high school & The Tea Garden Cafe
Soundtrack: ocean waves and passing cars & ā70s pop-rock?
Drinking: Rock Rose Gin with lime, Isle of Harris Gin with cucumber & Holy Grass Vodka with lemon Scottish Distilling Taster with Fever Tree Mediterranean Tonic
Day 122
27 Sep 2016
So, one little stint of editing in a week. Oops. In my defence, I got pulled into leading the ābandā (ok, like a bunch of girls who want to sing and donāt have any musical backgroundā¦) at the hopeful little Lighthouse Church in town. So desperately trying to rally my sub-par and very rusty guitar skills, not to mention trekking out past Arisaig and back, took up most of my time last week. It was super fun to be doing music again, but also frustrating - people have all their little people issues to work around, which really gets in the way of making progress, not to mention the technical issues (mostly my bad!) So yeah, a not unwelcome distraction, but a significant one in any case. But it was ok - this week is really the first one that Iām back down to ālowā hours (not that 25 is that lowā¦) - so more progress is likelyā¦ except for how long it takes to do things and how little time that actually comes out to and how many distractionsā¦ so yeah, Iāll be lucky if I get more than one day in again this week, which is unacceptable, but all too likely, especially since I woke up this morning with a very suspicious burning in my throat. Maybe thatās not just allergies after allā¦ Oh dear. And for some reason, you donāt seem to get sick days in the service industry eitherā¦ The lack of reliable internet access is really starting to get to me too. So much research I could/should be doing! Critically, in this moment, tracking down a good editor just isnāt happening, and desperately needs to be, given the sad state of beta reading responses. Although, I signed on to read for another author last week out of curiosity, and I can see how it would be hard to get responses from people - itās certainly a chore, having to get down notes/thoughts to send over, particularly if there are problems with the story. The scary thing for me, when I read other peopleās pre-publication drafts, is how not publication-quality it isā¦ how bad, really, are my drafts?? Yikes. Blind spots, man. But all I can really to is push forwardā¦ so off I go.
Part 2
So clearly not the most productive day, but all in all, not terrible. The last-minute call-in for a shift also got last-minute cancelled, which was a huge distraction, but at least not a total wipe out of the day. Got down to the cafe in town, which was super cute and had great internet, despite the horde of tourists that arrive at lunch time and made it necessary to flee. Tried heather beer - actually quite good. Got a local library card - finally! - and did some research into editors. Not terribly productive research - finding good ones seems to be a challenge - but at least I got the ball rolling. Now to deal with the fact that I havenāt even cleared the first chapter of rewrites yetā¦ Ugh. Itās getting longer again, which Iām pretty sure is not whatās supposed to be happeningā¦
Tuesday
Start time: 9 am & 6:30 pm
Mallaig: The West Highland Hotel, staff quarters block 1 the room beside 4, bed
Soundtrack: washing machine on the other side of the wall
Drinking: Lemon Ginger tea
Day 121
20 Sep 2016
So. Itās been over two months. Two months of chaos, stress, travel and revelations. Namely, I was never meant to travel with other people. And my capacity for close relationships may also be called into question. I am a watcher and a control freak. Which ought not be surprising, but as it turns out, is. After my last bout of travels (nearly a decade ago), I thought it was a bit sad not to have anyone to share incredible experiences with. As it turns out, I canāt handle the distraction of having another person interrupting the experience. Fascinating. I rather pity Cole, with the incessant presence of Cadence nattering away at herā¦ although thinking again, maybe thatās why I canāt have other people around too much; it gets too busy with the extra voicesā¦ Hmmā¦
I need to track down an editor sooner than later, particularly as none of my beta readers actually gave me feedback in the end. (OK, my mom finished the bookā¦) And yes, I am going to ignore the poor indicator that such a tragedy would seem to be. Itās not because my writing is boring, confusing or revolting. Itās that none of the readers were a good fit. Almost certainly. Or maybe. Oh dear.
ā¦anyways, yes! Hire an editor! One with sufficient qualifications that I wonāt be able to dismiss their feedback out of hand, but not so accomplished that I canāt afford him/herā¦ because it is a pain trying to make money! Thereās always either too much or too little consulting work, and although the rates can be great, they can alsoā¦not. And the manual labour route that Iāve spent the past few weeks on is really not a long term solution, if my bruises have anything to say about it. Not to mention how hard it is to dive back into work after a shift. It does leave time for thinking, though, which could be a bonus. Sat down last week for a bit to start work on a new, male-led semi-autobiographical (or possibly completely) work that I, of course, think has major potential to be brilliant in an awkward, off-beat and self-deprecating way. Like Woody Allen, but less ick. Or something. [Insert clever cultural reference here] lol.
Anyways, yes. Rewrites. Which means I need to read the small bit of feedback I did receive, think about purpose and meaning and effective communication, and make some hard decisions.
Or I could reread what Iāve written and fall in love with it and throw it up on the internet for all to see. Thereās always that routeā¦
Iām afraid.
Tuesday
Start time: 6 pm
Mallaig: The West Highland Hotel, staff quarters block 1 the room beside 4, bed Soundtrack: washing machine on the other side of the wall
Drinking: Laphraoig Select
Cover Variant 9
26 Aug 2016
And thatās it folks, at least until I get enough responses from my readers to get rewrites and the second editions out! And in other news, Iām in Mallaig, just south of the Isle of Skye, which is beautiful. Absolutely stunning. Of course, since I got here, Iāve been busy cleaning my hella sketchy āvolunteerās accommodationā and whipping out freelance projects so I can afford to hire an editor! And maybe one day, less sketchy living space! But sunsetās coming, so Iām gonna step out for a minute and enjoy that before pressing on!
Cover Variant 8
19 Aug 2016
Penultimate beta readersā edition!! Only one more (extra big) chunk of chapters to go, and then all beta reader copies will be out to the team and I can (hopefully) start diving into reviewing, revising and rewriting! Still in Dundee, Scotland mulling over next steps, but maybe in a week Iāll have a more stable situation and a better basis for creativity!
Cover Variant 7
12 Aug 2016
So yeah, still behind but getting there! Maybe Iāll be able to get back on track with a reasonable post schedule this week? In other news, this super low-effort cover seems to be the most popular (or at least, the one to elicit most responses) of all the Instagrammed covers! Who knew blatent gore could go so far! Or maybe the cover models were just a bit too sparkly, lol.
Cover Variant 6
05 Aug 2016
Playing catch-up, as travel kinda blew my post rate out of the waterā¦ next cover coming soon!
Cover Variant 5
29 Jul 2016
Still racing to keep up with all the things - a bit more freelancing work came in this week than usual, and lots of trips in and out to sort paperwork and other detailsā¦ really must blog it when I can get the time! London has been unexpectedly great, so thereās that at least, to offset the reality that I have 2-3 weeks of cover art and files to make in the next two daysā¦ eek!
Cover Variant 4
26 Jul 2016
Travel and a new city are pretty involving - only just got the St. Johnās blog post up in less than a week, and this is a few day late too, butā¦ better than never! Will probably struggle to get the artwork and posts prepped for the next 3 or 4 weeks while Iām on the road too, but Iāll give it my best shot (startingā¦ not tomorrowā¦ lol).
Not much Beta Reader feedback yet, but since I wonāt have time to review it and start in on the next round of rewrites until mid/late August or even September, meh. Got a library card today. Surprisingly loving the Southfields/Wimbledon/Wandsworth area of London, which is both great and frustrating. Gonna be sad to leave!
Cover Variant 3
14 Jul 2016
Went a little crazy about the upcoming move. Got over it. Back to getting stuff done. Hereās the cover reveal for tomorrowās Beta Readerās Edition! Even made the following weekās edition up since Iāll be traveling for half the week!
Day 120
09 Jul 2016
OK, so I lied! One more day (at least) of rewrites. While I pushed through to the end of the final chapter yesterday, Iām really feeling like, especially in the latter chapters, it was a race to finish, and adjustments were too much polishing, not enough critiquing, so Iām going to take a look at continuity and character development notes and see if I canāt incorporate, or at least confirm, those elements. Iām having trouble maintaining the necessary elevation on the plot; I get too caught up in the detail - and also not caught up, I guess, based on all the continuity and clarity issues the beta readers are raising!
So yeah, maybe a couple hours more to really clean things up, and then Iāve got to start getting other stuff done!!
Saturday
Start time: 11 am
Location: bedroom
Day 119
08 Jul 2016
This is it! The final day of (first round) rewrites! Some more stats, just for fun: The rewrites took only about a tenth of of total time spent so far, but accounted for a little under a quarter of hours spent. As it turns out, itās easier to press through already-written material than it is to come up with the stuff. Would have taken less time if I hadnāt changed the tense for the last third and had to completely switch it back in rewrites, but at least I didnāt choose to switch the first 2/3 instead! Also, the first five chapters are most heavily rewritten, since I went over them several times. The rest is scanned for accuracy, clarity, consistency and story arc or plot; major reductions were achieved by nixing whole character development arcs and secondary plot lines, but relatively little was done to core people and arcs. Which means, at least in my own mind, the thing was actually written in a coherent, forward-moving fashion. Neat! Total reductions of over 10K words due to the scrapped threads/people, but another few thousand words written to flesh things out, finishing in the 95K word range, which is actually pretty on target. I could see things growing quite a bit in next round rewrites thoughā¦ So many things to clarify!
Second beta readerās edition goes out today, with (I flatter myself to think) a significantly better cover variant. Only have feedback from two readers so far, though (thanks, family!) on the first five chapters, and no real plan for moving forward. Iād like to dive into rewrites round two, but with my relocation looming, there are some other errands I really need to get to - trip planning, packing, paperwork-settling and portfolio/job applications come to mindā¦ so Day 120 may not come for a couple months. Weāll see. I do need to sink several hours into prepping cover variants and beta reader editions for the remaining chapters, queueing posts for Tumblr and blogging to my site before full traveling starts in August, but I think Iāll be able to fit in at least a bit of that in London.
On the social media front, small progress: the new cover variant got decent likes (like, more than 10, lol) and one tumblr kid/writer asked a question, so small victories! My existence is being recognized! SOOO much work to do still, but small steps. At least my Klout score keeps climbing (incrementally - now at 53!)
Friday
Start time: 3:15 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Martini Rosso, Rhubarb Cordial & mixed cold tea
Day 118
07 Jul 2016
The beta reader list is growing! Up to 8 with a lead on 2 more brings me up to 10, and since I was shooting for 7-12, that even leaves room for the inevitable dropout or two! (But donāt drop out. Luv you guysā¦ Please donāt drop out!) 75% female, although mostly a little over the target age (although, who do we think weāre kidding? YA/Teen fiction readership is mostly adult anywaysā¦) so in sum, yup, Iām fairly pleased that, at least in one area, things are moving right along on schedule. The social media stuff is depressingly slow to build (ugh; shoulda started sooner after all!), but Iāve got a whole 2 more followers on Tumblr since I started, and more to the point, I think Iām starting to get a feel for what might connect and work for the different channels and audiences. Or perhaps notā¦
Probably one more day of rewrites, and then I can start looking at edits based on beta reader feedback (although Iāve only 2 back, so weāll seeā¦) - Iām thinking it could make sense to start distributing that version (beta v2) as a āserialā story to any and all likely sites; my brother suggested Reddit, which Iāve only dabbled in before, probably Tumblr with some syndication to IG/FB/T etc., Wattpad and similar channels could make senseā¦ thatās assuming that things pull together well based on feedback. If itās too messy, I may do another round of rewrites and reviews first to tighten things up. On the one hand, to warp the quote, any buzz is good buzz; on the other, Iād hate to start getting (bad) reviews if the storyās not quite up to snuff (and assuming itāll ever get to the point of having good reviews! Yikes!)
Sent in those applications to jobs on Skye, in Inverness and near Thurso yesterday (finally) - no word yet, but that could be killer awesome! Then again, Iāve had āgreatā ideas before that havenāt panned out, so Iāll adjust. A freelance piece of mine did well (a little over CAD$100 for a ~400 word marketing letter, so not terrible rates) and the client wants some other services for a business launch (or relaunch? refresh? tbc) so Iām making some headway on the freelance front. I still really canāt decide whether it would be more awesome to go full freelance and be completely un-tied-down, or whether a part-time day job in a cool location where I could get to know a community and an area for a while would be better. I feel like I need the āreal jobā to anchor me, or rather, to force me to make a decision and settle down in one place as a base for further explorationā¦ but thereās definitely a fear that having even just 20 or so hours of work would be too draining and I wouldnāt get around to al the writing and freelancing that I want (and needā¦) to do. And with the pay for lower level PT jobs like that, it could be a dangerous moveā¦. but then again, how awesome would it be to work at a library on the Isle of Skye? Like, who else dreamed of that life for themselves at, oh, 14-15 or so? Dream come true, even if itās not all girl-power kicking through the corporate glass ceilingā¦
So yeah, itāll be interesting to see where these next few weeks-months take me. All that said, if I can make it writing books alone, Iāll definitely just do that and, like, volunteer a bit or something to get enough exposure to the real world to have good material and inspirationā¦
Thursday
Start time: 2:45 pm
Location: bed/bedroom
Drinking: Sontinh TĆ”o MĆØo cocktail with Elder Growth Bitters, Scrappyās Bitters: Lime & Martini Rosso
Day 117
06 Jul 2016
So I managed to cut a good 10K words out of the manuscript by scraping out all the storylines involving secondary characters, except for the bits with Haynfyv and one scene with Maria, and preliminary scenes where they first show up. At this point, I think Iāll be able to feed those in to the second book to build out the world and cast a bit more there, but it does streamline things for the first book, which seems like a step in the right direction. Still considering pulling Haynfyv and Maria out of the first book entirely, and letting Ravel and Serov carry the antagonist rolesā¦ or maybe just Ravel? Push Serov to second-book villain, and keep Maria in reserve for the big boss role? OR somethingā¦ maybe beta reader feedback will be helpful on that front, or second round edits. It feels so strange to fill something out, and then prune it back like this after sweating for every bit and piece of it, but! According to Stephen Kingās On Writing
On thinking further (and writing a review) on Fire and Hemlock, the brilliant Diana Wynne Jones book, Iām feeling a little better about not scripting elaborate storylines based on brilliant classical literature. Brilliant is brilliant; but the experience as a reader was a bit lacking, and contemporary taste seems to run more to simple, direct and immediate payoffs, whether in emotion or action. However, thereās still room for crippling inadequacy when considering her excessively insightful characterization. Her story people are unparalleled. British writers seem to have a bit of a corner on this part of the field; Pratchett comes to mind as well, for capturing recognizably human traits with wit and ingenuity. So. Jealous.
Wednesday
Start time: 2:45 pm
Location: bedroom
Day 116
05 Jul 2016
Contains affiliate links. So I wrote applications for the best jobs yesterday: librarian on the Isle of Skye, archives learning officer in Thurso (at the very northern tip of Scotland before you hit the islands) and museum officer in Inverness. Living the dream, kids! Fingers crossed :)
In other news, I switched a dating profile location to London (Because Iāll be there in two weeks anyways) and have been inundated. Now, at least 95% (possibly more) are useless contacts, a distraction, and potentially frightening, but still. At the very least, I should have some good recommendations for how to spend my time once I get there (as if I needed help filling time!!)
Again in other news, I now have all of seven beta readers, one of which is a real-life actual teenage girl!! How perfect!! So thatās great. Of course, immediate family are the only ones whoāve actually gotten back with feedback so far, which is both a little scary, and awesome (because I donāt want to look at it until the first draft rewrites are complete anyways). Just from the little bit thatās come out so far, itās clear that there are lots of little things that need cleaning up, chief among them that my attempts at subtlety are coming across as just plain confusing (lol?), so second round rewrites are likely to be pretty involved (sweats).
Finished Diana Wynne Jonesā Fire and Hemlock last night. Wow. The story itself was not one of her most engaging, but the essay where she describes what she was doing in crafting it? Pardon me while I go hide in a corner. Yikes. Huge respect for that ladyās learning, planning, and insight. Mind. Blown.
Itās rainy today, which I like, but Iāve spent so many hours working my way up to working that I havenāt had a chance to get out in it, and as there are some errands I really ought to get to, I guess I better dive in and push through another batch of rewrites. Should finish up to ch40 today, but I may get bogged down by the level of rewrites, as Iām now at the point where I foolishly decided everything should be written in first person limited perspective. Oops. So that takes a little more clean-up and is likely to result in embarrassing results. Lol? Also considering pulling the Maria & Raveltu bits as well as the secondary Morristu, Serov & Angelique, Sam etc. bits. But the second Morristu scene establishes Serov as a more significant villain? And the first Maria bit sets up Haynfyv on his pathā¦ so unless I dispense with him entirely? Need to have a chat with beta readers about thatā¦
Tuesday
Start time: 3:30 pm
Location: bed/bedroom
Drinking: Sontinh TĆ”o MĆØo with Elder Growth Bitters
Soundtrack: Citizens & Saintsā latest single Madness on repeat
Day 115
04 Jul 2016
Ugh, feedback! Starting to get a little bit of beta reader feedback on the first five chapters, and although Iād intended to batch it all and review after finishing the full first edit, itās not quite that simple. Receiving feedback is so not fun, but clearly necessary, which perhaps makes it a little easier. For example, in my attempts to reduce the weight of description/backstory/worldbuilding dragging the first chapter down, I inadvertently deleted a paragraph that identified Cole as a female. Hugely blush worthy; thatās a super awkward chunk of story to read about a guyā¦ like, whatās he getting all worked up about??! I like the idea of teasing out bits of the story as you go, but the feedback Iāve got so far seems to be indicating that itās just confusing, and any mystery or tension is being lost to painful rereading and trying to puzzle out whatās going on - not good! But Iāll try to leave that behind and push forward with the edits; a little over halfway there~~!
Travel planning is stalling a bit; Iāve pretty much got Krakow pinned down, which leaves 3/4 of the trip left to do, and Iām running out of steam and time! Also mildly panicking about financial stuff - will it be too frustrating? Can I get enough work pinned down? Can I focus and produce enough in a day to actually get by? I do have some buffer, but the point at which Iāll need answers is accelerating toward me, and itās hard not to cringe. The part-time thing with historic site/museum/library etc. is appealing, but may be too frustrating/too distracting and consuming/too little money/too overqualified to get hired?? - and bartending is an option that may or may not be more appealing, but is made less pleasant by the apparent fact that they refer to female bartenders in the UK as barmaids??!!! Blech~~ Although, maybe if I wore a costume and pretended it was historical reenactment or something?? Like those anime where they get stuck in a medieval-fantasy flavoured game world?? But Iād rather be a craftsman or warrior in any caseā¦ Guess weāll see. But itās becoming clearer that the point at which Iāll see any money from this novel is pretty far in the future (/neverā¦)
Monday
Start time: 12:00 pm
Location: couch/livingroom
Drinking: black tea with cinnamon sticks & vanilla bean
Soundtrack: cat snoring
Day 114
30 Jun 2016
I may be speeding through the rewrites a little too much, but I really need to get this out to Beta readersā¦ Iām thinking tomorrowā¦ July 1 is such a nice, tidy, memorable date. Been messing around with some concept cover art, and my latest plan is to release the beta copies in 5-chapter (or 10?) sets, each with a different cover mockup, as PDF and ebook editions. Starting tomorrow. To all, like, three beta readers I have pinned down so farā¦ Thatās assuming that I get anything done tomorrow; itās kind of a holiday and all, and thereās been a fraction more freelance work lately, as well as some job stuff that I should seriously consider, so thereās thatā¦ Forecasting-wise, Iām starting Chapter 26 of ~50 today, so at a rate of about 5 chapters a day, which Iāve been mostly managing, I should be able to finish that part by the end of next week at the latest, and start to get feedback from beta readers before I leave. Itās not where Iād hoped to be at this stage in the game, but itās at least a decent point to pause at.
Realizing more and more that I really need to track down a better network to build up a following; so far I can count on a couple family members, and maybe a couple friends to care, which is nice and all, but wonāt cut it. However, I also donāt have a lot of ācontentā or shareable, appealing/valuable material to attract attention with. 10 barely-edited chapters, some weak cover mockups, and a few totally unreviewed, embarrassing old stories. Oh, and trivia from my life, which makes for neither stunning photos, nor fascinating reading. At (near) 30, Iām already starting to feel like Iām aging out of being a social-media native; after seeing kidsā amazing Tumblr and Instagram book blogs, Iām pretty horrified at my own capacity. Of course, some would say that makes a stronger case for making the most amazing story ever, since itās the only way anyone will care about what youāre doing. Which is fair; but I canāt quite bring myself to take that leap and drop the marketing/self-promotion angleā¦
Anyways, got a ton to do today, and managed to waste most of the day already, so Iāll get right down to it before the caffeine pill kicks in! Thursday
Start time: 2:00 am
Location: bedroom
Drinking: Colonial drinking chocolateā¦ of course, with whiskey. Who would want to drink plain chocolate? Thatās just grossā¦
Soundtrack: Thriceās new album
Day 113
29 Jun 2016
Set up this journal as a reblog-series to Tumblr; so far I have one follower, lol. But one of my Instagram posts went micro-viral yesterday (30+ likes and a couple follows; big progress for me so far!), so thereās that. Unfortunately, the post was travel-related, rather than having anything to do with my āauthorā identity, and almost certainly did well based on the hashtags alone, but something, in this case, is definitely better than nothing. Iām told that less extreme use of filters and enhancements would be a smart move as well (lol.) Between one thing and another, Iāve actually scored a few website page views too; mostly from Facebook. So from the first few weeks of intentional social marketing, Iām finding that Instagram is a good way to create content, but not a particularly useful networking platform, Twitter basically doesnāt care, and Facebook has low-level but high-value interaction for an existing audience. Tumblr, so far, also doesnāt care, but Iām switching the content strategy to involve more blog content and not just commented photos, which will hopefully boost that avenue. I need a platform with higher discoverability; thinking about serializing the draft on Wattpad (need to look into whether that can be undone and what it means for rights) in order to drum up interest, or at least start to get feedback.
In other news, āBlind the eyesā is in the lead with 5 votes to 2 so far (lol), and since Iām also leaning in that direction, Iāll try to find time to clean up the cover mockup and release it to announce the winner this week. As Beta Reader Kevin Epp pointed out, Gold (Probably Gold & Silver) have some potential as a series name instead. From a marketing standpoint, although I love the simplicity and conciseness of one-word sequence titling for series and clean-edged graphic art for covers, I may be able to get more mileage and attract the right audience by working as much as I can into the title and cover art. Some positive feedback on the cover blurb was a pleasant surprise too; maybe I can do some sort of combined graphic post with the cover draft and the blurb to get link backs and generate more interest? Still not entirely sure the blurb represents the story (or the tagging, but I canāt bring myself to call it a dystopian supernatural romance, so Iāll keep sticking thriller on at the end for now, even thought it doesnāt totally fit). Itās weirdly hard to have perspective and good judgement; by the end of the first draft, I had serious concerns about the plot integrity of the whole thing. Now ~20 chapters in to rewrites, itās actually holding upā¦ not terribly, anyways. Success! But yeah, already bracing myself for the kick in the stomach that Beta readers will inevitably need to administer. If I get indignant over less than thrilled feedback from 100word freelancing throwaways, I canāt imagine how Iāll take feedback on something of this magnitudeā¦
Also trying to figure out the best way to launch Beta copies. Hardbound and mailed? Epub or PDF with instructions on how to open in digital readers and markup? Word format, with markup? The general consensus seems to be that itās hardly worth anyone elseās trouble to mess with your creative work, so security and privacy arenāt really the issueā¦ But maybe I should work on building out a more robust website or mailer section on how to beta read? And of course, I should really get around to setting up a mailing listā¦ and then creating content for itā¦ euugh. What would be super cool from a coding standpoint, is to build out a markup-ready text where users could comment out specific sections, publicly or privately, in the browser. I think someone on Mediumās already doing thisā¦ but thatās also kind of crummy for the beta readers to have to read in the browser, and really the experience for them should be as seamless as possibleā¦ so maybe I should just invest some time in getting the draft into epub format and launch with that for now.
Wednesday
Start time: 11:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: cardamom water
Day 112
28 Jun 2016
Set up a poll yesterday for the titles; so far āBlind the eyesā is in the lead with 75% of the voteā¦ on three votes, lol. So clearly Iāve got work to do extending my reachā¦ also threw together a cover mockup based on a concept Iāve been playing with. Wanted something simple and graphic, using a niqab-inspired silhouette. Iād been thinking of using Ravel as the cover model, b/c the gold eyes would pop + target female audience, but after thinking it through, that didnāt really make any kind of sense. Ravel would better be shown in full Freedom regalia; as madly exotic as possible. So I went with Cole, and it looks pretty coolā¦ but also (unsurprisingly, in hindsight), way more middle eastern than I intended, or really makes sense. So I guess I should introduce more sparkles & skinā¦ But actually, Iām pretty pleased with the mockup quality, given that I threw it together using watermarked composite photos and in less than an hour. Maybe I can get away with making my own cover? Although, thereās a guy I follow on Instagram that does pro-quality cover art for $5-6K that I should probably spring for instead, especially if I canāt get away with the simple, graphic-look design. Iāve got some basic Photoshope/AdobeCS skills, but nothing fancy, and no real artistic eye.
Frustrating myself with piddling freelance projects again today; some sort of test-section, but itās under 100 words and heavily industry-specific. Maybe itāll lead to a heap more work, but in the past this sort of thing has proven to be more of a time-waste than anything else. The rates are fine if I can sail through, but if too much research or endless rewrites are needed, it ends up being far less than minimum wage. Boo. Also, it distracts and takes away from working on this!
Realized I painted myself into a corner yesterday with that new section of backstory for Itri. Dropping his sword in the underground Skytrain tunnel was dramatic and all, but now it makes no sense every time I write him skewering monsters with itā¦ I happen to like swords and other bladed weapons, but they do come off as a little old school for this story anyways, so maybe heās better off with the knives? Sigh. More rewrites. Would love to start sharing the story around more openly and getting feedback, but every time I move forward, there are more details to be fixed at the beginning.
Tuesday
Start time: 1:30 pm
Location: bedroom
Day 111
27 Jun 2016
Blind the eyes. From the song: āGold and Silver blind the eyesā¦ā Because Iām obsessed with the old Appalachian song All my Tears. Which would also make a good title. Cool? Lame? Nonsensical? At least itās better than Gold, right? Right?
Iāll have to think about it. Something that doesnāt hit you over the head would be nice. But the simplicity of Gold-Silver-Bronze is also appealing. However, titles could go with a line from the song? So many good ones: Temporary riches lie. Drink from heavenās store. Thirst no more. Laid to rest. Washed awayā¦ narrative gold mines.
Just realized I have like three weeks left before the move. (insert freak-out exclamation here). Oh. My. Super need to get a move on. Also, realizing thereās got to be so much more to do than I budgeted time for. At this rate, Iāll be lucky to get first round rewrites out, and maybe a copy into the hands of beta readers.
Itās for real, now. Sent off the first supersize suitcase with my uncle this weekend (which was amazing! now I can bring my strat!) so now Iāll definitely have to follow if I want to ever see my shoes again (lol). Hoo. Deep breaths. Ok, just keep getting one thing done after the next!
Part 2
So writing in a little better adventure for Itri ate up ages and added another 3K words, but (hopefully) worth it. Definitely upped the creep factor and squickiness. Really gotta start getting this out to Beta readers.
Monday
Start time: 10:30 am & 3:45 pm
Location: bedroom
Drinking: turmeric tea & cardamom water
Soundtrack: Cobra Ramone
Day 110
23 Jun 2016
Contains affiliate links. So the good news is that Iāve brought up my Klout score from about 30 to 50 over the last 90 days. The bad news is, itās not like any of that reach is connected to the audience I really need. Lol marketing. Of course, Instagramming about alcohol is probably not the best move for an under 19 audienceā¦ but beer and Scotch posts get the most likes! Or hearts. Whatever. Hoping to push through to a good chunk more chapters today, since the last three days have been spent on only the first five. Which I just released as a public preview, so it makes sense to be cleaning them up, butā¦ time is racing by. At warp speed.
Rewrites are interesting. Thereās way more security in knowing where (more or less) the story and people are headed. Character is mostly set for everyone, so itās just a matter of refining and trimming them back (ish) to be more clear and consistent. Although, every time I go in for editing, things get longer instead of shorter.
Itās probably bad that I keep comparing myself on writing quality instead of storytelling. Just started Jessica Day Georgeās Princess of the Silver Woods
Had a great visit with Michelle M. (well, back on Tuesday, but anyways), who despite coming up on baby no. 2 seems excited to publish with me, so one of these days I really need to pull out the story I tossed at her and see what I can do about trimming an (award-winning, lol) theme-driven short story into a viable picture book. Hoping that upcoming time with my 2-year-old cousin Jack will kick-start the process; itās been too long since I paid much attention to how picture books work. But itās kind of cool to diversify. Also hoping to help Michelle get an adult colouring book out, because hello trends. I wish Iād gotten on the idea of building it as an app when it first occurred to me, since I could have ridden that wave, and now weāre playing catch-up. But at the same time, thereās now an established market to tap into, which is great. A little worried about the mechanics of converting paper, IRL artwork to digital files for print, but cross that bridge when we come to it. Maybe we can get away with conventional scanning? If not, I think itāll be a big initial investment, which is not where I want to go with things. I prefer to keep the gambling tipped in our favour (lol). But sometimes, nothing venturedā¦ Yeah. Weāll see.
Iām still concerned about its quality. World building vs. action being the key tension. Is there a compelling enough or authentic enough voice to carry readers through the info-dumps? Or is it too ātalking-headsā-y? Guess Iāll loop back for one more scan through the first five before trying to push onwards. So running out of time!!
Thursday
Start time: 9:30 am
Location: bedroom
Day 109
22 Jun 2016
Contains affiliate links. The amazing Rebel gave me this awesome contraption for travel yesterday: the Trtl Pillow
Despite having released the first chapter as a āpreviewā, Iām still concerned about its quality. World building vs. action being the key tension. Is there a compelling enough or authentic enough voice to carry readers through the info-dumps? Or is it too ātalking-headsā-y? Guess Iāll loop back for one more scan through the first five before trying to push onwards. So running out of time!!
Wednesday
Start time: 7 pm
Location: bedroom
Day 108
20 Jun 2016
Contains affiliate links. Stupid social media. Iām about at the point of being ready to launch the site (officially), but getting traction on social media is turning out to be pretty d#$% slow. Lots of friends and family likes, and little else - although I think Iām starting to make some progressā¦ Drinking photos seem to be the most popular, as well as bookshelf/book photos. Sharing earlier in the day has been better than later. Trying to hone in on the right hashtags (with little success). What I really need to do is up my blogging game and get on a few platforms with an audience. Iāve been assuming Tumblr is still the go-to for teen/YA fan audiences, but I should probably confirm that before investing too much more there.
Finished the Bartimaeus Trilogy
I seriously need to pick up the pace on rewrites. In a month today, Iāll be landing in London, and leaving for two weeks of travel about a week and a half after that. So I should be rewriting about 5 chapters a day (note: Iāve finished one. And I should really go back and have another go at itā¦) Oh dearā¦
Monday
Start time: 2 pm
Location: bedroom
Day 107
17 Jun 2016
So I could go with the excuse that there are just too many things to get done, and not enough time. Getting my website ready to launch (since, clearly, no oneās visiting it without a concerted push), developing content and social media material for promotion, scanning (and in some cases, applying for) jobs in the UK, (lazily) applying for the odd freelance project that I donāt really have the time or motivation for anyways, hacking away at travel plans, and spending time with the people that Iām about to leave behind. Plus, removing myself to a private space to work is shockingly challenging. Just starting, as always, is the first, and possibly greatest, barrier to getting anything done.
Or I could own up to the fact that Iām paralyzed with horror at the thought of rewrites. What if it sucks? What if it takes forever? (Julianna Baggot just owned up to doing over 30 rounds of wholesale rewrites on her excellent novels. No thanks.) What if I just canāt do it? What if I run out of time (hint: more a possibility with every hour I stall)? What if I run out of money and canāt afford to hire an editor? What if I hire an editor, but theyāre no good? What ifā¦
Stupid, right? (Please say yesā¦)
So, a miraculous gift. An entire day (and maybe night?) without interruption. Time to make the magic happen, and to hell with the results. If I have to fail, let it be spectacularly (and if Iām destined to fly, why not get along to it sooner than later??)
Friday
Start time: 2:30 pm
Location: chair/living room
Drinking: Kronenbourg 1664 (I know!)
Day 106
13 Jun 2016
Contains affiliate links So I managed a good four weeks of separation from the manuscript; thatāll have to be good enough. Time to get this show on the road!
What Iāve been up to:
</ul> So, the proving time; do I have a story here? Characters that people will care about? Good (read: appealing, readable) writing that is more than simply self-indulgent? Strong, measured plot and pacing? In essence; a book that will be read and bought, and which will enable me to write the (very necessary) sequel? Time to make it happen. Note: Days 101-106 were devoted to research and promotion; no journal entries were made. Monday Start time: 9:30 am Location: bedroom
Day 100
19 May 2016
Iām not writing. Itās a bit of an effort, but so many sources seem to say that itās important to take a break before starting the rewrites. Iām still jotting down ideas (more than I had been for ages; itās like Iām back at the start again, fascinated by the world), but instead of diving in on the rewrites, Iām reading blogs and articles on best-practices and working on my coding - finally passed the javascript component!! - so, at least Iām maintaining a minimal level of production.
Iām fairly worried about this next step. Itās embarrassing to admit, but when I glance back across my writing, I kind of fall in love with it. I canāt imagine changing or erasing itā¦ but I know there are changes that need to be made to make it more consistent, correct, coherent, things that have changed and need to be adjusted to match, dialogue and characterization that needs to be ironed out, or created in the first place. Plotting, structureā¦ I pretty much did it all instinctively, in bites and chunks, and there are probably huge holes and dragging bits to sort out. But for now, I think Iāll aim to hold off until next Wednesday as the official start of rewriting.
It would be smart to launch a website and social media presence in the meantime, but weāll seeā¦ Iām also increasingly tempted to go the self-publishing route, since I really canāt imagine letting anyone at my work with a sharp pencil, but I know thatāll probably make for a lesser productā¦ So hard to let go!
Thursday
Start time: 10 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Turmeric tea
Day 99
16 May 2016
So, after ten+ minutes trying to set up the commemorative selfie, I have sealed my fate. Itās happening. THE END. Today.
Itās really more of an epilogue. Or whatever. But itās the last scoped-out section of writing before I dive into rewrites, and as it happens, I magically acquired another day of solo, couch-sitting, PJ-wearing working space - and the landscapers have even stopped buzzing away outside.
So for reals, itās time to make this happen.
Monday
Date: 12pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Bowmore Islay Scotch
Day 98
13 May 2016
Iām mildly irritated at how Iām missing all the nice round numbers in the final push here. Just passed 50 chapters, with two to go. Sitting on Day 98 of writing with only one more day left in the first draft. Wouldnāt that have been nice; an evenly divisible 50 chapters in 100 days and (it wonāt quite be) 100,000 words? Simple math; an average of 2,000 words per chapter at a rate of 1,000 words per day. Estimating would (will be) a dream.
Thankfully, we have discovered the wonders of rounding, so Iāll just memorize my nice, round numbers, thanks muchly, and pretend theyāre real.
Zippy, shortish chapters last week moving things along clear as mud when it comes to Sam and Maria, who kinda sound like a couple, but totally arenāt. Still teasing big reveals, which as we hit the penultimate chapter is a naughty move, I know. It might be my fear of wrapping it all up, but thereās really not a heck of a lot of explanation or development by the end of this first book, which is going to raise the pressure for the next one (ugh.) But there was no way I was going to be able to wrap it up in a reasonable length/timeline with just one book. Self-indulgent and lazy, perhaps, but Iām planning to gamble that there are some who will appreciate this long-winded taleā¦
Itās looking more like a Teen Supernatural Thriller than YA Adventure or juvenile horrorā¦ minus all the excitement, blood and terror that it needs to really work, lol. But it sounds better than āemo girl is so stuck in her head she doesnāt realize sheās talking to herselfā - snappier. Thereās some chance that the rewrites will up the action and tighten up the pacing with more careful hints and paced revealsā¦ some chance, but not a lot, lol.
So here we are; the final day of uninterrupted, solitary work, before I have to get more aggressive about protecting my space. And here we are at the end of Coleās story (for now) - the grand emotional climax, the big reveal, the moment weāve all been waiting forā¦ ugh. Hang on, I need another drinkā¦
So, thereās this thing where I read a lot of Teen/YA fiction, which often has a action/horror/SF/fantasy/supernatural hook, but which is mostly a vehicle for romance. Which isnāt something Iād have admitted (to myself or anyone else) a decade ago, but which Iām getting more ok with - itās just another type of escapist fantasy, after all. But owning up to writing that sort of thing, and actually writing it out, terrifies, embarrasses, and pretty thoroughly paralyzes me. Like, Iād respect myself more if I could write technically and politically complex SF or emotionally-raw realism or something, but instead Iām playing in the drippy romance sandbox. And the crazy thing is, I actually have a somewhat intellectually-defensible reason for being there - all meaning, all stories hinge on human relationships; theyāre what makes any and all of it matter. And the romances, little crushes to grand, tragic epics, are what motivate, distract and define everyone in everything, even when theyāre going about the rest of life. Because, present dating crises aside, mostly people want to be with other people and mostly they get married and either stay married, or go looking for someone else. So all the girls watch the boys, and all the boys watch the girls, and even when nothing much comes of it, it still goes on.
And so Cole is distracted and lured by Ravel, and Itri goes searching for Cole, and in another universe, Edana forgets herself when she meets Torchan, and Torchan gives up his world for Edana, and a little girl named Nia is tempted by the false promise, the merest hint of affection, and then follows a boy into another world. Because we all give up our worlds for the promise of the new ones that another human soul inhabits. And even when we have to make our own, weāre always waiting for the chance to slip through the gateway and find ourselves in that magical foreign world.
Friday
Start time: 12:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Bowmore Islay Scotch
Day 97
12 May 2016
So that gotā¦ weird.
The trouble with this pace of writing is that characterization keeps shifting. Amy Morris is infantilized, which could be an honest emotional response to her situation, but doesnāt sync up with previous chapters, while Lily Morris Sr./Angelique is by turns controlling, abusive, and absent-minded; again, none of which are impossible, but all of which come up as surprises.
Lily keeps getting sharper and more mature in her thinking, too, making her age almost impossible to place; with Itri, she acts like a small child; maybe around age six. Now, sheās acting and thinking like a ten-year-old and trending up from thereā¦
On the one hand, I love the creative challenge of this sort of work; taking a scenario and fleshing it out, discovering all the things that go into a set of actions/interactions. On the other hand, I may be getting a little too freeform with it, as though every chapter is stand-alone. Or something along those lines. Rewrites rewrites rewrites.
However, the end (of phase 1: first draft) is creeping closer all the time. Only four more sections (based on the current summary) left to go; a week, barring any surprises. Less, if I can get another chunk done tomorrow too. Which I should, because my parents are finished at the office today and out of town tomorrow; next week marks the start of a new rhythm or lack-thereof. Hereās hoping itās a more productive one than Iāve found thus-far.
While sitting at home being minimally productive, alone for hours every day, is actually the closest thing to a native, well-suited lifestyle that could possibly exist for me, its days are almost certainly numbered. Iāve been stumbling across all this material about the new ādigital nomadā lifestyle. (Thanks, Product Hunt!) It seems to be (young) people moving all over the place for fairly brief periods of time to do remote work from interesting locations. Which sounds pretty ideal, except for the part where they all seem to cluster together in frat-house type enclaves. Which is probably a sensible way of dealing with the isolation and lack of supportive relationships that come with travel, but doesnāt seem to be as cost-effective as one would think.
Iām sort of struggling with incompatible desires right now. I read about brilliant, risk-taking, box-breaking original thinkers who do things in a way that makes sense, while breaking all the rules, and I feel dissatisfied with my paint-inside-the-lines lifeā¦ I mean, itās clear that the current system(s) are broken. Education, employment, capitalismā¦ it all just feeds a cycle of abuse in the real world, however well-designed the theory was. So why follow the system? Why study, work, buy, sell, acquire, stockpile, strive? If youāre not an abuser yourself, you inevitably work for oneā¦
Iām not an adventure seeker in the typical sense of the label. I couldnāt care less about backpacking SE Asia, skydiving or swimming with sharks, or whatever it is kids do for a rush these days (lol) - but Iām not satisfied with a ābasicā life, either. I dream of rugged coastlines and a simple life, while at the same time, acknowledging that Iām pretty optimized for condo-living, and that money means freedom, power and agency. I will not be controlled, but I donāt enjoy conflict or challenging authority. I will not be chained, but I value things that mostly, I donāt actually enjoy. Community, relationship, support. People in all their peopleness. I believe it is good, even while seeking an escape route. So I donāt really know what Iām doing next. I believe in making a difference, making things better; while at the same time acknowledging the utter futility of fighting the inertia, the cycle of decay, the weight of evil.
And yet, I believe in fighting anyways, in struggling and striving and trying, never giving up (even though I have given up), in being a warrior, a crusader for a cause that is clearly a losing one. And so I tangle my hands in the threads of human mess and try to unravel the knots, while at the same time looking over my shoulder with longing at an impossible dream of paradise.
And then I laugh at the self-aware but unrepentant adolescent mind that insists on overblown self-indulgent fantasy. Welcome to my world; donāt stay too long. It will ruin you.
Thursday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Bowmore Islay Scotch
Day 96
11 May 2016
Contains affiliate links
Was watching the great, star-studded and painful film Suffragette
Dramatic, exceptional, societal-norm-rejecting behaviour seems to be a fairly natural extension of excessive force. Or in other words, terrible experiences push people to react accordingly.
Must remember to consider and incorporate this in the rewrites, matching motivating factors to responses in personal development, particularly Coleās, and also to a lesser degree, Haynfyv, Morriswan and Morristu, Lily, Samā¦ Maria. Even Ravel(s).
Everyone has some backstory and motivation except for Serov, who seems to be pretty purely evil, or at least, the source of his twistedness isnāt explored in detailā¦ thereās a good chance itāll get chalked up to possession based on the current outline, but that may be simplistic. Why was he vulnerable to possession? Is there innate evil (in the world of the Tower, anyways?), or is there always more to the story? Is he a product of his environment? One possible consequence of children ripped from their families and fit into moulds? Does the abuse in his story predate the Tower entirely? Was he simply an āempty vesselā? Does everyone really need a fully developed backstory anyways? Doesnāt that get tediousā¦? Gah.
Reading too many reviews messes with my headā¦ But yeah, I think Coleās catalyst for change needs to be explored more, or made more explicit. Itās more authentic for her to make slow, backsliding progress as she learns to question and be more decisive and responsible, but the turning points and decisions are muddy and unclear. This is partly the fault of my slow progress; her greatest growth, her experience of coming into power, doesnāt even get rolling until the next book (at this rate, anywaysā¦)
At the very least, I think I need to get the ball rolling with some foreshadowing or early, uncontrolled displays of power midway or sooner through the first book. Again, rewrites. (Sighā¦)
The pacing may be somewhat (veryā¦) off, with masses of development and slow progress, and not enough excitement, magic, revelation etc. Twists n turns and all that good stuff. Or maybe I just get impatient because what would take hours to read takes me months to writeā¦ itās very hard to get an accurate sense of the pacing when you progress a chapter at a timeā¦ Although, I figure that, in straight time spent, I write at roughly a fifth of my reading speed, which is pretty darn fast.
So thereās thatā¦
Wednesday
Start Time: 12:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Bowmore Islay Scotch
Day 95
10 May 2016
Thinking about likability. It seems like itās related to identifiability, or radical traits. If someone really stands for something, stands out or is unique in a definite, defining way, you have the opportunity to be inspired, moved, impacted by that uniqueness, to respond warmly or negatively.
Seems to explain why story characters are so often extreme. If theyāre too bland, too close an approximation of everyday-normal, thereās nothing to grab ahold of and love or hate. Whereas, if theyāre extreme in some way, or have some very clear trait, interest or belief, at least some people will identify with that and be drawn in, and a majority will form a love or hate connection.
In short, likeable people are distinctive people. The rest are just a faceless NPC crowd.
So the question isnāt āis Cole (Itri, Haynfyv etc.) likeable or not?ā, itās āis Cole (etc.) distinctive, interesting or relatable?ā ā¦and Iām not sure about the answer. Sheās a bit of a cypher as it stands; alienated, solitary, strait-laced. Cadence should be more interesting, at least once the rewrites roll around and her role expands, but that poses different problems.
What happens when your protagonist is the least exciting person in her environment? Itās not really a classic āaudience-insertā set-up; who would want to be Cole (at least, at the beginning?) There probably needs to be more hints or development of her power, more attention paid to her uniqueness (even if itās in contrast to her behaviour, intent or thoughts) early on.
I wanted to get away from the āchosen oneā trope, where the protagonist is magically specialā¦ but in the end, thatās pretty much where all this is headed, so maybe itās better to embrace it at the start? Itās so American to set up the protagonist as the loner hero who sees through all the lies and fights for a different future, though.
Tuesday
Start Time: 11 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 94
09 May 2016
So. Itās been a much longer break than Iād intended, what with one thing and another. Or chalk it up to lazinessā¦
Iāve been pulling in some good rates on corporate marketing writing/rewriting, but low volume. Up to a few hundred Pounds and a handful of Euros, which I only realized after proposing, will basically be impossible to spend, as Iām not likely to be opening accounts outside of the UK, but anywaysā¦ Use it on eBay or something eventually. Turns out PayPal charges a fair bit to accept funds in other currencies and from other countries, but lessons learned, I guess. Trying not to get too caught up in all that, while at the same time increasingly aware that I need to make some money and not just be spending it hand over fist.
And on the āspending moneyā topic, I just received my UK work visa! Two years starting in July! So itās like, for reals now.
Iāve also started making Luxardo cocktails (maraschino flavour + lime juice + ginger ale) to use up the bottle I bought last yearā¦ working on trimming down the stock! Weirdest thing youāve ever tasted; bitter and floral and sour all at once, but fairly refreshing and intriguingly complex.
One of these days, Iām going to get back into the swing of writing in bars and breweries to bring the travelogue component back in to these notes, but for now, itās cheaper and more accessible to write from home, not to mention easier to concentrate!
An 11 year old - letās call her Lily, no relation to Coleās (soon to be) friend - Iāve been feeding books to just produced an astonishingly good short story, which has been the coolest experience (for me). Fascinating how exposure to reading, and āgoodā reading, converts to increased writing and communication skills, and in such a short time, too! Made me more determined than ever to retain a minimum level of literacy in my writing; dumbing things down may have itās place, but itās not where I want to focus my energy. Three cheers for glorious complexity; beautiful, intricate, elaborate and excessive art is the way to go!
I think last weekend was my last opportunity to perform for a while, which is kind of a shame, but I do need to focus. Iām pretty done participating in selfish, self-satisfying church expressions, so it was hard to push through, but after the first set I was able to just have fun and go crazy. Itās great what not caring does for creativity, lol. Someone came up and wanted me to teach his teenagers afterwards, which was gratifying, if unlikely. I quit studying at their age and have never taught music at all, although that was my dream at one point. Something to think about for the future; maybe I could teach workshops on improv or somethingā¦? Tutoring tends not to be a great gig, though, and itās not like I need any more distractionsā¦
My uncle (in London) will be visiting in June for my other uncleās wedding, and offered to take a piece of luggage back for me, which is awesome, as I would have felt super weird about asking, but could totally use the help. Still not sure if itāll be enough, or if I should get yet another piece of luggage for when I go to take more stuff over, but it does reopen the possibility of taking my guitar and violin along. Still donāt get why, when I have no clothes or shoes (comparably), I canāt fit everything into a suitcase, but I got a travel scale and vacuum pack bags to ride those margins.
Stuck again in this weird balance of wanting to write (and finish this project!), but not actually getting to it, and totally wasting time on things that donāt really matter or that I donāt care that much about. I did watch some shows over the last few weeks, even great ones, but Iām not as drawn to, or capable of, continuously marathoning TV or anything. And reading articles is nice, but often simply a distraction. Trying to back off of the library and make more progress on my to-read shelf so I can clear that out before I go, too. So, so much left to doā¦
So get to it, right??
Monday
Start Time: 1 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Luxardo cocktail
Day 93
21 Apr 2016
Itās been a shockingly good week, despite spending hours on articles(reading), hiding from the nasty heatwave, and various other distractions. Over 2 hours of writing and over 2K words, even nearly 3K words produced a day.
At a rough estimate, given the current rate and the sketched out chapters left, I could be done the first draft within two weeks - one, if I werenāt going to be home alone next week.
Starting to seriously reconsider the charm of writing to an outline. I canāt imagine it working very well if I mapped things out at a book level, but sketching the next 5-10 beats out and then having something to sit down and write to seems to make a huge difference. Plus, things are starting to tie back together now that the groundwork as been laid (even though I keep changing basic premises, invalidating previous pieces), and thereās more action and development to get into.
I quite like writing fight scenes, although I get the sense that the detailed trivia I piece together bit by bit (problem solving a straitjacket escape, for instance) is significantly less thrilling to read than Iād hoped. However, given the success of The Martian (which I loved, despite not having much interest in space/astronaut stories), I feel like maybe I could tap into a niche marketā¦?
Iāve just got to take a beat here and note that home-mixed steeped gin is absolutely spectacular as an alternative to the raw smokiness of Scotch or Mezcal. OK, sidebar done.
Did another trial pack yesterday, and somehow, even though I keep hauling bags of clothes away and trimming down my closet drastically (itās a good thing I write in pyjamas - thereās nothing left to wear!) I canāt seem to trim down the amount Iāll need to haul.
To complicate matters, I have a minimum of two instruments (violin & guitar) to transport, several full swing dresses with at least one, and possibly more crinolines, and extra small packs to fit inside the larger cases. Laaaaame. Shoulda skipped the repro-vintage shopping sprees.
Also, I feel like my shoe collection is extremely modest, particularly when I trim out the aging pieces. Five pairs + flip-flops is nothing (and matches absolutely nothingā¦) - but still takes up a horrific amount of space.
And then thereās all the extra stuff that I want to drag along and really shouldnāt. And cosmetics, jewelry, hatsā¦ so many hatsā¦ Again, Iāve halved or better everything I owned, and itās still way to much to take.
My dad seems to think Iāll throw in the towel and run home too quickly to make carting it all over there worth the effort, but since heāll be moving in the near future, I donāt really want to saddle them with any more of my crap to haul aroundā¦ Not to mention, I donāt want to come running home immediately!
Did some more looking into the Tier 5 visa yesterday, and it looks like you canāt apply more than three months before your arrival date, so combining that with my plan to push my start date to September in order to travel without wasting productive time, its still too soon to applyā¦ making it worthwhile to keep waiting to see where flights settle.
Nothing stellar so far, but more possibles coming along all the time.
Thursday
Start Time: 1:15 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: home-made gin on the rocks; the spice mix
Day 92
20 Apr 2016
The freakishly warm weather has all the curtains closed against the sun; wonder if itāll help me focus any better? Despite my complaining, this has been a really productive week. 2+ hours each day, already past 85K words. Even got a little freelancing in on the side.
Could be staying at home all day is helping, though. Thought Iād run more than two days this week. Checked the weather report and got over that impression fast.
Some marginally better dates coming out for the flights - later than Iād like, though. The best one gives only about two days on the ground in London, which isnāt enough. Ideally, Iād like about five to seven. Long enough to get settled, over any jet lag, and paperwork accomplished. Also long enough to get a sense of how comfortable the arrangement is, and short enough to avoid too much discomfort if itās not really working out.
It occurs to me that I could perhaps calibrate the visa to take effect at the end of August or in September. Must look in to thatā¦
Writing Cole is, as usual, both easier and harder than everyone else. I worry that sheās too emo, too overwrought and hacky, too vague and impressionistic. Also, she often gets me into pretty awkward writing situations, where I have to figure out how to write attraction, manipulation, and just generally uncomfortable or steamy sections. She doesnāt really take initiative much, and sheās pretty wishy-washy and indecisive, changing her mind and losing track. Sheās not so much growing and developing over the course of this book, as being disrupted and going on an adventure, which is less than ideal. But at every turn, events force her hand, and she almost lacks the internal structure to grow. Hopefully that can all be adjusted in rewritesā¦
Also, thereās an inadequate amount of horror - or maybe the better way to say it is, the darkness of the Tower and of Freedom and really, of the whole society, isnāt being communicated clearly. I really hate to sacrifice named people, though (or so it seems.)
Also, I probably have far, far too much complexity in terms of disparate writing and storytelling elements that detract from, instead of support, the story. Itās starting to be more like a game: pick your character! Explore my dystopia! Levels and mysteries abound!
ā¦maybe I can make it into some sort of VR adventureā¦ Oculus Rift fodder or somethingā¦ Speaking of which, how does one become a game writer? I feel like having really very little interest in games probably disqualifies me from working for that industry as a whole, but itās probably a fun jobā¦
Plus, free beer.
Wednesday
Start Time: 1:45 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Mezcal - Los Sietos
Day 91
19 Apr 2016
I wonder if I can wrap up the first draft before I hit 100 days? Itās hard not to do the math. 100 days or āsessionsā, really, of writing. In months, thatās only just over three months if I had written every day (instead of over eight monthsā¦) Or about five, with weekends.
And since it translates into about an hour a day, say 1.5 hours to be kind, thatās only 150 hours/40 hour week (with weekends, even!), thatās a solid monthās work. Makes more sense how some guys can be so prolific - if they can actually focus and move forward on a reasonable schedule, theyād be churning out a half-dozen full-size novels a year. Crazy.
Although, I doubt many people have the capacity to write for eight hours a day, five days a week. Or at least, thatās what Iāll tell myselfā¦
The weather turned bizarrely hot all of the sudden - from around 15Ā°C to 30Ā°C overnight. Disgusting. Even hiding inside, it gets sweltering by mid afternoon. And having all the windows open is crazy noisy, between the landscapers and the construction down the street.
Starting to seriously reconsider the whole freelancing thing; too annoying and anxiety-inducing, dealing with clueless clients. Or maybe thatās just the kind of (low-level casual) stuff Iāve been working onā¦
I really need (want) to move forward with some speed - the endpoint, at least for now, is getting pretty close (a half-dozen chapters, maybe? Just over a weekās work, if all goes well), and I had wanted to finish up this week, take next week off and clear my head, and then dive into rewrites in May.
But of course, every day is still a mental argument, with a lot of whining involved. Too noisy. Too distracting. Too hot. Too tired. Too lazy. Just wanna waste timeā¦ Ugh, discipline.
So instead of diving in and getting things done, Iām sitting here having an argument with myself about whether I should turn on a background soundtrack or trust that Iāll be able to focus once I get going.
OK, Iām finished. Bathroom break, soundtracks, and letās get to the actual writing by 9:30. If I can push for closer to two hours/session, I may actually get through this thing!
Tuesday
Start Time: 9:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Yorkshire tea
Day 90
18 Apr 2016
Contains affiliate links.And the distractions continue. I canāt seem to help myself - bidding on freelance projects, bidding on remote-work language teaching projects, coding (failing at JS more like), and it continues.
But at least Iāve made some progress on the primacy factor. Writing comes before the projects, even if it means I may lose opportunities by ignoring them for hours/days at a timeā¦ And then, of course, my dad just resigned from his role, which means Iām editing resumes and hashing out negotiation points. Itāll prove a great move for them in the long run, since Abbotsford is a black cesspool of self-absorption and sub-par mental faculties, but makes for a lot of drama in the short term. And of course, eats into my productive hours, once I have two people banging about the house all day long, all week long. I donāt know how writers with kids manage! Respect, JK Rowling
Just finished James Pattersonās final Maximum Ride book(Maximum Ride Forever
Already, I think Iāve passed the point of maximum cultural relevancy (if I ever was relevantā¦) Case-in-point, just over a year ago I really wanted to correct jr. marketing team boy every time he used the phrase āshit-tonā. Like, really? Turns out, itās now being used all over the web in journalistic attempts at casual cool, which meansā¦ yup. Call me a dinosaur and install me in a museum. I am officially out of date.
Which is perhaps why I have to write fantasy/sf/supernatural/post-apocalytpicā¦ when you make up your worlds, you can define the trends, craft the slang, and sidestep the unending, regionally-siloed trends in language and youth culture. Maybe. Thank you Scott Westerfeld
Anyways, back to James Patterson and the final Maximum Ride novel. Guess what? Present first-person narrative by the protagonist plus third-person past sections from the perspective of other characters. So I didnāt invent it, but I sure as ** can use it.
Now I just have to go back and fix all the sections that I āfixedā and wrote in the wrong mode. Talk about patchworkā¦ The writing is taking twice as long as I projected. The rewrites are looking to take that and at least double it againā¦ ugh. Will never finish.
Some dung-face just wrote one of those helpful listicles about how to enter āflowā zones for writing/coding/artistic vomiting. Eurgh. That only exists for introverted thirteen-year-olds who are bolstered in their determined focus by the hovering of irritating relatives.
But anywaysā¦ Guess Iāll just keep plodding along.
Tuesday
Start Time: 12:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Los Sietos Mezcal
Day 89
13 Apr 2016
Considering looking for a Junior Software Developer position in Scotland. Itās a step back, in seniority and pay, but not a huge one, and it would be interesting to experience the business world as the talent, as opposed to the support staff. Although, maybe itās just as bad everywhereā¦
Still, if the hours arenāt too insane, that would give me reliable income, hopefully benefits (dental!), the ability to rent somewhere to live and have cash for travel (I assume junior staff get decent vacation time there, as it sounds like theyāre a step ahead of Canada on that front), and the option to have my visa extended and stay in the country after my two years are up. Could even be funā¦
But also distracting, as I havenāt really gotten that far with coding projects yet, and have a lot to learn. The priority is writing for now - and in a way, I should really just focus on writing, full stop. But business writing, blogging, marketing etc. are all kind of miserableā¦ Well, itās common to writing in general, but so many opinions and armchair critics! It gets exhausting trying to fit into someone elseās mould.
And speaking of armchair critics - I just heard a pretty scathing review of the Divergent series
I enjoyed the first movie, but havenāt read the books, so now Iām curious and a little worried. Iām pretty aware that thereās a lot of āinsideā stuff with pretty much everyone in Gold, and Cole gets especially emoā¦
Then again, Iām under the impression that Veronica Roth has done pretty well for herself, so a bad review (by a late 20-something boy) maybe isnāt all that telling. Not sure how Iāll deal with reviews; the best route may be to simply ignore them entirelyā¦ but Iām way too curious for that, and the tension of not knowing and trying not to care would probably make me sick. But crappy reviews will make me paranoid and anxious, so thereās really no winning. Feedback is necessary to improve, but a necessary evil. Bleagh.
Man, I really need to pick up the pace on the writingā¦ Running out of time. Always running out of timeā¦ (and energy, and focus, andā¦)
Thursday
Start time: 9:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: iced tea
Day 88
12 Apr 2016
Passed Level 3 guide on Google maps and halfway to Level 4; itās taking longer than Iād expected, and there seems to be some requirement to maintain involvement, which isā¦ well, could be worse. Maybe I can build an API to pull my activity in and display on a website as a part of the travel section?
Really ought to get the Google app, but I hate filling my iPad with clutter. They have a new offering called āCreateā that requires weekly input, and again might be an excellent way to stimulate involvement, or could really suck to chase and fail atā¦ I need to look in to the API options there tooā¦
Which is starting to beg the question, why not just use Blogger as a base? Especially because Iāve been stuck on a JS lesson for three days now - and itās not even a challenge assignment, just a basic learning module. Gah! Somehow Iām managing to just miss what theyāre asking forā¦ repeatedly.
Frustrated that I have to go in to Vancouver and get there early to see the dentist - and pay for it! Iāve had jobs with healthcare and/or coverage under my parents or school for my entire life, so it seems justā¦ wrong. But it makes more sense to pay for dental care here than to wait until the UK and deal with an unfamiliar system and 2x in currency exchange.
Priorities are get Google Guide Level 4 status, transfer all files from the Pro to Google Drive (with that free TB of data), refit my old MacBookPro, sell all the things on eBay and Craigslist, do another trial pack and maybe get more luggage as needed, finish trip planning, apply for visa, push through at least to the end of the JS and object modules of freeCodeCamp, and start recutting/editing writing to stockpile material for timed release, update marketing plan and build and launch website and social media.
Learning guitar seems to have dropped off the list - still there, but in the background for now. My life is a series of switching efforts from music to writing and back againā¦
Funny, some sections of writing seem to flow so much more easily - Itri has become one of the more natural ones to write - I can tell what heās doing, where, how, why, without putting much thought into it. The villains are the hardest - I know theyāre up to something, but Iām not used to scheming and catching their thought process and how it fits with their actions is tough.
Hayne5 is kinda like that too, a tough head to get inside of. Then thereās the ones that I didnāt expect to grow and so wasnāt paying attention to, like the Morris sistersā¦ So many moving parts to keep in mind!
Tuesday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: iced tea
Day 87
11 Apr 2016
Contains affliate links. So JavaScript is seriously messing with my brain. Every step, I get stuck on the logic and syntax. Even when I hack my way through to the next module, Iām not sure if I actually understood how I got the solutions (hint: mostly by swapping terms until one sticks)ā¦ At this rate Iām going to have serious issues when it comes to the assignments.
But itās also more rewarding to knock off the modules when Iāve been stuck for ages on the logic or syntax. freeCodeCamp has really put together an excellent program. Concepts are broken down pretty small, but not everything is explained, and testing comprehension happens continually and organically, teaching problem solving skills along with the language theory, syntax and usage.
Thereās not a ācheat/answer sheetā either. You can go ask questions in a subject-matter forum (if youāre willing to look like an idiot) or Google for answers, but even then, you have to do some work to make the solutions fit your problem. Iām excited by the possibilities, and not a little bit horrified at how much harder this got once I pushed past the html/css/bootstrap front end design stuffā¦ perhaps not as genius as Iād hoped to be :(
Also struggling with packing questions, as in: how much luggage to take (how much can I physically move through time and space? what does that cost?), how many things to leave behind, what matters, what doesnāt, how long will I be gone, what shoes will I wear with that!?!
Shoes are the hardest part of travel. Well, laundry and avoiding chafing and shoes, anyways. And not looking like a hobo or an easy mark while puffing under a mountain of luggage (full of shoes).
Sounds insane, but I want to make room inside my bag(s) for other bag(s) because of course you need different bags, just like you need different shoes and jackets/sweaters/coats andā¦ So I get caught in a cycle of āwouldnāt this be good to haveā but āI canāt take everythingā and āI should just start overā¦ā and make myself dizzy.
Actually tracked down a hockey bag in ValueVillage that wasnāt disgusting and all the zippers workedā¦ but it turned out to be too big for standard luggage, which gets super expensive. So now Iām adjusting the plan - maybe one of those foldy-zipper clothes luggage things? I could just flop it on top of the big suitcase and drag them both along? And no wheels or hard structure could save weight?
But also, thatās a huge and unnecessary distraction since I havenāt even rebooked my flights and I still need to finish this storyā¦?
(pauses to go get Mescal and refocus) I havenāt really heard that alcohol helps people focus, but it helps me slow down and hone in, somehow. Maybe it blasts the airways enough to clear my head? Like an allergy-fighting tonic?
Iāve been hooked on Medium for the last couple weeks, since freeCodeCamp got me on it. Switched from doing surveys (because the money is pathetic and the distraction is unending) to that in the mornings, which seems like it may be good for my creativity, and undoubtably good for my Twitter following.
Articles on feminism, writing, coding and business combine to give me a boost in the relevant and timely creative ideas department. A series on digital interfaces, implants and virtual reality helped bring a lot of clarity to Inspector Hayne5ās role and interactions in the Tower.
The Underground kind of just sprang into being a couple weeks ago after I realized how the SkyTrain tunnels and Royal Centre are so close to Bentall Centre (the model for the Tower and Freedom). And then Lily Morris (Angelique/Morris1) sort of materialized along with her home and Morris2ās unexpected survival. Which means that no named and developed people have actually died yet, which is kind of a problem if I go for the whole dystopian dark supernatural fantasy angle.
Itās funny how I went from having no idea who Kelley Armstrong was to really taking her work as a sort of roadmap, a litmus test for ācan I do this?ā. Itās been like the āwhat would Kelley Armstrong do?ā show around here lately. Like: āoh, look, Kelley has first person AND third person present narrative!ā and āKelley doesnāt wrap up loose plot threads until the next book either!ā
So I guess that goes to show that collaboration novels are something to remain open to in the future (came across her through her excellent collaboration series (The Magisterium
Although, the true moral of that story is probably to be open to making new friends, lol. Any authors out there looking to drive yourself crazy by trying to cowrite a series with me? I wonder if team writing feels more or less hopeless and insane than solo creative workā¦
And now that Iāve blown through exactly one half of my allotted writing timeā¦ onward to landmark Chapter 40!
Monday
Start time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Los Sietos Mezcal
Day 86
07 Apr 2016
It helps, every time I hear about other writers feeling like itās hopeless, impossible, unending, when theyāre in the middle of working on a book. So maybe sharing this journal, this journey, will helpā¦ if thereās anyone crazy enough to wade through all the muck.
Finished (more or less) my first full/scratch coded portfolio site yesterday and on to JavaScript today, so edging closer to launching that side of things.
Parallax works, which is pretty rad (do people still say that?), but scrollspy and forms donāt, so not an unparalleled success (haha)ā¦
Still, looks decently ok, and does most of the things it shouldā¦ so itās really past time to get something built for my platform and get that off the groundā¦ maybe if I keep saying that, itāll eventually happen!
Also dabbling with another content farm freelance site since the current one hasnāt had much work availableā¦ disgusting to start at the bottom making $1/100word rates again, but itās not like Iām investing a lot of time in making money at this point anyways, and it makes sense to start building the stats to the point where I could be making more when I really need to be. Ideally, the coding thing will get me better rates, or data/business analysisā¦?
Frustrated that Iāve now spent an entire week on a chapter that I intended to burn through in a day, which means the rest of the writing is going to be way longer than I projectedā¦ that, or Iāve just wasted a week writing content that should be condensed and summarized into a quarter of the length and detail.
But it feels like a big shift to go from macro plot planning to micro detail and incorporate the in-between considerations of tone, interest, plot velocity/pacingā¦ Itās pretty hard figuring out what will be interesting and a worthwhile inclusion, and whatās irrelevant and boringā¦
So Iāll keep plugging along with my nose to the ground and then try to get some elevation on the whole thing laterā¦
Thursday
Start time: 9:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 85
06 Apr 2016
OK, the plan is to get as much done as possible before the allergies/atmospheric pressure changes/flu explodes my head and I have to lose hours out of the day again. Seriously, I barely got anything done yesterday; pathetic.
Oh, except for a little freelance research/copywriting project that paid less than a dollar an hour. Brilliant. At this point, Iām not sure I can think my way out of a box. But needs must. Whatever that means. At least the Scotch helps (temporarily). Itās always good to have a plan. Except when itās not.
Reading about the rural towns on the west coast of Ireland and wanting to move there to rescue them. Wonder if the cost of living is any cheaper? Although, I really must get over the hero complex where I instinctively want to fix any and every broken situationā¦ Still, something to keep in mind for two years from now when the UK kicks me out after my visa expiresā¦
Assuming I have a better impression of the country after my upcoming trip with Rebel. And assuming the whole freelancing or writing thing works outā¦ And assuming I can handle the rural thing and donāt need to live in the land of shiny new condos with no yard work and public transportationā¦
So possibly not.
Tuesday
Start time: 9:45 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Bowmore Scotch
Day 84
05 Apr 2016
Iām starting to think that I should launch a ātemporaryā platform hosted somewhere like Medium, and work on coding an āownedā platform longer term. All things considered, Iāll probably have better reach and interaction using existing platforms to access an audience rather than trying to claw an audience over to a stand-alone site, but I feel like the sole-owned site has more value to publishers and as a place to integrate all the threads (social media, blogging, writing, journaling, coding etc.)
Wondering if thereās a way to/if it makes sense to get into reviewing and integrating or hosting the work of other writers somehow, without turning it completely into a hosted fansite. In a way, it makes less and less sense starting something new, since everything you could possibly target seems to already have a dedicated site, app or feed already, but climbing the ranks of users on someone elseās platform isnāt totally going to meet my needs.
Providing value is an issue too; whatās valuable to others? Does sharing my journey, compiling resources, providing samples count? I understand that you canāt project one-to-one results, but if thereās no overlap between potential fans/supporters/beta-readers/colleagues and the users of whatever value I can provide, isnāt that just taking away from time and energy I should be focusing in on making better stories?
Probably the way to go is split-testing - just try different avenues, channels, content, with an eye to outcomes over a pre-determined period of time. Or something like that.
Really time to get to work, though! The days and weeks are just pouring through my hands, and time is a finite resource. Already, Iām behind the schedule I set for myself (this week) - not yet at 75K words, not keeping up with my chapter/day target pace, and realizing all the time that things are being missed and need to be filled in, expanded on, corrected, adjustedā¦
And in the mean time, my brain and fingers keep getting slower and more clumsy as the allergens increase the pressure behind my eyes and I canāt breathe.
But the word count keeps going up. And the events keep counting down to the end of the first book, at the least. And if I keep writing, keep sitting down with the laptop, keep pushing forward, inevitably the end must come - and preferably before the days run outā¦ right?
Wednesday
Start time: 10:45 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 83
04 Apr 2016
Contains affiliate links. Iām going to take a leap here, and start planning seriously for a sequel and probably a trilogy plot structure, based mostly on reading two teen Kelley Armstrong series in the space of a couple weeks where she cuts the story very much in action, leaving huge unresolved plot threads dangling. So I think this book will end when Cole makes it out of the Tower, and possibly reunites with Itri.
Unfortunately, that does mean that a number of the best parts of the story arenāt going to make it into this book, which could backfireā¦ Currently, there arenāt any āhigh-stakesā deaths or significant emotional high points, itās like a whole book of stage-setting, which shouldnāt workā¦ but if I can get the action quotient high enough, or get readers to cheer for Cole, that should be enough to carry them through to another story.
Itās funny; in the first blush of this story, the āmonster attacksā and rescue was a barely-there prequel, a necessary set-up to Cole and Itriās developing relationshipā¦ which has slid so far away that Iām not sure weāll ever really get there.
Also, I feel like there should be more comedy, to raise the stakes. Like Cole is clumsy or Cadence has a silly or teasing tone or whatever. I also have this feeling that Cole is angry, like simmering-just-below-the-surface rage angry. Maybe thatās not until later or something.
Making slow progress with the coding stuff right now, and reading articles saying to ditch the blog efforts and go with mobile app-based micro-communities based around your audience and subject, which is a significant departure from where my plans were at. So lots of resetting all āround.
Iād like to wrap up first drafts over the next two weeks, take the next week off while my parents are out of town as a mental break (up to two weeks maybe?), and then dive into rewrites, strategy, and sharing content. Beta readers come after that, and then hopefully before I leave the continent in July, the first round of query letters. B
ut itās not like Iāve stayed much on target with any other efforts so far, so that may all be a pipe dream. I can waste time with the best of them, so taking a break doesnāt sound like a bad idea, but it does feel very wrong to stop moving forward with this project and just let it sit for a long enough time that I can come back to it with fresh perspective. And a week or two is probably (absolutely) not what people mean when they say you should do that.
So I guess Iām breaking all the rules. Over and over again.
Hereās to breaking rules, taking chances, and failing spectacularly!
Monday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 82
31 Mar 2016
Contains affiliate links. So my updated passport finally came in! Paperwork step one: check. A whole decade of not having to worry about where Iām at, geographically speaking, at least.
Watched the first episode of The Scheme documentary (BBC) yesterday, which made me seriously question what Iām planning hereā¦ But trying to keep some perspective; itās not like I spent time in bottom income/recovery communities here, so taking that as representative of my experience in another country would be misleading.
Although, given that I may not have a full professionalās income when I go, I canāt totally dismiss the fear that I could be stuck in the midst of people that I can only understand a tenth of the time. Irrational fears will eat me alive (lol).
Been reading Kelley Armstrong; engaging Canadian author with proven success, some social commentary along with fantasy/supernatural elements, definitely someone I should be looking in to.
Although as per usual, I feel simultaneously encouraged and terrified by her work (and not just because it has some pretty strong horror elementsā¦ another reason to emulate!) When I read back in my work, I feel like: yeah, this could work. When I think about how much it would take to shape and carve that ability to put one word after another in a pleasant way into an engaging, compelling, entertaining storyā¦ yikes.
I get pissed off enough just by submitting 100 word copywriting projects that get thrown back a few times for rewrites. Itās hard to imagine that at 100 times the scale, and about something more closely tied to my personal creativity.
But since I donāt write for my own amusement, itās a necessary step that I WILL do. I hope. Probably. Almost certainly. Eventually. If I ever finishā¦
The fixes that need to be incorporated in rewrites are stacking up the closer I get to the end (or what I think is the endā¦) and I canāt imagine how to do them. I write with the intent of final draft - full, cohesive, flowing (I hope, or delusionally believe, anyways) scenes, which makes it hard to interrupt or redirect those sections.
However, Hayne5 needs to be a āstraighterā character for the first half of the story, believing in and supporting the Tower, but with an internal ethical core and moral code around his work that force him to recognize and struggle with inconsistencies, and eventually sets him at odds with the Tower. As is, that pulling away and skepticism is too strongly telegraphed too early.
Coleās kind of the same way, or at least Cadenceās voice in Cole. She needs to be swept along completely by Ravel1 for much longer, particularly the pace that the story is moving at. Her realization that Freedom and Ravel1 are something to be escaped is a emotional high point and key plot move, and something that sheāll need to struggle with to make Itriās arrival on the scene more meaningful and more of a contrast. Victoire may need to go.
And those are besides the small but pervasive details that have shifted, like the redesign of the uniforms to be burka-like cloaks with masks.
Part 2
Finished The Summoning
Book One (Gold) is about Cole escaping the Tower and developing enough agency to make choices and see through lies.
Book Two (Silver) is about Cole recovering her identities, accepting and blending them, and gaining the power to affect the world around her, and not just be affected by it. The Tower tries to take her back, and she has to choose a path. The Tower falls.
Book Three (Earth) is about Cole learning to live in relationship, to lead, to be responsible for others. Revolution and picking up the pieces after all the frameworks have been shattered. Escaping and accessing a wider world, because thereās always another wall to climb and another world out there.
Thursday
Start time: 12:45 & 4:45 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 81
30 Mar 2016
I canāt seem to summon any energy or focus this week. The weather changed - jumped ten degrees celsius and turned sunny basically overnight, so Iāll blame it on that. Or allergens. Or low iron. Or anything, really.
Seems like the worst thing I can do is tell myself that I need to kick it into high gear; itās paralyzing. So much to do that I start avoiding āthe listā as much as possible, wasting hours on distractions.
Like writing how to get over writerās block tips on Quora. Absurd.
Maybe Iām subconsciously afraid of finishing and having to leave this second adolescence that Iāve been basking in - all the joys of unbounded creative freedom with no true responsibilities. Or maybe Iām just full of shit. Either way, nothing stays the same for long. It would be wise to make the most of this opportunity.
Not feeling very wise at the moment, but if I can maintain a general forward trajectory, thatās something at least.
Iām concerned that my renewed passport hasnāt been delivered yet. Half a trip booked, flights and accommodations pinned down, and I canāt even apply for my visa yet. Plus, thereās a lot of unreliable components in the mix, like tenuous accommodation connections and hard to pin down budgets and timelines.
Itās going to be great. Itās going to be exhausting. Iām exhausted just thinking about it. So much pressure to make the most of every moment, see and do andā¦
I mostly just want to live. And create. And do awesome stuff. And break down barriers. And inspire others to more.
So the trip will be great. And then it will be time (past time) to move on to something else.
Wednesday
Start time: 1:45 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 80
29 Mar 2016
Contains affiliate links. So Iāve been reading Kelley Armstrongās stand-alone novels (the not-fantasy ones: The Masked Truth
Absolutely blasted my focus and concentration over the weekend with interminable hours of trip-planning logistics and research, although I did take a break from the computer for most of Easter Sunday. Airbnb and the obsessive drive to save a few dollars are destroying my mindā¦
So Iāll take that as an excuse for why itās taken me all morning to pull up āNotesā and start working. Also, struggling to get over the nightmares in which I finally broke down and confessed to my former boss that all I knew about finance was based on a high school semester of beginners accounting, and then children were maimed and swallowed by the landscape.
It was tense but not terrifying, interestingly enough. My dreams never really are; Iām just a little wired and intrigued in them. Itās when I wake up to the palpable presence of evil staring down at me that the terror sets in.
Thankfully, that doesnāt come too often. So mostly Iām just dealing with low-grade anxiety and stored tension, rather than demonic torment. (lol?)
I hear movement upstairs, so Iād better shift gears to get at least a little chunk of writing in before I get disturbedā¦
Tuesday
Start time: 12:45 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 79
24 Mar 2016
As it so happens, I think we are going to switch out our second destination from Prague to Brussels despite/because of the terrorist attacks. It would be noble to say that weāre defying the oppressive nature of the enemy, but really, itās because that destination is pretty cheap to fly in/out of, is pretty looking, might become even cheaper for tourists after the attacks, and we figure, now that itās been hit, itās not a likely target in the near future. More pragmatic than noble, but maybe the net effect is the same. Plus Rebelās excited about Belgian beerā¦ and waffles. Itās crazy how expensive flights are from Krakow to Prague! I have this idea that all these historic cities with their castles and museums and stuff will just meld into one anyways, so itās kind of meaningless seeing one over the otherā¦
Iām working on a portfolio page/micro-site with freeCodeCamp at the moment, which is great, but predictably, the more I learn about something, the more I realize how much there is to know and how far away that target isā¦ so hard to keep up confidence and squash the imposter syndrome all the time! Iād really like to style myself as a guy, for coding work at least, but now that everything is so interconnected, Iād have to scrub my social media and fabricate a male persona with graphics/pictures somehow to make it workā¦
Is it a cop-out to erase my female identity in order to get treated and paid better? Am I giving up the fight? Or just recognizing and capitalizing on existing structures?
It would be an interesting trial to create a duplicate identity - build out a Google profile, LinkedIn account, Twitter, the works, and then bid for work under both personas and document the process. Like, I could credit my male alter-ego for building my website. Is that unethical? Illegal? Seems like bidding against myself could cause problemsā¦ Pretty anti-free market. If I fabricate work experience for my fictional male self, is that going to have a net negative effect? Would anyone ever even notice?
Note to self: make this happen. Sell the story to the Post or equivalent. Maybe a feature for Fast Co.? Although, Iām sure that someoneās already come up with this idea and put it into motionā¦
And yet again, must. stay. on. track. Finish this story. Beat it into something worth reading. Release to the outer world. Then dive into projects or other stories (I wonder if Orca books would publish a micro-novel on the topic? Hmmā¦)
Thursday
Start time: 11:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 78
23 Mar 2016
Just work.
Just.
Work.
Or something like that. The hardest part is starting.
Except for continuing. Finishing, refining, sharing, distributing, marketing, monetizing, negotiating, reinvesting.
So yeah, itās all hard. I think I need to do less online surveys and reading of articles, and more focused learning and creating. But even with an extremely limited lifestyle, more money is going out than coming in and I just canāt let go of the need to get on top of that cycle. Even though Iāve planned for it and committed to this plan.
So, stop whining and just get over it? Focus. Finish. Start again. Stop worrying about tomorrow (next yearāsā¦) problems.
I wonder if Iāve got too many narratives, the personal journeys of too many peopleā¦ Morris2 surprisingly survived past her cameo at the start. Background figures are popping up and showing off their initiative and hidden lives.
Is this creative and sympathetic, or just unfocused? Like, yeah, everyone (everyone!) has a back story in the world, but that doesnāt mean we need to know itā¦
The crappy bit is that I could spend all this time fleshing out material that ultimately needs to be cut to keep the story focused and moving forward. The upshot is that I then have shareable micro stories to share.
The criteria is simple: does it help move the story forward? - but the interpretation is hard; whose story? How much does it have to help? Is it acceptable, desirable, to rework the sequence of events to reduce complexity? Is it honest or real?
Too many questions, not enough creating for this stage, anyways.
Moving onā¦
Wednesday
Start time: 11:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 77
22 Mar 2016
So I sat down yesterday afternoon to start building a website and launching my writerās platformā¦ and only got as far as installing Python before I realized I really needed a skills refresher.
After a couple false starts, got onto freeCodeCamp, which is an absolutely spectacular tool. Bite sized practice lessons, a full, step-by-step curriculum up to and including Full Stack Development, gamification-type tools that keep forward motion addictive, and eventually, portfolio projects that actually help non-profits.
It was a nice little ego boost to finish the first 13+ hours in less than half that time, although with previous coding experience in all subjects covered, I probably should have blasted through faster. The downside, of course, being that I am now obsessed with a new subject and all I want to do is problem solve coding challenges for the foreseeable future. Iām so predictableā¦
There was a terrorist attack in Brussels this morning; airport and transit bombings, so now my family is feeling anxiety about my impending travel plans. Not that Iāve made a ton of progress on that eitherā¦ Iāve been costing out estimated portions of the trip, which has proved to be mildly productive in that it identified a necessary extension of the trip, as Auschwitz is closed on the date we planned to visit, but itās also a lot of effort for kind of minimal results.
Trying not to think about the costs; I can sort of justify it by not having spent any significant money on a vacation for the last half dozen years, but itās a little scary to think of money going out, and nothing (at all) coming in at the momentā¦ Even though Iāve planned for this and all.
Increasingly, Iām considering the self-publishing route, but Iām worried that it might just be laziness recommending that path to me. Instant gratification, total control, etc.
Having a significant advance from a publishing house, not to mention their resources to polish up the book and sell it, would be far preferable in the long run, but in the short term, the idea of finishing this thing, kicking it out and making (minuscule) income is more appealing than going through months/years of process in the hopes that someone will pick it up. Not to mention, self-publishing lets me get away with some strange artistic choices (like too much inner processing and not enough action!) that Iām not looking forward to having edited outā¦
But Iāve made the mistake before of pulling the pin too soon, and I donāt want to see a year or more of effort flushed because I couldnāt hang on and put enough effort into polishing and presenting the story as effectively as possible. Again, really not sure about the switching-perspective first-person narratives; could use some outside feedback on whether itās too contrived/boring/indulgent, but I donāt want to share with beta readers until Iāve reached the āendā, gone back and fixed all the continuity issues and cleaned up typos at the very least!
Just a little longer (ā¦I hopeā¦)
Tuesday
Start time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 76
21 Mar 2016
Tearing my hair out (just a bit!) with travel planning; I have this obsessive need to research and map out every moment, which is hugely distracting and possibly not that productive, since I keep having factors slide around on me anyways. Turns out my arrival date is no good for the family that Iād been planning to stay with at first, so I either need to rebook that or make plans to continue on to another destination right away (and deal with the massive luggage in tow!) At which point, the questions only start multiplying: earlier in June, or even May? Later in July? Keep the date and proceed on to job hunting in Scotland immediately? But what if I donāt go back to working in an office? What thenā¦?
So many questions that I just canāt engage with right now. So many possible tracks. Occasionally, endless possibility is alluring and hopeful; more often, itās crippling, or at least dizzying. A tempting, deceitful illusion.
As much as anything, what I need more of is focus - commitment!
Monday
Start time: 9:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 75
17 Mar 2016
St. Patrickās Day!
Not that that really translates to anything here. Another day of work, chores, wasting time, running errandsā¦ but still, maybe Iāll make something with that bottle of Jameson laterā¦
I did some more (very light!) research on travelling with Rebel, and the locations look amazing (Poland, Krakow, Croatia, and of course Scotland/Ireland), but the money is making me a little bit stressed. It should be doable, but Iām never comfortable when Iāve got more going out than I do coming in, and right now it feels like my entire life is one enormous gamble. But not necessarily in a bad way.
Just because people love comfort doesnāt mean too much of itās a good thing for them, right? So Iām going to press on with the risks and try to enjoy the ride!
Thursday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 74
16 Mar 2016
So, silver lining to the whole losing EI/no income thing: I can now talk/post about my plans, build a platform, self-promote and all that irritating but necessary stuff without having to play my cards close to my chest for fear of being busted!
Not that Iām actually getting around to doing any of thatā¦ but itās nice to know I couldā¦
Came across this Google guide thing where if you review enough places in Google maps, they give you 1TB of storage for a couple years, which would solve my space issue and let me deal with the laptop thing finallyā¦ so just spent most of the afternoon reviewing a half dozen places after spending most of the morning catching up on Gilmore Girls and snapping pics of junk to sell on eBay (because income) - both chores that Iād resent doing as actual work, but for whatever reason, I happily do for no guaranteed payā¦
And of course, now I donāt want to keep writing because Iām distracted by projects that Iāve started and not finished. So, poop.
I feel like Iām really missing the target with the multiple voices/narrative thing. It worked a little better when I was switching tense (or maybe not), but now itās becoming strikingly clear that everyone needs their own distinctive voice with appropriate characteristics and toneā¦ so much for avoiding dialogue because itās too hard! I just turned the whole freakinā book into dialogue! Agh! Something else for the rewrites, I guess.
One issue thatās cropping up, it that Hayne5ās voice is getting rougher, and Iām tiptoeing around the language thing - I donāt really swear (although I do use mildly crude language in conversation), and I donāt really support publishing books that promote or normalize negative behaviours, butā¦ A story is also a reflection of reality, and you canāt over-edit reality without watering it down or warping it out of all meaning.
And then, the bigger issue, despite all the world building, I havenāt envisioned or mapped the development of things like language drift (slang will have changed in a different community/environment/time), not to mention environmental degradation. How much of our current world is no longer reference-able in language? How careful do I need to be with metaphors? When people are controlled down to the level of their memories, do they even have a memory of God to reference in cursing? How do they learn to curse if their society prevents them from experiencing anything worth cursing about? Headā¦ spinningā¦ lol.
Also spent some time recently researching Prague, as Rebel wants to visit there this summer.
I. Canāt. Evenā¦ sometimes thereās too much out there to even consider. Too many sights, sounds, experience, not nearly enough time or money! TT_TT
Wednesday
Start time: 3:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Los Sietos Mezcal
Day 73
15 Mar 2016
Saw some excellent (and not-so-excellent) shows in Vancouver over the weekend, both for CelticFest and within the broader local music scene.
Sketchy location, but Patās Pub on East Hastings had a great selection of on-tap beers and hosted the spectacular Jeff Andrew Band. Rare to see a violinist/fiddler leading the band and trading off vocals like that; totally inspiring. Also makes me feel inadequate on all three instruments that he was kicking my ass inā¦
In not-so-great-developments, my EI just ended two months earlier than I expectedā¦ I really thought Iād checked and seen May as the end date. Itās possible I misread it, or they didnāt like the way I was reporting things, or something just went wrong.
Had a near-encounter with my ex-boss yesterday, so my paranoia level is max. Disappointing not to have a few thousand more dollars to survive off of and save for the trip, particularly because my brilliant musician friend Rebel wants to travel Europe with me in August!
But whatever; Iāll adapt and survive. If anything, it gives me more incentive to start lining up my freelancing ducks in a row with a bit more time to go before changing timezones.
Still struggling with whether to really double down on the whole writing-as-a-career/calling thing, or to diversify in the interests of having a sustainable lifestyle. Lost cause today; Iām just not getting that much done, but something to think aboutā¦
Did some research yesterday by walking through the Marine Building, the Burrard Centre underground, and the Royal Centre - Iād forgotten that there was so much underground in that area, including access to the tunnels with SkyTrain right thereā¦ Opens up a whole world of possibilities. Layers of hidden society. Maybe a secret staging ground for an invasion/attack on the Tower?
Iād like to work the historic buildings in somehow tooā¦ The rewrites are really starting to pile up, and thereās a strong possibility of losing some important threads here, but I think Iād better focus on moving forward and get to the end before starting over from the beginning!
Tuesday
Start time: 12:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 72
10 Mar 2016
Still distracted, but trying to prioritize and get over my need to deal with all the details RIGHT THIS MINUTE! Because, seriously, the trip is now four months away, not two, and Iām not going to be able to retain any detail of what I look at now.
Iāve booked flights, Iām watching for rental car deals in St. Johnās (ongoing), Iāve mapped out all the historic sites in St. Johnās that I could possibly be interested, and done some minimal research on London transit, sights, and UK train/travel costs - yikes, btw, Iām going to need a serious income source to survive those costs!!
Yeesh, London! Itās awesome that your museums are free, but the other attractions are like Disneyland order of magnitude expensive!
So apart from getting my paperwork done step-by-step and maybe getting another piece of luggage, thereās really not a lot that needs to be done for the trip for the next few months.
Of course, thereās a ton to do here: strip my old laptop and find (buy) space for all those files that wonāt fit on the new one. Get a new iPad. Ebay all my stuff. Build a multi-channel platform. Finish this. Focus.
Focus!!
Or something. Continuing to be mildly encouraged by the Orca press books, and simultaneously depressed. I think I can write as well as them (I hopeā¦), but Iād estimate theyāre bringing in - max - in the tens of thousands per book.
At that rate, Iād need to put out a minimum of four books a year. Instead of, like, 0.5 books per year, which is currently feeling pretty freakinā ambitious.
Oh, and the sirens have started to compete with the gusting wind and falling branches outside. Must finish writing before the power goes out!
Fairly happy about Hayne5ās progress; he just keeps rolling along in the background making small, almost-unrelated steps towards the finish line - whatever that is. Need to cycle back to Morris2/Serov/Maria to keep those balls rolling - Serov is unpleasant, but too minor in the proceedings. He should be more threatening. Or maybe replaced. Come to think of it, his role could be rolled into Ravelās (is he Ravel1ās alter ego? Is Serov just another of the Ravel series? Or is one guy popping up all over the place? Different names - aliases - for characters seems to have become a āthingā).
Since Ravel is functioning as a de-facto villain - building trust, tempting, manipulating, betraying - it lessens or negates the need for the more āfabricatedā villains (Serov/Ravel series/Maria) - but if this goes duo/trilogy, building levels of villains in the background doesnāt hurt.
Not sure how acceptable it is to leave threads hanging; does everyone need to reach some level of resolution or purpose before the end of the book, even if their true resolution takes place in a later story?
Iāll need to strengthen the plot for almost all secondary roles, since they currently mostly resolve at a later point - unless, the end is further away than I thoughtā¦
Thursday
Start time: 10:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 71
09 Mar 2016
Contains affiliate links. So, predictably, Iāve been hugely distracted by travel planning. Once I start something, man, it just takes over all my focus and energy. I guess Iāve managed to hold on to a bit of that adolescent obsessiveness.
Time has been rolling along here, but I finally FaceTimed my uncle and aunt in London and realized that I should really look into getting the arrangements started. I realized my passport will expire in under two years, so in order to avoid getting turned away on landing, I needed to renew that - which meant I couldnāt apply for my work visa until after I got my new passport, which meant I was starting to cut things pretty close.
My fault for sticking around a half year + longer than I had said I would. But whatever, Iād had alerts set up on Skyscanner, and the prices had been trending up for a while now, with the best deals pushed all the way back to September - time to take action!
I booked my flight to London on Monday. May 20 - sooner than Iād expected, and paperwork was going to be an issue. Plus my parents are quietly freaking out about me leaving so soon. But whatever; it was an excellent deal - under $200 before fees/taxes, just over (~$220) with them. Connections in Edmonton and a long daytime layover in St. Johns - finally, a chance to see the East Coast!
I forwarded the confirmation to the parents (just to unsettle their day a little more!) and went off on one of my Vancouver days, telling all my friends about my plan, now finally in motion. They seemed surprised I had actually made plans, but excited for me.
Mildly insulting, but Iāll admit, Iāve wondered once or twice myself if anything would come of all my big talk. The timing would be soon - so many arrangements to take care of! - but if everything went optimally, it would just fit.
My EI payments would run out the week I leave - good cashflow - and Iād budgeted just about enough time for this book - just! - which meant Iād barely have a chance to do rewrites and send off enquiries.
Not ideal, but I canāt hang out at my parentsā place taking a break from life forever. And then I got home, late that evening, and they asked why I wanted to pay for a hotel in Edmonton. What?
Turns out, on the itinerary, the flight gets into and leaves Edmonton with almost no break - I dismissed this as a minor computer error. Nope.
It was a 24 hour layover, after a 1.5 hour flight. In Edmonton. Whyyyyyā¦
So that explains the cheap tickets. Or so I thought. Having become marginally more proactive in my advanced years, I decided to look up cancellation policiesā¦ I wouldnāt mind a full dayās layover inā¦ well, really any city in Canada except that one (sorry Edmontoniansā¦), and a ~$100 savings on tickets would be eaten up and then some with the costs involved in spending time on the ground.
Turns out, there have been some major changes since I last flew. Thank you WestJet! No penalty cancellations within the first 24 hours!
The next day (yesterday), I rebooked for ~$100 more on July 4. A brief change of planes in Alberta, an overnight flight to St. Johnās, and then 15 hours to play in the oldest settlement in Canada before a second overnight flight to London, arriving on July 6 at 8 am!
The only downsides were exorbitant car rental fees/no public transit from the airport to the city (really?!) and only 5 hours to sleep for two nights in a row. Between the Gravol and lack of sleep, I may or may not be able to find my way once I land in London, but caffeine and willpower will just have to see me through!
Shame on you, Budget etc. for charging Canadians twice as much, btw! Very uncool to land on the .com page all excited, and find out I have to book through the .ca, with automatically doubled list prices.
Thankfully, looks like I can bypass the region controls by using Hotwire or similar once I get my Amazon Visa (no exchange fees!)
So, long story short, I havenāt done any writing this week, and I keep getting distracted by trip planning - the upshot being that I should have my St. Johnās plans nailed down before the week is out!
So many things to rememberā¦ Must find another large-but-easy-to-move luggage piece (rolling duffle, maybe?), do another trial pack to ensure Iām within the less expensive baggage range, figure out how to get at least one instrument included in my carry-on, convert files from my old laptop to the cloud so I can ditch it, get a new iPad, get all my paperwork processed and approved, look into and procure any and all discounted items (city passes, rail passes) that can only be procured remotely, arrange travel plans with all the friends who insist that theyāre in the area at the same time, meet up with everyone who will be lonely once I go and try to convince them to make friends, oh yeah, and figure out what Iām going to do once I get myself relocated! Write? Freelance something or other? Career? Couch surf, board, roommate or rent?
So yeah, my brain wonāt stop spinning. Oh, and Iāve got a good 40+ books to read and half my stuff to ebay/Craigslist before I go. But priorities; I havenāt been out for a run in, like, a month, but I will keep moving forward with Coleās story.
Iāve been super impressed by Orca Publishingās The Secrets
Based on published sales figures, Iād be bleeding money publishing with them. Just not enough distribution and marketing reach. Sigh.
Must. break. into. the. US. market. Too bad - the stuff theyāre putting out is quality. But Iām not (currently) writing historical, they have an insane word cap of like 60K, which means Iād have to limit this story to basically Cole getting free of the Tower. Which may happen (trilogy, anyone?), but would still take a lot of tightening up.
Thinking Cole needs to have a more active role in things - itās good for her to be analytical, but she should use that to move forward, whether itās exploring/colonizing the roof, hacking for/against Freedomā¦ Really play up the problem-solving, against her suppressed motivation via emotion.
Just watched The Martian
Wednesday
Start time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 70
03 Mar 2016
Internetās down, and I feel frustration and a sense of loss. How dare the mysterious workings of wireless data disrupt my indulgent routine?!
But I want to get started earlier anyways, soā¦ meh. On it goes.
Today I wondered if I should have been a marine biologist - I love the aquarium (but not actual natureā¦), and I got great marks in biology - at least up to the 100 level that I actually tookā¦
Then I realized I should have taken coding back in high school, but instead I took all the AP Arts classes, because I could use them to skip the first level of universityā¦and only lower class boys took trades courses like computers.
So yeah, my bad. Pride strikes again.
But Iām writing again, so maybe something good will come of all the wrong turns in the end, or maybe I started on the right path, and just didnāt have enough determination and focus to stay on it for the last decadeā¦
Itās weird to remember Holly Black and her cohort as the next big thing in emerging Teen/YA fiction, and now see them writing kidsā adventure stories for their own children.
Iāve let myself be left behind.
But then again, at least itās not for their grandchildren.
Thursday
Start time: 9:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Sencha
Day 69
02 Mar 2016
Contains affiliate links. So I came across this article about Grace Dove, a Northern BC Shuswap (First Nations) actress currently in the news for playing DiCaprioās wife in The Revenant
Early on in the development of this story, I wanted Cole to be of First Nations descent, and Grace Dove would make a great model, butā¦thing is, the reasons I had for doing that arenāt really still in play and will probably make their way into a separate book, plus Iām worried about whether having people of colour in my books is just another way of abusing white privilege instead of empowering diverse audiences, plus the way Iāve written Cole and structured the story plays up this idea of paleness/whiteness, and Iām just not really sure how to write a different appearanceā¦
How do you write non-white skin tones without being awkward/racist/confusing?
But it would be authentic to a Vancouver-future west-coast city to have mixed races with influence from European, Asian, Native etc. - in fact, based on the current trajectory, the weirdest, least-likely future would have maintained clear racial divisions. Thereās so many interracial marriage/births that itās got to outpace immigration and ethnic purity at some point.
So long story short, I guess the Tower papers over the inevitable ethnic diversity with the burka-style uniforms, and Iāll just have to figure out how to write different skin tones!
I like the idea of Maria staying blazingly blonde and white, though that makes it harder to write the Ravels, since I had pictured them as somewhat Asianā¦
Right now Itri is kind of a south/eastern European/middle eastern mix, darker skinā¦ I keep going back and forth between full on black, even brown, or a mixed, olive/tanned type skin.
Iād like greater visual diversity between him and Cole, which is part of why I described her as very pale at the beginning (the other part being that Iām not sure how else to write herā¦), but given that I want him to have kind of broad, not Hollywood-clean features (is swarthy pejorative?), yeahā¦
Itās like thereās a type of visual binary in writing. You have sharp-cut, pale/bright looks = good, vs. āother-nessā, and I want to write multiple types of distinctive āotherā in roles ranging from hero to villain, but I feel like Iām lacking the tools for it. Maybe Iām just not that observant. So for the rewrites, I think Iāll try to track down visual models, or at least a ālook-bookā composite of models to improve the descriptiveness. There have been enough heroines with red/blonde curly hair, underdeveloped bodies and green/blue eyes, and there have certainly been enough tall, defined, sharp-jawed heroes to represent those looks.
Iāll do my best to write diverse looks, abilities and body types so that we can all have someone to identify with. Speaking of which, I need to circle back and take another look at Lilyās descriptions vs. Sam and Morris2ās for consistency. It could be cute if she were half Asian - someone for my future niece/nephew to identify with? Although, itās not like Iād let him/her read this at age 7 anyways, so maybe notā¦
In other news, had a decent planning & research session yesterday. Starting to build out a promo plan and get an idea of what kind of effort needs to go into that (hint: too much!) - Itās tempting to just dive right in, but probably not advisable.
So many questions that need answering, not least of which is: what to call this? Pseudonym vs. real name? Cute/catchy/descriptive? How much content to prepare ahead? What kind of targets are realistic vs. necessary? What tools/platforms/languages? What on earth am I going to do for graphics?? Gah!
Wednesday
Start time: 10:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Los Sietos Mezcal
Day 68
01 Mar 2016
Contains affiliate links. Predictably, getting back into this after two weeks of trying my utmost to be indulgent and unproductive is terribly hard.
Sad to say, my ability to marathon Netflix/anime/movies/docs etc. for days on end - or even a single day! - has tragically eroded over the past several years, to the point that I actually managed to get my tax returns done. The horror!
Clearly my artistic brain is shrivelling and decaying as I age. My ability to snack on horrendously processed foods continues unabated, though, a fact for which I will now proceed to suffer. I rarely eat absolute crap, but when I do, I really commit. Also, hooray for daily drinking!
On the plus side, Iāve been stacking up insights about where to take this story - on the minus, I havenāt actually done anything with them. Must review my notes and see if thereās anything useable there.
Also, watched Shetland
But at the very least, Iāll need to move somewhere with exceptional internet, which narrows the prospects considerably. The costs of importing and transport on the islands are also prohibitive, not to mention the reduced social possibilities. Though, to be realistic, Iāll never have more than three or so relationships at any given time, which doesnāt exactly set the bar at āmetropolisā.
Itās funny: the first inkling of Coleās story was a very indulgent fantasy romance - mortal danger, a dazzling hero sweeping in, some improbable circumstances setting up cohabitation, slipping into romance and a glorious superhero future.
The reality is unravelling with every further glimpse of Coleās world and situation. Iām not sure she has the capacity to be in a healthy relationship, and Iām starting to think that Itriās going to have to be the one to break that to her. Thatās not the happy ending I wanted.
I wonder if it would help at all to gender-swap Itri, if things arenāt going to go full-romance? Itās a big change, butā¦ nope. I really think that would torpedo saleability.
I like the idea of writing a clearly feminist work, but reality is too complicated. Cole isnāt an aspirational character; she may or may not be realistic, but she suffers from very recognizable flaws: lack of confidence, uncertain identity, fear, crippling emotional scars, disempowerment. Sheāll grow and get stronger, and maybe eventually sheāll be healthy enough to love and accept love.
I hope she does, but I just donāt see it yet. Itās different from Twilightās New Moon - Itri doesnāt remove himself for fear of the harm heād bring to Cole, he removes himself to save her the harm sheād inflict on herself. Itās actually love, not the fantasy of love. Maybe that makes it hurt less? Probably not.
Theyāll both suffer for it, but not as much as if they tried to build a future together on secrets, lies and shattered identities.
Iād like Itri to be stronger than he currently is, but itās not shaping up that way either. The one person I do love for no clear reason is Lily. Sheās young for her age (around 7?) and kind of unrealistically sweet and loving, butā¦ children like that do exist.
I feel deep sadness, almost anguish at whatās in her future - not to mention her past, which is odd considering her ancillary position, her existence that almost never was, but for some reason I feel the most compassion for her, and maybe Sam. Sheās tragic and empathetic, in a way that Cole should have been but isnāt.
In a way, Cole is so comfortable with her isolation and frosty composure that sheās impossible to pity. Much has been done to her; everything has been taken away from her, but sheās not broken within that, and maybe thatās the most feminist thing to be said. Sheās not endlessly hopeful, innately strong, voraciously ambitious, but she continues to quietly, clumsily be, in the face of dreary existence, in the face of abuse, under the burden of hopes and expectations.
Itri was raised to be a hero, and steps up to those expectations with gravity and intensity, but Cole was shredded, abandoned, suppressed, and continues on regardless.
If she learns to love, it will be the greatest triumph of humanity.
Part 2: Planning time!
Wednesday
Start time: 2:00 & 3:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Los Sietos Mezcal
Day 67
11 Feb 2016
Itās funny; every time I start to feel like this is impossible, like my writing is crap and my storytelling boring, I glance back across a previous section, or read something someone else has done, and go: huh. This could work. It might even be good.
Hereās hoping!
In rewrites, I really need to timeline everything and then shuffle the chapters - I wrote initially based off of a sense of appropriateness and urgency that Iām kind of unwilling to let go, but the pacing, although it may read well, is pretty confusing when it comes to timelines, and especially as things go on, Iām feeling the perspective shifts chapter-to-chapter less and less; in most cases, it makes more sense to keep going and raising tension for at least two and up to four chapters.
Or something.
Anyway, thatāll be a key issue for the substantive edits/rewriting phase.
Thursday
Start time: 9:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 66
10 Feb 2016
Finally saw the new Star Wars yesterday. Wow.
Inspiring storytelling and characters with just enough pops of Star Wars nostalgia. Visible minority hero without making a thing of it. Female lead, without an over sexualized costume. Romantic elements that donāt infantilize the woman, but emphasize both partnership and caring, with both parties showing emotional and practical love for one another. Saving one another in turn. Ending with the girl, not the guy, fighting the final battle.
Wow.
Iām a little lost. I feel like Iām floundering in the midst of the story, and itās a bigger push uphill to keep going right now than it has been since the holidays.
Itās not that Iām unsure what to write next, exactly - there is both the original plot outline (not reviewed for the last 20 chapters, but anywaysā¦) as well as the growing pile of notes that I keep transplanting from chapter to chapter.
Itās more that the emotional and narrative force isnāt there. Thereās an increasing number of things that I need to go back and deal with in rewrites. Thereās a lack of amusing, delightful, exciting or comedic elements, which is weighing the story down, making it all drama and emo introspection, as well as the visceral horror elements.
Thereās my fear of writing dialogue and expressing characterization properly as wellā¦ But as always, I feel like thereās no way but forward.
Itās hard balancing my experience - painstakingly slow, wrapped up in details - with the end reader experience, who goes through stretches in a matter of minutes or hours that take me weeks to write.
Or so I hopeā¦
Also, the timelines are too divergent by far; I flip between everyoneās experiences as if they were concurrent, but forget to factor in stretches of time that pass, particularly empty timeā¦
OK, thatās it. Iām going back and rewriting everything to first person present, with switching viewpoints. This third person past thing just isnāt working for me. When I get timeā¦
Wednesday
Start time: 11:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: G&T
Day 65
09 Feb 2016
Contains affiliate links. Been thinking about doing the James Patterson writing masterclass. Itās funny; I launched this project thinking I wanted to write the next YA bestseller, set a new record for first novel sold, that kind of thing, but the more I get into it, the more Iām realizing I have to do things in a way that works for who I am, whether itās writing schedule, content, pacing, characterization, etc.
So on the one hand, Iām afraid to start looking at what others recommend (James Patterson and Stephen King being the two sources Iām primarily looking at), for fear of their ideas influencing my direction in a way that degrades the uniqueness, because letās face it, Iām never going to pace a thriller to compete with either of those publishing masters. That said, I would really like to know how they approach various things, and it makes sense to take advantage of ālessons learnedā.
So, donāt hold me to this, but I think the right thing to do is to finish the first draft without outside input, and finish a whole first round of edits/rewrites, before looking at what outside advice I can bring in.
I may be overestimating my preciousness, like so many of my generation are accused of doingā¦
yeah, probably.
Apologies to all of you in advance who have invested in learning your craft; Iām just going to keep winging it for now. Although I have career experience in marketing, communications and strategy, Iām going to try instinct and artistic freedom instead, foolishly.
But in an industry where doing everything right is no guarantee of success, why not try doing everything wrong? How much worse could the odds get?
Meanwhile in the real world, my parents just floated the idea of going into creative arts direction/worship leading as a career and it blew my mind.
What a stupid idea.
What a compelling idea.
I wanted to be a pro musician or at least a music teacher in high school, and it was always at war with my desire to write and my need to have a stable career. But to be paid to help churches connect with people in a meaningful way, to make music and work with musicians and bands, to coordinate creative arts and marketing in the service of something meaningfulā¦ itās horribly, terrifyingly compelling.
Also, quite impossible feeling. Iād need years of guitar and probably piano and theory lessons still. Iād have to overcome objections to women in leadership. Iād have to build and work with teams, engaging in difficult conversations (going to an officeā¦), deal with the burden of having my lifestyle scrutinized for sin and spiritual discipline.
Not to mention, being judged for the way I look, and then being out of a career in a decade, when I age out of itā¦
Hmmā¦ Of course, then Iād be free to write another bookā¦
Iām sure Iām not talented enough, skilled enough, social enough, attractive enough, holy enough or strong enough to do the job. But oh, do I want to!
So, maybe, maybe Iāll find some time this week to keep practicing those guitar exercises, to drag my brotherās keyboard out from under the bed. Certainly, I could use a professional excuse to have all these instruments lying around!
And back to the writing world, Iām still concerned about Coleās characterization/introduction. Is she compelling as a person? Is she interesting? Do you want to know more about her?
Oh! Another encouragement, too. I had very nearly decided to switch the storytelling mode to third person, when I started reading Helen Dunmoreās latest Ingo book(Tide Knot
Sheās a fantastic writer. One concern is that the whole book (so far) has been very nice and linear, single perspective, which is, of course, what you are supposed to do with that type of storytelling. Iāll deal with that problem laterā¦ (ugh!)
Tuesday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: G&T
Day 64
04 Feb 2016
This whole week has felt like blah~~ ā¦but Iāve made decent headway regardless, which is reassuring.
Starting rewrites was less than encouraging, and Iām debating between intensifying rewrite efforts and holding off so that I can keep up the forward momentum.
Probably not going to get much extra done this week - itās chore day, and I have a small freelance project to turn over - but I think next week is the last clear one before vacation, and Iām still not sure if Iām going to keep plugging through the two weeks of vacation, or if Iāll devolve into an unproductive, Netflix or Crunchyroll-addicted lump and hide from the world for the full two weeks.
Decisions, decisions!
In terms of value for followers, also not sure that all the material I had thought of sharing will make it up. This journal-blog, for one, is probably not terribly valuable for anyone but true obsessives, but maybe if I offered a platform? Build the tools, and then get other writers to use them? Or somethingā¦
All assuming Iām as clever as I think I am, and can actually code anything usefulā¦
Future problems are for the future.
Leave it aloneā¦
Thursday
Start time: 9:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Tulsi Ginger Tea
Day 63
03 Feb 2016
Another day of astonishing lack of productivity. Itās turning into an amazing week. Ugh.
However, I did watch a documentary on addiction that suggested some drug forebears to the nutrition that the Tower uses to control the populace. Vivitrol, gavapentin, anti addiction drugs that subdue cravings. Some are monthly injections, others are pills.
Totally plausible, right?
Yesterdayās edits were depressing. Iām not happy with how the first chapter is turning out, or how Coleās sections read. Also, it took about as long as writing it in the first place. Blearg.
Iām hesitant to switch to a full third-person past mode throughout, since a lot of Coleās stuff would be lost, or at least I feel like it would really lose her perspective, but I canāt see telling the whole story from her perspective, nor can I adjust all the other sections to be first person present.
When I get a chance, Iāll try rewriting that first chapter in third person past and see how it comes outā¦ maybe itāll be ok?
Wednesday
Start time: 2:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: cold mint tea
Day 62
02 Feb 2016
Gah! Coleās emoness is getting to me! Sheās all in her head and making stupid moves and slowing down the progress, but I canāt seem to get her to pick the pace up! Quite a turnaround from when she was the only one that I felt comfortable writing.
Didnāt have a very productive day yesterday (but it was a Monday, soā¦) hopefully today Iām able to make a start on the platform building, or at least put in some time on the rewrites.
Thinking of launching a ābehind the scenesā portion of the site with stats, this journal-blog of emo goodness, writing notes, useful links, personal stats like a reading listā¦ Could be painfully self-involved and tedious, or attract online abuse, which is never fun, or simply be a complete flop, but on the flip side, I do think it would be valuable to have resources like it online.
Itās information that Iād find valuable to have had access to as I started this process, like how Melissa Marr shared details of her experience, what she got paid etc. I canāt imagine following it step-by-step, but then Iām not the sort of person to enjoy reality TV either, so what do I know?
Building connection is a key component of having a strong, supportive following, as terrifying as that is. In many ways, Iād rather take the Lemony Snicket approach to writing and publish under an impersonal pseudonym, a character, but Iām afraid to risk that. I guess I could write under a character or persona, but then that makes this portion, among other things, harder to include without major redactions.
Part 2: And time for those edits!
I will now proceed to pretend that I didnāt just spend the last few hours intending to polish off some freelance posts and instead looking stuff up online.
Onward: Chapter 1!
Tuesday
Start time: 10:45 am & 3:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 61
01 Feb 2016
Made it past the 50K word mark!
As per my earlier goal-setting efforts, this marks the launch of my writing/authorās platform as well as the definitely-over-halfway mark.
And by launch, I mean baby steps towards developing a plan and setting up an online presence.
I was all excited to start sharing content, but then took a step back and decided it would be in my - and everyone elseās - best interest to develop a marketing plan and take things slow.
Also moving away from sharing the first draft in the immediate future, partly on the advice of my wonderfully talented musician friend Rebel, and partly because I keep having ideas that require significant updates/rewrites, and it wouldnāt be fair to share the story with huge inconsistencies and zero cleanup.
Most specifically, the idea of using masks and a more comprehensive burka-type uniform to play up the contrast between the Tower obsessive control (no skin! no touch! no identity! no individualism!), the party scene (masked faces but bare skin, all about self expression and feeling) and the Streets (? masked for environmental safety?), as well as the contrast between Silver/Itri in his seeming vulnerability.
So thatās going to impact a lot of the early, and ongoing, descriptions and interactions. Iād like to go back and dig in a little deeper into the underground party scene too, show horror, excess, art, wonder in a more compelling way.
It would make the most sense to see it through Coleās eyes, but at this point she hasnāt spent much time conscious down there, and can be thought of as an unreliable narrator. Maybe more switching of viewpoints between Cole/Cadence/Victoire? Or setting up stronger characterization down there for someone like the other Morris sister, zeroing in on her experience?
Since Iāve finished my major consulting project and have (in theory) more time, Iām planning to set aside afternoon work/2nd hour work for rewrites so I can continue first drafts in the mornings/first hour and keep moving towards an end point.
Realizing that a lot of opportunities in the UK are sailing by based on my current timeline of a late Spring entry - will end up competing with students for low-level jobs if I go the lifestyle instead of career route once I get thereā¦
But first things first; get a move on with the book, build a platform, hopefully head towards monetizing my writing not too long past when the EI runs out.
Just looked at the end of last week, when I passed the 50K mark, and both of the major works Iāve focused on in the past (YA adventure/fantasy and hard kids fantasy/faery story) have manuscripts of almost 50K, so what Iām hoping to do is launch a platform and advertise a weekly release schedule of a short or single chapter of an original work, and then bounce between the YA and the kids story as a serial-release, with teaser (dream-death) chapter-stories and maybe the odd chapter from this main work, with the intent of sacrificing quality/editing and saleability of the YA and kids stories in favour of releasing fast, entertaining material.
If all goes (miraculously) well, maybe they will make it to publication one day, but in the meantime, Iām willing to sacrifice past work to launch present efforts. Who knows; the world could hate this story and love one of the previous, more childish efforts (but please love at least one of them!)
Since I think itāll take a while to build a plan, build a site, and launch the platform, hopefully I can dig into an effective schedule (sure havenāt todayā¦) and cycle between first draft, rewrites, ancillary works rewrites/edits and platform development.
Getting close; getting scary!
Tuesday
Start time: 12:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 60
28 Jan 2016
Was looking at flight costs to the UK yesterday. I should really plan to leave by May.
Iām not going to be ready.
Not that Iām motivated to move faster or anything. Ugh.
On the one hand, Iām attracted to the idea of writing everything to overblown, adolescent excess: Cole is grievously injured in every halfway-dangerous encounter.
On the other hand, it is kind of overwrought and ridiculous, and necessitates magic-like interventions to return her to operational status in order for the story to keep moving.
Not plotting based off of a timeline is going to be a problem; there are several storylines with different people in different places, and Iām feeling like they donāt line up very neatly at all. Itās looking like the action only takes place over a couple days - less than a week - based on Coleās timeline. But it feels like it should be longer.
Another concern is all the names/identities spinning around. Not only are there a lot of named characters, but nearly everyone has multiple names, if not multiple identities that are used meaningfully, not interchangeably, but are meant to address the same physical existence.
But! There is a good(ish) reason for it! Usuallyā¦
I keep telling everyone Iām not trying to get all artistic and highbrow with this, but then I keep making decisions that are complex instead of entertainingā¦ bleah.
Also, autocorrect is killing me here. Gah.
Thursday
Start time: 12:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Earl Gray tea
Day 59
27 Jan 2016
Still debating how much material to go live with next (?) week. Iād like to throw everything out there, but as a friend pointed out, thereās a risk of feedback inhibiting the direction of the story, or the work being judged in an incomplete state to its detriment. But I donāt feel like I have the time to hold off until Iāve reached full completionā¦
On the other hand, itās a definite concern that I seem to like writing hints, teases and cliffhangers, but I donāt necessarily bring things around to answers in a cohesive, timely fashion. Those endings, thoughā¦ Terrifying.
Case in point; I spend whole chapters with Morris2 trapped in anguished torment, with bare moments of action sweeping in at the last second and then switch focus. Tantalizing or irritating?
In other news, Iāve developed a strong interest in home gin-brewing (or more plainly, vodka-infusing), which has spectacular results, but I cannot find juniper berries anywhere. The horror!
Wednesday
Start time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 58
26 Jan 2016
Finally finished that one huge, boring project for a friendās company and coming up fast on the 50K word mark, which is perfect.
The recruiter for the London job got back to me, which is less perfect, but he was asking about my eligibility to work in the UK, so thereās a chance itās a no-go after all, which would frankly just be easier at this point.
Iāve gotten significantly more focused and productive since New Years, but the idea of going back to an office job is still faintly nauseating. Not sure I can make a living wage freelancing (or writing!), but Iām less and less opposed to trying.
Iām having trouble catching hold of Inspector Hayne5; I feel like I write him differently every time he comes up, which perhaps isnāt surprising, as he didnāt have a strong presence or purpose from the start, and Iām just getting to know him.
At some point here (hint: the endā¦), I should really go back and craft the sub plots by character a bit more carefully, but they just keep emerging and evolving without me having much to do with things.
Itās hard to trust itāll all come around to a neat, tidy ending, never mind an exciting, satisfying or worthwhile one, but thereās no direction but forward for me now. The further we get, the harder itās becoming to hold all the threads and people in my head, so yeah, lotta faith at this pointā¦
Wednesday
Start time: 9:00 am
Location: bedroom
Drinking: Earl Gray tea
Day 57
25 Jan 2016
So, almost made it to a full 2 week/10 day streakā¦
Derailed by a message from a UK-based recruiter about a job in London. On the one hand, it sounds like itād be a breeze, and the money wasā¦ not horrible, though not impressive.
On the other had, it was support-level administrative, which kinda hurts my pride to even consider. One of the great questions of life; is it better to serve and have no responsibility, or pretend to have some power and suffer for the pretence?
On another note, I really need to get a handle on how I should talk about different groups within the story; using āshadowā as an adjective for a people group is getting increasingly redundant and meaningless.
I think Iāll have to take a hard look at the pacing of the intrigue in rewrites to identify when hints vs. reveals should be; itās pretty haphazard at the moment, and even Iām getting confused about what I and the others should know at what point. I think a central misdirection should be the identity or agency of the death - blaming it on dreams confuses the root cause, which is (I think) trapped human souls. Why are they trapped? Who thought that would be a good idea? Are they the big bad?
In many ways, I keep letting everyone be victimized; Maria feels trapped by a bargain with the dead, in multiple senses of the phrase. Ravel is trapped by Maria and his own programming. Cole is trapped by fear, by having been and choosing to be separated from aspects of her own self. Silver mourns the loss of Cole and his own lack of ability to be whole and complete saviour of her, not with her. Morris2 is trapped by her poor past decisions, both for freedom and for safety. The Inspector (whose name I have the worst time trying to rememberā¦) is constrained by his position, and although he doesnāt know it yet, by his family who can be held hostage for his behaviour.
Serov is the only one who isnāt particularly trapped; he chooses destruction for its own sake, because of who he has chosen to be and what he chooses to want, and in that sense is the most evil of the entire cast. He cannot blame circumstances, at least, no more circumstance than constrains everyone else. He simply desires betrayal and destruction, and in pursuing his authentic self, inflicts misery on others.
But a reason for oneās actions does not that action justify.
Wednesday
Start time: 12:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Lonetree Dry Ginger Cider
Day 56
21 Jan 2016
Finally gonna wrap up my biggest freelance project this week, which is timely, since Iāve been saying that Iād start launching my platform at the 50K mark, which should hit next week. Still some writing sources trying to get my attention, but it does take some of the pressure off.
I may try doubling my targets (two whole hours of writing a day?!?) or taking on another story instead, tbd.
Unsure whether itās better to just throw the first draft out there for feedback and beta reading, or to finish the whole thing, circle back for at least a light rewrite, and then share. Iām attracted to the idea of a full-disclosure approach to sharing the experience of moving through publishing start to finish, but I also canāt imagine anyone taking the time or being entertained by wading through that much material, repeatedly, and it may not help the story be successful. Getting close to pulling that trigger though!
In other news, Iām actually fairly pleased with how Maria Ashera came out in Chapter 20 - I think it was necessary to circle back to her for some character building in order for her role to have any significance. Not sure if sheās successfully menacing or intriguing as a villain, but at least it contributed to the plot.
Itās weird how I never refer back to the plot outline, but things keep kind of drawing together in the same direction.
Thursday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Ginger Tulsi tea
Day 55
20 Jan 2016
So apparently the only people who actually do online dating are based out of Algeria and South America. Not so helpful, unless I wanted to write Cole a long distance stalker with poor language skills but much persistence.
Hmmā¦ Actually, I could probably use that somehowā¦ Anyways.
I feel like Silverās ending up as kind of a weird person. If I ever share my first draft of their story, you see this near-godlike heroic figure that sweeps out of nowhere and overturns Coleās life.
But then, Cole started out as quite a different person, in a different world, so I guess it all kind of works. Sometimes Iām sad that that original story will never grow and be told, but then I remember that how I got here was leaning into that story and, on closer inspection, finding out it was this one.
Nevertheless, Silver/Mist/Itri is turning out much less cool and much more fallible than I wanted or expected. Lilyās showing extreme empathy and resourcefulness for her age, which is also worrying.
On the plus side, theyāve got a plan and now I know what to write next, so thereās that.
Thursday
Start time: 11:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Ginger Tulsi tea
Day 54
19 Jan 2016
Day 54
Contains affiliate links. Officially past the 40K word mark!
Iām gonna call that the halfway point (as if I know, lol), but it seems reasonable.
Could be some exciting events coming up as the plot heats up (fingers crossedā¦) and the largest portion of the world building and character-building efforts are now behind us. Which may be a challenge, as I just lost my private workspace. OK, focus. Focusā¦ gah!
In other news, I am stepping up my online dating game to try to get some kind of useful material for this story; having rarely experienced attraction (never mutual attraction, lol), and with no experience in dating, Iām forced to rely on second hand ideas, and Iām afraid that may weaken the emotional impact of Coleās story.
Although, Cole is kind of distant and weird anyways, so maybe itāll be ok? Anyways, Iāll be a good, hard working author and do my best to get the research done, lol. Unless it becomes too much of a distraction, in which case Iāll just crib off of every popular teen romance from the last decade. Hello, Twilight
Tuesday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Earl Gray tea
Day 53
18 Jan 2016
Iām having nightmares about my last job. Shudder.
They called me in to complain that Iād been sleeping on the job and hadnāt produced anything. I woke up at that point, fell asleep again, and spent the rest of the night trying to gather my courage enough to tell them Iād quit half a year ago and they didnāt have the right to blame me for their failures or fire me. lol?
Too scary for this book; Iāll be sure to stick to fog monsters and giant spiders for the deaths around Cole.
In other news, I picked up a cheap Yamaha SV-100 yesterday, rounding out my electronic twinning of instruments. It can keep my Squire Affinity Strat company in the corner until I get around to giving it some more attention. I truly do love making music; I just mysteriously donāt get around to it.
Super-size pile of library books, guilty need to run and keep plugging on freelance projects, and multiple seasons of TV to catch up on will do that to hobbies. Also, my nails are kinda long right now, which looks great in eye-popping nail polish, but doesnāt work out so well for jamming purposes. And my amp is tiny. And my skills are lame-ass. And on it goesā¦
Cole has just reached the end of the latest Freedom arc (without escaping), and Iām 100 words away from hitting 40K. Not sure where to take things; ought to build suspense, but not sure if flipping to another story thread or continuing Coleās progress makes more sense, particularly because Iām not sure the others are up to a heck of a lot at the moment, and Iām getting low-ish on upcoming events notes, but I donāt want to take a break and strategize, or compare schedules, for fear of slowing down the progress.
Should probably cycle back to Silver and Co. next to underline that the latest death was the woman heād recently saved. Cue despair? And the Inspector needs to get out there and be active. Plus all the villains need some fleshing out to actually be worth their existence.
Could Morris2ās sister maybe pay her a visit? Break her out and start her recovery? Plus hint at the existence of the Ravels in the Ladyās chambers? Ought to be enough to go on for nowā¦
Also, must remember to circle back and switch everyone to the same mode in rewrites; flipping between first-present and third-past is seeming less clever the more I do itā¦ but it leaves so much more room for exposition!
What to doā¦
Monday
Start time: 9:45 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Earl Gray tea
Day 52
15 Jan 2016
Contains affiliate links. I just started reading Melissa Marrās Made for You
I got a couple chapters in before I even noticed, proving that it can be done!!
In other news, I just finished Laini Taylorās Lips Touch: Three Times
Pain and beauty are so closely intertwined. I feel so hopeful, although, as always, itās hard not to start comparing and wallowing in my own inferiority.
Got interrupted yesterday, so Iām just about to dive in to the next death scene. Also, realizing the value/necessity of expanding Ravel as a more significant villain; heās sequenced, which opens the door for multiple Ravels fulfilling complementary roles. While Ravel1 is programmed to compulsively undermine the Tower, there could be an army of Ravels serving The Ladyās purposes. Clones? Children? Or does Ravel1 have more going on than he has shown so far?
Must remember in rewrites to circle back and sync up appearance notes, among other things. Also (thanks, Laini Taylor!) must really work on simile as well as metaphor and direct descriptions to flesh out Coleās experience. Although, maybe Melissa Marr can demonstrate better how to do that effectively in first person presentā¦
In theory, it should be possible to use metaphor and simile to illustrate (demonstrate? communicate?) Coleās personality and evolving reality, but as it is, her lack of emotional awareness and depth, not to mention knowledge of the world, really limits the expressiveness that can be attributed to herā¦
Friday
Start time: 1:45 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: hot chocolate
Day 51
14 Jan 2016
Cole is both the easiest and hardest to write. It may be partially the first person present mode, where I find it easier to drop into the story with her than with the others, or it may be that Iāve known her the longest.
That said, Iām ready to be done with her latest stint in Freedom. Victoire is a pain to write, and I have little patience with writing the club - Iāll need to swing back and fix up the descriptive writing later.
In some ways, Iām also a bit fuzzy on where to go from here, which is making it hard to pick up the pace.
Cole needs to escape soon, or the entire plot line will have to shift to her simply getting out of the Tower. There should be just enough space left for her to get out and her and Silver/Itri to doā¦ somethingā¦
Iām starting to expect this to work as a teen dystopian romance-ish thing, rather than an action YA title, which would argue for a love-triangle type set-up where Ravel and Itri are more evenly matched, but the way itās going, Cole doesnāt yet have the emotional capacity and depth to dig into anything more than a slight attraction. Ravel is turning out abusive and manipulative, and Itri is shaping up to be more needy and less heroic than I had first imagined.
Is it better to keep away from the romancy elements than to set up people with no good chemistry? Itri has shown up for Cole a few times, so she should hero-worship him to a certain extent, but anything more than that will be hard to steer. But the story is very caught up in Coleās internal life, her experience and struggles, so it makes sense that it would extend to relationships, based on the probable readership. Iām not sure thereās enough action or horror elements to carry the day aloneā¦
Speaking of which, I think Iāve got a bloody death scene coming up today, which should be interesting. Not feeling it at the moment, but maybe when the time comesā¦
Thursday
Start time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: hot chocolate
Day 50
13 Jan 2016
Day 50! Halfway(ish) there! And I wrote on an away Tuesday for once! Double score!
Gonna keep pushing on with Coleās weird experience in Freedom for at least one more section/chapter, since that seems to be working as a way forward for now. Lotta loose threads dangling, but I guess Iāve got 40K+ words to tie them up with.
How does the Inspector and the Guard fit into all this? Post-escape only? (Probably)
What about Morris2? I canāt very well leave her being tortured for days to weeks, and now that big sister and the family have been introduced, there really ought to be some sort of reunion scene, or at least a tragic almost-reunion.
Thought: would Morris1 work better as a Hayne? Maybe Hayne4? Or is there a role for another Hayne somewhere in here? Should Ravel or The Lady have their own cut scenes to establish character? When will Cadence reemerge?
Gotta keep all the balls tumbling for just a little longer (as in, 3+ months longer, lol.)
Thursday
Start time: 10:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: mint tea
Day 49
12 Jan 2016
Victoire: feeling, sensation.
Cadence: memory.
Cole: being, analytic, remote.
Maybe I just donāt have the capacity to write complex, multi-dimensional characters? I know the multiple personality thing is an overdone trope, a writerās crutch, but it just kinda happenedā¦
And man, is Victoire making things awkward. Not to mention Ravel keeps getting more warped (in a useful way?) every time he pops up. I had thought some of these guys would be more inscrutable, but their weird weaknesses keep floating to the surface too soon. Might need to suppress some of that in the rewritesā¦
Also, this seems to be tipping toward the Teen section more and more; Iād like to keep things pretty PG (at most, 14A), but man, Victoire just keeps pushing that upper limitā¦
In other news, wedding photos are a massive waste of money (sorry aspiring photographers!) and image-crafting has jumped the shark. So ick.
Also, rounding Day 50 and the 40K word mark by the end of this week! Subtracting time spent (wasted?) on planning, plot, early rewrites etc., I seem to be holding steady at an average 1K words/hr for 10K/10 hours or 10K/2.5 weeks. If the target is 80K words minus 40K by EOW, 40K by 2.5 weeks per 10K is 2.5x4, so 10 weeks of work ahead before full first draft completion? That puts me at April, give or take any hiccups (hello vacation slacking!) for completion of first draft. Assuming I can wrap up in 40K more words (am I halfway there? no ideaā¦) and not 60K+ more.
Iād like to think rewrites can be handled quickly and efficiently, but chances are not stellar. At this rate, finishing first draft, thorough rewrites, cool-off period to gain some distance from the draft, beta reading, and submissions should take the rest of the year. I have money coming in until May at the latest. Hmmā¦
Must. Pick. Up. The. Pace.
Thursday
Start time: 10:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: mint tea
Day 48
11 Jan 2016
Cole is in a bad place, trapped and fragmented.
In Chapter 16, a third perspective or expression of self arises fully: Victoire. Itās Ravel1ās manipulation; a counterpart that he forms and guides. Victory, of the Revolution.
But Cole takes this pet name, this label, and unconsciously internalizes it, using it as an escape clause, a doll to pin everything she fears, desires, doesnāt understand. It allows her to stand apart from herself and observe with curiosity, without emotion, without judgement on her core self.
Will Cadence be able to see that? To understand? If Cadence achieves self-awareness, it will collapse the whole construct. Child, drone and idol will collapse back together. Coleās identity will be shaken, or shattered.
But if Cole has the safety and acceptance, the stability to start absorbing Cadence, and even Victoire, to start becoming whole and real, before acknowledging the partitioning of her identity, than she may survive the experience.
Silver/Itri will play a significant part in building that environment of safety and stability around her if he reaches her in time.
I still donāt know if he will or not.
Wednesday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Tulsi/mint tea
Day 47
07 Jan 2016
Itās funny how not-strategic this novel has been, after all my big talk and weeks spent working out plot outlines and summaries, character sketches, my insistence on the importance of strategy in the work worldā¦ I havenāt checked my plot in, what, months?
I did stop and sketch out content for the next few chapters a few chapters ago, which worked well, and I seem to be more or less heading in the same direction as the original plot, although the characters keep developing beyond my intentā¦
When I step away from the work, I worry endlessly about itās tone, pacing, characterization, comparing it unfavourably against everything I read, but as soon as I dive back in, it feels like thereās no choice but to continue what I have begun in the same vein. Maybe rewrites will alter this significantly.
I have this idea that, if I could just pick the best strategy and follow it, Iād be assured of success (sales! fame! more book deals! never going back to the office!), but once I get in the midst of the story, all of that fades away, and I start to wonder: what if this story, told this way, from this perspective, emo, personal, internal before action, what if thatās just what I do, the only thing I can do, the only way I can connect?
Or rather, the only way that this story is meant to be?
Iād like to get to tandem projects, to see if itās more about the way that I communicate, or the way this story wants to be told. Maybe Cole just took over and all of her suppressed feeling and emotion and goopy emo teen-ness is just seeping out. She certainly seems to insist on her first person present voice, despite all my qualms about it.
I mean, really. Who does that? Not to mention, switching tenses every chapter in order to give everyone their own voice and place is looking like less and less of an intelligent choice all the time.
However, it totally doesnāt feel like a choice at all, so thereās thatā¦
Thursday
Start time: 12:15 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 46
06 Jan 2016
The hardest part is starting.
Or maybe continuing.
And finishing will probably be a challenge too.
This should be easy; my life is the most relaxed itās been since preschool. So why am I so stressed?
Too many expectations, too much fear, not enough practice in saying no. Imposter syndrome; someoneās gonna notice Iām a fake and call me out. Or something.
Logic and illogic at war. My head hurts. I think itās allergies; I refuse to accept that itās a cold. So fuzzy. My ears ring.
I might be hugely creative. Or just confused, incomprehensible.
Get more done. Faster. Better.
Have more, get more, do more.
I start a lot of sentences with āorā.
I donāt know what Iām doing.
I know exactly what Iām doing.
Iām done being emo.
Maybe being emo is my only shot at success? Be more emo?
Autocorrect hates āemoā. It keeps changing it to āegoā.
Thereās a lesson in that somewhere. Just be. Just do. Do better. Strategize.
Is success the result of realizing the most natural version of yourself, or calculating and strategizing your way to the top? Does it matter? You only find out in hindsight anyways.
Silver. Heās turning out so different than I expected. In the first flash, he was this invincible, confident hero, sweeping in to save the day. But when I stop and get a proper look at him, heās all twisted up inside with fear and loss and longing. His strength is his difference, but he desperately wants to no longer be alone. Just one more, one more like him, one more to see him behind the glow.
Will he be able to hide it from Cole? His longing? When he shows up for her, can he be the hero she needs? The hero he wants to be for her? Or just one more needy child putting on a show to get attention?
Cadence wants freedom. Cole wants safety. Silver wants to belong. Serov wants to possess. Ashera want(ed) to protect, and now controls. Morris2 wants comfort. Sam and Lily want peace. Bell and Mori wanted love. Hayne5 wants truth. Ravel wants to rule.
But desires shift. When needs are met or left unmet too long, they can change.
Silver wants to protect. Cole wants to save. Serov wants to destroy. Morris2 wants to shield. Sam and Lily want revenge.
Thursday
Start time: 11:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Tulsi tea
Day 45
05 Jan 2016
So.
Christmas is over, New Years is past. Passed? Whatever. My head hurts (unrelated).
2016: the year of the novel.
By the end of this year (well, hopefully, by the end of the first quarter of the year!) at least one novel will be finished (first draft, anyways). Iāll settle for forward motion, but Iād like to get some speed up.
One scheme involves going to my parentās office at least one (or a couple?) days a week to sit in an empty room and get a full day of writing in.
Iām not sure itās possible, but it sounds good, right?
Another scheme involves running two or more projects at the same time, maybe one as a serial for immediate online release. I have most of a fantasy/time-and-dimension travel YA novel done that could be edited for quick release, another kids fairy fantasy with some progress that could go out, and Iād like to work on a historical fiction-fantasy (/romance??) tooā¦
Again, not sure if itās possible, but in that vein, Iām going to push to get through the contract work I have to clear the deck for these projects. At the 50K word mark (of this project), Iāll start building the online presence, and potentially launch the serial, quick-release projects as part of the platform building efforts.
Off to the races!
Tuesday
Start time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Tulsi tea
Day 44
17 Dec 2015
The first snow of this winter is falling outside in big, heavy clumps and my desire to go out for a chilly but beautiful trail run in it is warring with a desire to stay cuddled up next to the fire placeā¦ and my need to get all the things done. Writing. Chores. Band practice. Reading. Netflix. Present wrapping. But snow!
Itās amazing how you can acknowledge that something is messy, inconvenient, uncomfortable, possibly dangerous, and still be foolishly enamoured of its beauty. Sounds like a metaphor for love?
I passed the 30K word count bar yesterday. Limping along towards the finish! Itās mostly a matter of discipline, not inspiration, that holds me back. But now that the wedding is out of the way, the pressure (and sick-churning-ick anxiety) to be productive and a meaningful, contributing member of society is rising again.
I predict that it will become much worse after Christmas, and Iām torn between being as unproductive and self-indulgent as possible until the holidays are over, and dealing with the root of the issue, which is being a leech and a slackerā¦ So yeah, Iāll keep pushing on that word count today!
Possibly the last day of work before the holidays wrap anyways, so might as well put in a good effort!
The way I tell this story seems to be shifting as well; it went from 100% planning to 100% stream writing, linear and straight through chapter by chapter (although not, in the case of this story, linear in real time events), and now itās shifting back again a bit to planning, where I sketch out some events and voices, and then jump between them for a few chapters. Partly thatās probably a side effect of the exponentially increasing degrees of complexity as the story rolls along, and the weight of detail and backstory to balance and integrate.
Pretty unsure about the mystery side of things. I know there are ways to write, well, anything better: mystery, horror, thriller, romance, action, etc. No idea what they are, and Iām entirely to blame for that ignorance, because Iāve made a point of not knowing.
Hopefully that leads to meaningful creativity and not just a boring, unnecessarily complicated mess. Really curious to start getting feedback from others, but, of course, also terrifiedā¦
Thursday
Start time: 11:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Tulsi tea
Day 43
16 Dec 2015
So, my baby brother got married.
It was crazy, exhausting, and perfect.
Nothingās going to be easy for them and I donāt know why theyāre not terrified of all the challenges ahead, but it happened.
How quickly things change. I had to practice saying āsister-in-lawā, and weāre all happy theyāll be gone over Christmas because itās just too soon, too new to have the family disrupted.
I wonder if itās easier when kids get married younger, when you havenāt had as many years to find the balanceā¦
I like to understand things, to work them over and find the meaning, to piece apart people and their problems into neat piles of cause and effect, impulse and motivation. Emotion, commitment, love; so many human behaviours are complex, irrational.
I am afraid that my stories either press for a rigid, block-by-block construction of rational, obvious motivations and reactions, or wallow in contrived mires of emotion for the sake of introducing complexity without understanding humanity.
Or something.
And then I worry that my stories are all navel-gazing and no action, so thereās really no winning.
But it does reflect some of how Cole interacts with her world. She sees herself as separate, apart. She feels that division keenly, although she would never recognize that as a negative, at least not at first. She clings to the familiarity and security of the rules, of Tower Rule, in part because she canāt understand, wonāt allow herself to relate to anything less than that rigidly reliable structure.
If she were able to be honest with herself, if she wasnāt divided between Cadence and Cole, she would admit that the alien in the eyes of the other is terrifying and alluring, that it fascinates her in a way that makes her feel sick inside, feverish. She is like an addict, resisting the call of a drug that she doesnāt remember. It is only the feeling of cold sweat on her skin, the tremors that threaten to show her weakness in the twitch of limb and the quiver of fingers at rest that hint at the terrible strength of that call. Come back, come back to humanity, come back to community, to family, to love.
She doesnāt know it, but her power, her hope, and her salvation lie in the way that the call remains deep within her. She can still hear Cadenceās voice. She actively resists feeling anything, which means that the ability to experience the world as more still remains to threaten her careful balance.
Although she would never admit it, Cole is not incorruptible. Her weakness comes from strength and will become strength that supports many.
Wednesday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: mint tea
Day 42
26 Nov 2015
Got more detail on my paternal great-grandparents yesterday.
My great-grandfather was a Jew who escaped persecution in Romania. We donāt know anything else about his family. If he had any, if they survivedā¦
There are so many untold stories behind the sparse list of dates, locations, births, deathsā¦ Hurts that lasted generations, that sent ripples that have shaped the people I know.
I canāt tell if I want to know the stories, or just create them.
Is it opportunistic to want to gather these details, build that skeleton of truth and rumour, and then clothe it in fantasies and dreams of my own making? But I canāt help making those stories for myself, filling in the gaps. Obsessive.
In other news, boys are stupid, dull, lazy creatures.
Thursday
Start time: 3:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Laphroaig
Day 41
25 Nov 2015
Considering tandem-writing 2 or more booksā¦ Clearly I donāt āwriteā full time, but I donāt seem to do much else thatās productive with all the not-writing time.
Well, not productive in an employable, income-earning sense. Lotta researchā¦
I wonder if I could work at a historic site or museum? Two birds one stone?
Anyways, all my efficient future-forward schemes like freelancing, learning coding etc. seem to just distract and take away from writing, so what if I could get more productive writing time out of myself (reaching here, I know!) by switching stories?
But by that argument, couldnāt I just get the same effect by switching perspectives and sections (hint: apparently not.) Something to work onā¦
Debating between fantasy/historical fic for the next project and teen/adult vs. kids/YA target audience.
Wednesday
Start time: 12:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 40
24 Nov 2015
Contains affiliate links. My sister-in-law to-beās bridal shower is this weekend, so of course planning that is taking all my creativity and mental energies.
Or something.
I spent most of yesterday matching old family photos to our Ancestry tree map with the latest Mr. Selfridge
Rewarding-ish, but not doing much about my productivity anxiety. Am I doing enough? Am I justifying my existence? Is there a point to any of this? Will I ever get published - will I ever even finish a draft?? - or am I just abusing the chance to be lazy for half a year or more??
So yeah, I figure at the very least, Iāve got the artistic temperament down.
Discipline is necessary to accomplishmentā¦ probably.
In other news, the wind has been incredible here lately. I love storms. Wind, rain, the air just before or after rainā¦
Not a big fan of blazing sunshine, but crisp, windy post-storm sunsets? Worth it.
So often, we settle for less. Things that bring joy, wonder, peace, we put those away and draw on lesser things. Small pleasures.
Another fun fact: the nutrition that Tower residents are fed is based on gamer-fuel Soylent
Note to self, do some research on what drugs suppress dreams and make people zombies! Pretty sure thereās anxiety or depression medications with that type of side effect. There must be something out there!
Hoping for at least a little bit of plausibility to the scenario since itās running the border line between SF and supernatural/fantasy.
Tuesday
Start time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Tulsi rose tea
Day 39
19 Nov 2015
My brother is getting married in three weeks. Itās a wonderful excuse for distraction.
It also means that I inevitably confront the questions of good relationships. How does attraction work? What makes a good match? How can people choose to be together when theyāre so different?
I donāt really want to write romance as a main focus of any story, partly because I canāt relate, but questions of attraction, gender-based power and influence, and healthy/unhealthy relationships are surfacing in Coleās story.
It seems to be a key element of human existence; I canāt figure out how to inhabit Coleās world without these threads coming out.
Thursday
Start time: 11:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 38
08 Nov 2015
After sketching out the next few chapters, Iāve distributed the plot outlines across chapter stubs - I feel more drawn to following through Coleās story - partly because I find it easiest to slip into her perspective.
Realizing I need more dynamic characterization, more strong women, more interestā¦
Been flipping through mental lists of great stories and comparing this work unfavourably. For instance, a big cast isnāt fatal - Harry Potter has tons of characters, many of which are beloved and who start out as background but growā¦ but theyāre all interesting.
How do you expose the underlying humanity, uniqueness, fascination of someone? Itās not enough to just tell a storyā¦ or it is, itās just a different approach?
I get caught up in all the different ways to do this. Adventure? Exotic setting? Twisty plot revelations and suspense? Fascinating, quirky or lovable characters? Focused? Broad? Angsty teen navel gazing (I think Iāve got that one sewn up!)? Introspection and self-obsession? Single perspective? Whiplash storytelling where person and place shift constantly?
Getting too focused on the mechanics and not moving forward again, ugh!
So, Iāll step back into Coleās head and watch her world for a bit, see where that goes. The rest can happen in rewrites (? maybe//?)
Part 2
Yikes! Just shifted from a cyberpunk dystopian YA fantasy to a full-blown teen supernatural horror!
The dream death has ties to ghosts - human spirit (any spirits?) trapped by the fog/gold and drawn to human life - dreams, ambitions, hopes, feeling of any type. The hungry dead invading first your mind, and eventually your world as the balance shifts to more spirits per city than living souls!!!
Or something.
Been reading too much Collectors Weekly and Atlas Obscura on Victorian ghosts and spiritualismā¦ also a little loopy from fighting off a cold, or allergies, running, ice cream, gin and Scotchā¦ lol.
But it just felt like suddenly another piece(s) snapped into place. Yes! Ghosts! Not just vague danger, but a clear (??) cause with meaningful ramifications for plot!
Of course, I get way more excited about ideas, concepts, clever angles and struggle with the step-by-step of getting there in Coleās worldā¦ gah!
So wait, hang onā¦ if the true danger is āghostsā, then itās ok to attribute the danger and deaths to ādreamsā through the main playerās perspectives, and save the reveal for laterā¦
Cole/Cadence donāt know. Does the Lady? Ravel? Certainly not the Inspectorā¦ how much does he know? Whatās the accepted narrative for a regular Tower citizen? Administrator? What do the Streets believe? The Deviants? What about the dream walkers?
The references are definitely nonstandard. Gold = evil, Silver = good/holy?? Which side are the ghosts on? Gold doesnāt explicitly work in their favour; it functionally maintains a victim pool (food sourceā¦???) but also is a trap, so do the ghosts have individual agency? Are there good and bad individual spirits? Or just an amalgamated, amoral mass?
Is Silver linked to spirits, like the ghost walkers are connected somehow, inhabited, more open to the spiritual plane of existence? Living on both sides of the divide? Stillborn? Possessed? Ugh, please no. Justā¦ sensitive? Is this turning into a gothgirl fantasy romance??? ughā¦
Thought: Iāve been accused in the past of writing myself as the protagonists. In this case, I think I want to be Itri, not Cole. Strong, solid, unflaggingly focused and otherworldly Itri, not cold, empty, cast-adrift Cole. Itri.
Itri.
Sunday
Start time: 11:45 am & 4:00 pm
Location: couch/living room
drinking: Laphroaig 10 yr
Day 37
05 Nov 2015
So a bit stuck again; did some work on upcoming plot developments that should shape the next 1-4 chapters and also a bit of rewriting to repurpose an initial bit character (Morris2), rather than having to introduce even more named characters - thereās at least 3 more coming up in the next few chapters, and the cast is already huge, soā¦
Plot is surprisingly on target considering how freeform Iāve been with writing - there may actually be a passing resemblance by the time Iām done. Wild.
In other news, still obsessed with history and genealogy research, so thatās eating up lots of time. Iāve got a fair bit of chores and side work that Iāve been ignoring and that I should really clean up for general peace of mind and stress reduction, so Iāll dive into that nextā¦
Thursday
Start Time: 12:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: water
Day 36
04 Nov 2015
Yeah, this is really turning into a teen romance fic, I think. Lots of internal monologue (well, after all, Iām writing the protag in first person present, so what do you expect?) Shaping up to be a form of love triangle, not a heck of a lot of action (well, monsters, gruesome death, revolutions, kidnappings, abuseā¦ so maybe a little action!)
Iām realizing more and more that I may not have any sense of pace or timing. Like, is this slow and boring, or action-packed and engrossing??
Iād really like to start getting feedback, but itās hard to control quality, and I think that would slow down my progress significantly, so Iāll try to keep holding off.
In other news, halfway to the next milestone (30K words), and thereās starting to be some narrative movement and threads coming together, so thatās great!
Havenāt looked at my plot outline in over 10K words, so itās probably a mess, but I think thatāll be a problem for the rewrites stageā¦
Wednesday
Start Time: 9:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: water
Day 35
02 Nov 2015
Uhā¦ so, yeah, three day stretch plus a three week vacationā¦ I can get obsessively immersed in everything except writing or doing work, apparently.
First it was family history/geneology stuff (still going on that butā¦) made it back to 885 on one side of the family, with some guesswork and questionable researchā¦ Apparently descended from the King of Wales and a queen of Mercia (England) if that tree isnāt totally fantasy, lol. Itās like an unending jigsaw puzzle, with unlimited pieces. It goes not only back, but sideways and then down, so itās more like one of those tropical trees that drops down at the end of branches and turns into a whole ecosystem of interlinked life.
Anyways, I canāt tear myself away because thereās always a new route to trace. Itās so addictive. Lots of great, scandalous stories that make me itch to write historical fiction, too. Multiple child deaths in the same year, allegations of improper conduct, cross-class and -national marriages, marrying sistersā¦ great stuff.
Soon after, I also became obsessed with 50s clothing to vintage clothing and undergarments to vintage, retro and historical anything (thanks for sucking days of my life away, Collectors Weekly!) so yeah, I feel like historical fiction could be a future pathway. Maybe fantasy-fusion?
Also, the parents went on vacation, so of course I couldnāt possibly be productive while they were gone, and took my own staycation in solidarityā¦ ughā¦
So many good ideas, so little discipline! But I do appreciate the way that switching up my focus and exploring other interests sparks ideas for me!
Now to try and put them to use!
Monday
Start Time: 12:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: water
Background: leaf-blowers (lol)
Day 34
08 Oct 2015
Yes! Three day stretch!
Celebrating small victories, lol. Gets later by almost an hour every day, butā¦
So the second protagonist made his debut yesterday without me planning it. Pretty mysterious, gives a whole different spin on the world, setting, plot, intentā¦ suddenly, itās not a story about Cole finding herself and maybe escaping the tower, itās a hero tale.
My inner feminist is worried about where this is going. I donāt want him to be a total pushover or a distraction, so he needs to have a strong personality and a valuable part to play, but at the same time, if he does everything for Cole, she loses agency and becomes an object that men control (well, thereās a woman at the top of it all, so thereās thatā¦)
Heās turning out more fallible, less perfect and saviour-like than I had imagined alreadyā¦ a side effect of getting inside his head, I guess, and letting him be human. (maybe he could be an angel or something? solve that problem right off the bat!)
Iāve been switching perspectives with at least some consciousness of the effect - Cole exists in first person present, dreamers exist in first person present (until they expire), everyone else is in a third-person past-tense, more traditional storytelling mode.
Worried this might be jarring in effect, and itās going to be a lot of work to change if I need to, but it feels right to me.
I wonder if thereās something I can do with Coleās character/language here? As she reconciles with her past and inner self (Cadence), the language could shift? But since itās going to be gradual, that would be hard to pull off and not have it just seem like an error.
As it is, her language shift from empirical, experience-based, in-the-moment short declaratives to expressiveness, emotion, imagination, even just vocabulary and sophistication of grammar that developsā¦ that should be a little easier to script (although in first-person, that really limits descriptive options early on.)
Also, Iām sure thereās some emotional impact to introducing (yet another) set of players in the form of the street people (plus, theyāre an integral plot point if we ever get back to the plot I laid out in the beginningā¦ tbd), but they donāt lend themselves to the male protagās voice, and thereās already a worrying amount of dangling threads (the whole cyber-punk implants reference in the care ward scene, for one!)
OK. Quick edits to the last two chapters, and then itās time for another dream deathā¦ either supervisor, street or partierā¦
Letās go with street, to establish the increasing violence and the male protagās role outside of Coleās partner. Then it can escalate to supervisor or partier to push Cole a little bit moreā¦
Thursday
Start Time: 12:15 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 33
07 Oct 2015
10 chapters. Over 20K words and 50 hours.
Still introducing new characters, lol.
I donāt want to lose momentum by stopping and charting locations and timelines, but this is all getting pretty off course from the plot and even the character outlines.
Oh well. Save it for the rewrites.
Apparently Iām not good at strategic writing, things just happen as they happen.
Also, racy much?! This is definitely turning into a āTeenā or upper YA read. I know that Ravel1 was supposed to be dark and manipulative, and Cole needed to start experiencing emotions and independent thought, but yikes, steamy! Making me blush just writing it; canāt imagine how much Iām going to hate letting the beta readers get ahold of this.
Also, the names are kinda awkwardā¦? But they make sense in the structure of the worldā¦
Again, rewrites problems, I guess. Onwards!
Wednesday
Start Time: 11:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 32
06 Oct 2015
Soā¦ sidetracked again!
Errands, trips to Vancouver, distractionā¦ federal electionsā coming up, so I just finished reading the entire Green Party position and joined up. As a creative, I feel the need to back utopian dreams over dirty political maneuvering. Or something.
Also, saw a new film effort, Charlotteās Song, in the Vancouver Film Festival with a friend. Beautiful, but definitely some storytelling gaps that are making me sweat. Trying to do too much, lack of connection with characters, vague storylines and quick changes between setting, action etc.
Sound familiar? Panicā¦
Oh well, no way to go but forward!
Tuesday
Start Time: 10:45 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Yorkshire black tea
Day 31
30 Sep 2015
Iām probably doing a terrible job on the writing side, but it feels great once Iām actually in Coleās world.
Marathoned Holly Blackās latest book The Darkest Part of the Forest
Just keep moving forward, even if itās slow, even if I feel lazy, even if itās possibly terrible and a waste of time.
I could stop, but if doesnāt feel like an option. I couldnāt leave Cole and everyone hanging like thatā¦
I other news, I got a sweet Squier Strat yesterday. So yeah, some motivation there for getting to work and knocking off to-do items from my schedule today so I can start rockinā out. Would be nice to make rock star before the green hair grows out (bleach=boredom).
Wednesday
Start Time: 10:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Yorkshire black tea
Day 30
29 Sep 2015
So yeah, my timelines are not linking up; glad I got on that earlier rather than later! It makes sense to have some overlap between the different storylines to help tie things together a bit earlier on, so I made a point of Cole and Serov with Morris2 in tow running into each other in the elevator, Serov and the Inspector encountering each other in the course of their days, which makes a bit more sense really.
Unfortunately, given the time of death for the Bell Case, in conjunction with Coleās escape from work and nighttime adventures, puts their relative story times at completely opposite times of day. Morris2 would be completely out of the picture by the time Cole skips work (not sure dead or just incapacitated, but certainly not flitting around in public).
Also, I really need to map out at the very least Tower3, if not the Tower complexes and surrounding neighbourhoods, sooner than later. Elevators and stairs up and down are getting a bit tricky, as I keep forgetting what floor I (more or less arbitrarily) have assigned to whom/which activity. I know thereās probably some fact checking on the copy edit end of publishing, but these mistakes mean some major rewriting, since they impact settings!
Iāve started in on a really tight timeline (think minute-by-minute) to try to ground activity in the real world, but it is a slow process, so Iāve only made it a few hours into the story, roughly corresponding to maybe three simultaneously-occuring chapters. Itās been great for really thinking out not only plot, but background information and the mechanics of Tower life. For instance, what time do workers get up, when do they actually go to work, etc? Are there different āshiftsā or schedules for different workers? How does the uniqueness of each person impact their response to the standard schedule?
But Iām also tempted to get caught up in these details and put myself back weeks or months again by planning instead of writing. Iāve been mildly horrified (ok, majorly horrified) to find out there are at least two second-degree connections that have written novels in about a month. Sure, one of them was only 50,000 words, but even so, Iām holding at 15K words in up to 4+ months. Yikes.
In other news, Iāve been obsessed with getting an electric guitar, and have narrowed down my tastes to the (thankfully) budget Squire Strats. So now Iām trying to shove my desire to make arrangements with Craigslisters in order to actually get any work done. Havenāt done any freelancing inā¦ three weeks now? Give or take. Bleagh.
Also, reading Holly Blackās The Darkest Part of the Forest
Go Holly!
Tuesday
Start Time: 11:00 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 29
24 Sep 2015
Iām dreaming of buying an electric guitar. And dabbling with the idea of getting a five-string violin. Everyone else is getting these sweet hollow-body electrics, and theyāre just so much easier to play, not to mention gorgeous!
Of course, it makes no sense for me to be spending money on another guitar (we have 3 acoustics and 1 electric in the house already, not to mention all the other folk & stringed instruments!) ā¦but itās seriously hard to concentrate on anything else right now!
Had a great mini-vacation cat-sitting in Vancouver this week (thanks, Rebecca!), but of course now Iāve had yet another super-long pause in work. The new 12ā macbook is great for typing, however. Regretting ordering those solar keyboards (especially b/c the adaptor to USB-C hasnāt arrived yet and I canāt use them!)
Pretty cool experience in Vancouver catching up with all the relationships and realizing that, despite my angst about group activities, I did end up with a lot of meaningful relationships and discussions. Turns out all the hard work was never about making progress at a career or even helping the church plant launch, it was about making a difference in peopleās lives, helping them encounter Jesus and better live life with and for Him. At some point in the last 3+ years I kind of lost track of that, but it turns out I met all my goals regardless!
So, yeah, fairly gratifying trip. And now I have like three days of music, so thatāll be good too. Must. ignore. guitarā¦ and get this thing written!
Andā¦ Dive!
Nopeā¦ hang onā¦ I think I need another planning session. The timelines and interweaving viewpoints/storylines are getting a little too layered, and I need to anchor them in some real-world logic. (plus, Iām not too sure what happens nextā¦ another dream? Back to Cole? Do I introduce Mist as a character, or keep him as glimpses around the edges of things?)
Thursday
Start Time: 9:45 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Lime Gelato (Davidstea)
Day 28
17 Sep 2015
So~ sleepy~~ Itās looking grey and potentially wet outside, no oneās home, the cats are sleeping quietly and the fireplace is on. Fall allergies have kicked into high gear and all I want to do is close my eyes.
Well, not all I want to do. Iād watch something. Take a bath. Eat. But a nap is highish on the list.
Fascinating; spellcheck doesnāt mind the word highish. I guess I wasnāt the first to invent it. Probably means something totally different, but meh. Force click doesnāt want to look it up for me, so Iāll just let that one go and hope it makes some kind of senseā¦
Word count is over 15K and progressing towards the next milestone (20K) nicely. I think total manuscript (post rewrites & editing) for submission should be around 80K and no more than 100K words, so that means Iāve passed the 10% complete mark, and could be as much as a third of the way completeā¦ terrifying thought.
I have a feeling thereās too much world building and introspection, and not nearly enough action and tension, but Iām going to need great beta readers to really help me nail that down. I feel like Iām only at the beginning of the story, still introducing key characters, environments and premises. But it could be that once the action starts in, the speed will pick up too.
At 15K words in, and about 6 chapters, we have our protagonist, Cole, her boss, her coworker Ravel1 and an increasing number of unnamed coworkers, Cadence, of course, the dead old lady Suzannah with her parents, the two Care workers including Morris2, more significant players in the form of Inspector and Guard (Serov), the dead kid Mori and his parents, and most recently, the Lady Maria. Plus the unidentified presence in Coleās dream, which will turn out to be the male lead. Day 28 Thursday, September 17, 2015 10:30 am couch/living room MacBook (new)
So~ sleepy~~ Itās looking grey and potentially wet outside, no oneās home, the cats are sleeping quietly and the fireplace is on. Fall allergies have kicked into high gear and all I want to do is close my eyes. Well, not all I want to do. Iād watch something. Take a bath. Eat. But a nap is highish on the list. Fascinating; spellcheck doesnāt mind the word highish. I guess I wasnāt the first to invent it. Probably means something totally different, but meh. Force click doesnāt want to look it up for me, so Iāll just let that one go and hope it makes some kind of senseā¦ Word count is over 15K and progressing towards the next milestone (20K) nicely. I think total manuscript (post rewrites & editing) for submission should be around 80K and no more than 100K words, so that means Iāve passed the 10% complete mark, and could be as much as a third of the way completeā¦ terrifying thought. I have a feeling thereās too much world building and introspection, and not nearly enough action and tension, but Iām going to need great beta readers to really help me nail that down. I feel like Iām only at the beginning of the story, still introducing key characters, environments and premises. But it could be that once the action starts in, the speed will pick up too. At 15K words in, and about 6 chapters, we have our protagonist, Cole, her boss, her coworker Ravel1 and an increasing number of unnamed coworkers, Cadence, of course, the dead old lady Suzannah with her parents, the two Care workers including Morris2, more significant players in the form of Inspector and Guard (Serov), the dead kid Mori and his parents, and most recently, the Lady Maria. Plus the unidentified presence in Coleās dream, which will turn out to be the male lead. So 11 named characters and 20+ including unnamed. Of that, about 6 will continue to play a significant part going forward. Probably too much; Iāll have to see if I can trim the NPCs or something in the rewrites. Besides that issue, I have two main concerns. One: is it interesting? Just because Iām entertained by diving into this world doesnāt mean that anyone else will have the patience to go with me. Two: is Cole likeable/are the people compelling? I think there should be a strong emotional connection with the cast, but I donāt have really strong, cool hero types (yet). And on we goā¦
So 11 named characters and 20+ including unnamed. Of that, about 6 will continue to play a significant part going forward. Probably too much; Iāll have to see if I can trim the NPCs or something in the rewrites.
Besides that issue, I have two main concerns.
One: is it interesting? Just because Iām entertained by diving into this world doesnāt mean that anyone else will have the patience to go with me.
Two: is Cole likeable/are the people compelling? I think there should be a strong emotional connection with the cast, but I donāt have really strong, cool hero types (yet).
And on we goā¦
Thursday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Day 27
16 Sep 2015
Contains affiliate links. So I finally bit the bullet and bought a new Mac
Feeling super conflicted about it. On the one hand, yay shiny new hardware! Gotta love new toys!
On the other hand, Iām downgrading to half the storage, significantly less RAM by the numbers, and a 17ā to 12āā¦ thatās a lot of screen real estate. Plus, you know, money.
Already, this is proving to be way better for writing on - Iām regretting ordering those solar keyboards
Have to say, these ābutterflyā keys are pretty rad, though. Also, losing a lot of time to transferring data and setting up a new machine is a fairly dumb move, but hopefully the timing is at least less painful than it might have otherwise beenā¦ Either way, go Apple! Gorgeous tech!
Wednesday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Westlake Seattle Scotch
Day 26
15 Sep 2015
I have a beta reader signed up!
My brilliant east coast friend Christina S., who is just about to move from Vancouver back to her home coast offered to read for me. If I can get a bit more consistent with my writing schedule and keep up with the freelancing projects, Iāll start doing some more coding learning and build myself a site with an official list - in chronological order! - of my superstar readers :)
More good news: WestJet just announced direct flights to London for $200-$300 next year, so when I do get this manuscript polished and ready to go, itāll be quick & cheap to make the move. Sure hope the timing works out to be there for at least a few months before this book gets moving. Itāll be good practice for all the touring (lol).
Wish I could publish anonymously! Like that Lemony Snicket, but with a cooler name, like AVI. KAIE.
What are the chancesā¦?
Tuesday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: White tea - silver leaf
Day 25
11 Sep 2015
So, bite the bullet, get on with itā¦ possible motivations include ducking out on various work that I could/should be doing and really just donāt want to get around toā¦
Some idiot in Kuwait that keeps wanting his copy-written projects edited and adjusted because he couldnāt be bothered to put what he really wanted in the first place.
Like seriously? Iām not your in-house marketing staff; itās piecework, and Iām losing money to your cluelessnessā¦ So yeah, not gonna keep dropping everything to do thatā¦
Also, fun fact in the wonderful world of grammar. Apparently āalrightā is not actually a word, and the correct usage is āall rightā, which looks incredibly stupid on a page, not to mention confusing. Who knew?
More to the point, when are the dictionaries going to catch up to us?
Iām resisting working on the draft, which is generally what happens when I start edging close to plot points and action, and I canāt just float around in the mindscapes of the characters getting nothing doneā¦
Coleās running into the guys, Ravel1 in this case, and my mild horror at writing teen romance is choking my imagination and creativity just when I need to be going full dive. Itās all just soā¦ embarrassing.
I mean, itās one thing to read the stuff, but to write it? To channel/create it? Iāve built my reputation on, like, decades of resistance to foolish romance! But it must happen/is happening, so Iād better get on with itā¦
Oh, Cole.
Sorry.
Friday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Westlake Seattle āScotchā
Soundtrack: Ghost Shipās āCostlyā
Day 24
10 Sep 2015
So I critically lack discipline and focus.
Surprise to no one but me, apparently. The thought of diving in to this is a major deterrent for no apparent reason. I drag myself through the miseries of copywriting without nearly the same level of kicking and screaming, and itās getting harder and harder to beat back money making initiatives to keep doing this.
But. I. Want. To.
So. On it goes.
Friday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: Oldhand Coffee Shop
Drinking: decaf latte
Soundtrack: Vintage ā50s symphonic?
Day 23
08 Sep 2015
Contains affiliate links. So. Two weeks off. I take more vacations than an American princess.
If you ask me what I want to do, what I was made to do, even, itās this. Writing. Writing stories. Creating. Creating this thing that is heart and music and flight and magic. Feeling and being and experiencing everything through my fingers and this screen. Jacking my veins to the machine and just letting it download everything.
Or something like that. But instead, I slouch around all day with petty distractions. Marathoning the first two seasons of Under the Dome
I canāt get anything done when Iām alone, but I get distracted (let myself get distracted) whenever anyone else is around. Iāve dropped out of most of the world, definitely given the finger to adulthood, and for some reason, I still care too much what my freaking family think of me to really commit to just laying around being useless in their presence.
Patterns. Disciplines. I thought I was so disciplined, but my track record of sticking with, well, anything is looking pretty weak. However.
Iām not giving up. Thanks Brian K. Vaughn
No. All of that is bullshit. The real problem is that Iām afraid to full-dive for this next part. Donāt want to let my inner psycho out enough to write the type of twisted crazy that I know is waiting in Coleās world. Or maybe I donāt want to let the outer darkness in.
It was one thing to start relaxing into Coleās icy reality, but sheās only a side effect of the heart of darkness thatās consuming her world. Serovās a direct product, a willing participant. Christ be my lifeline, because I canāt get any further without diving, and Iām not willing to turn and go back.
Friday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Jasmine tea
Soundtrack: Ghost Shipās Costly
Day 22
26 Aug 2015
In typical diva fashion, having anyone else around or anything else to do is proving a major distraction. Thus proving what I want and what I want rarely cohere into a single want at any given time.
I want to be a lazy consumer that splits time between sleeping and imbibing various media.
I want to be fit and social, rocking the stage and investing in relationship.
I want to be disciplined and successful, a hard worker that never quits.
I want to learn, practice and perform music.
I want to be a great (and successful!) writer, focused and productive, creative and artistic all at once.
So my list of āI wantsā is crippling me from ever achieving any of these goals.
Funny thing is, Iām not actually good at identifying and expressing what I want. Iām a little better at figuring out what I absolutely need to do to survive and getting that taken care of.
Writing Coleās personality takes a cue from that. (Spoiler) Sheās been shut down as an individual, and so she isnāt able to access āwantsā.
This is trademark Tower; programming people to be safe by erasing themselves, but it rarely works as completely as it did on Cole. Sheās a model Tower worker. Except sheās not.
Cadence survived, and Cadence carries all the personality, wants and desires that Cole lost, and sheās there to bug Cole about them. Constantly.
Which is a start, but eventually Cole is going to have to learn to dream on her own.
Tuesday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: bedroom
Drinking: Earl Gray
Day 21
25 Aug 2015
This is starting to be exciting.
I feel really good about the chapters written in Coleās voice. The other chapters come harder, but itās starting to be a lot of fun to slip into her world and feel through her.
Intentionally worked out some stylistic rewrites/edits today to keep Coleās voice consistent - portrayed in short, relatively simple sentences and language. Very choppy and broken up, but still indicative of her worldview.
Her personality, needs, motivations are starting to emerge (to some extent, without my conscious participation!), and I feel like there could be a hint of art, or at least craftsmanship starting to come through to my lately-unschooled prose (lol).
Maybe itās a blessing that Iām not fully aware of all the things I should be doing. Iād get bogged down even more than I am already!
Itās cool to see the story, world and characters taking shape, and easier to mould sections that have already been written than to push forward and uncover the parts that havenāt. Iām not entirely sure how to dive into the villains and other characters, probably because Iām not entirely confident in the plot and their roles or characterization. I should just get over it (tomorrowā¦?), since it seems like the story, characters and plot prefer to reveal themselves to me anyways, but it does feel daunting.
Also, days seem too short. I write for a couple hours, and then intend to get back into it, but by then thereās something else that needs attention, or someone else, or just low-level distractions. If I could only focusā¦
But as Cole is finding out, sometimes you have as much freedom as you let yourself have!
Monday
Start Time: 10:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: coffee & tonic on ice
Day 20
21 Aug 2015
I canāt sleep (too much coffee?), and Iāve been writing lines in my head, so I may as well get them out. The world rotates a bit when I move, but thatās perfect.
Iām going to write the trip through the darkness and the flying/falling dream thatās Coleās first brush with the dream death. Ideally suited to the small hours of the night and silent darkness.
Although, Iām really channeling emo for thisā¦ could be too much!
Friday
Start Time: 2:00 am
Location: kitchen table
Day 19
19 Aug 2015
Broke my winning pattern today; selling (more) furniture on Craigslist, and not getting started first thing really throws me off, apparently. Start the week strong and trail off towards the weekend seems to be the plan of choice.
Despite that, I feel like Iām starting to really settle in to this and make progress. Cole is developing, the story is going off in weird directions, and everything is right in the(ir) world.
The experience of exxploring and discovering places and things (and people) you didnāt expect is better than pretty much anything. Like some sort of VR game, but smoother, more tailored to you. I think itās part of why people write fanfics, to spend time with beloved worlds and people.
Not that I approve. The idea of someone writing fanfics about my world and my people is horrifying, lol. At least wait until after Iām dead!
Also, this coffee mixed with tonic is brilliant! Worth the crowd and spending a weekās (freelance) pay!
Iām worried about the length of my writing - Iāll hit 10K words by the end of the week (fingers crossed), which is more than 1/10 of the way if I follow the general industry guidelines (and I shouldā¦), and thatāll only be 5-ish chapters and hardly any real action yet!
Although, with worldbuilding, establishing characters and all, it probably takes more text to set it all up than it does to write action. Maybe? Hopefully?
I donāt feel in control of this thing at all, which on the balance may be a pretty good thing, lol.
Wednesday
Start Time: 3:30 pm
Location: Oldhand Coffee Shop
Drinking: Coffee tonic (+ Skolebrod)
Soundtrack: Epic Film Scores
Day 18
18 Aug 2015
Trying to get serious about this now (although Iāve been trying for a while now, butā¦) with regular schedule and a greater amount of effort/time. Three hours solid & in a day is the record so far! Also about 2K words in 3 hours seems to be an average pace for first drafts.
Itās hard not to immediately start in on rewrites of existing work when I look at itā¦ so much opportunity (need!) to expand, layer, deepen.
Cole snapped from an idea into a character for me last week, and thatās really providing the impetus to move forward now. Iām writing in first person present in her voice, which feels pretty good, as I get to track along with her and experience the story firsthand.
However, I kind of feel itās not very sustainableā¦ I keep slipping into past tense and struggling with keeping verbs in the right form. It does lend a sense of immediacy, but I wonder if it will read as too self indulgent or juvenile?
Also, I had been planning to put the ādreamsā in first person present and write the rest of it in third to set them apart, so I lose that angleā¦ I think there will be third person (present? past?) sections where action goes on outside of Coleās experience, although I feel like Iāve been told that breaks some sort of writing rule. Pretty sure Iāve seen other authors do it though.
Still very distracted by the desire to start sharing this work too early and building a following (prima donna much?!), and also by the pressure to start back in on moving forward with life plansā¦ training, work, moving to Scotlandā¦
Which is maybe good, since it pushes me to get a move on with this piece.
Tuesday
Start Time: 10:15 am
Location: bedroom
Day 17
17 Aug 2015
Contains affiliate links. I really want to get the other pieces moving. Set up a platform, start getting beta readers and fans, lol. Submit for peer review and get some feedback on the direction and tone. But Iām trying to gloss past actually writing the freakinā thing. I need to accept that first drafts arenāt beautiful, or even that compelling and just get it all out on a page.
Trying hard to shut down the part of me that wants to reengage with a career, start planning next steps and tracks to takeā¦ I want to do this, even when I donāt want to do this. I think.
I may be overcomplicating things (including the plot and the characters!), but I donāt seem to be able to stop myself, so I guess Iāll just need to turn that into a strength.
Watched The Maze Runner
I want to tell a story, build characters, but getting a tense plot with nonstop action and mind-bending twists, upping the ante continuously? How do they even do that?
Maybe on the rewritesā¦
Monday
Start Time: 10:00 am
Location: bedroom
Day 16
13 Aug 2015
Just getting out more details based on the new direction.
Thursday
Start Time: 10:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 15
12 Aug 2015
Contains affiliate links. Reading Edgar Allen Poe
Not sure if Iām too detached, or if itās just terrible writing, but Iām not getting the fear response Iād like for the ādream deathā sections. So far, not finding Poe as helpful as Iād hoped. His work is merely tedious, although a series of essays accompanying one of my reference books is helping unpack some layers for me.
Looked into website domains, but .web apparently is not a real top level domain, and kaie.com, .ca etc. is already taken. Not sure when to try to start building a platform - sooner than later would be good, based on how much time/effort it takes to get things up to a reasonable level, but if thereās no quality or quantity, it wonāt grow eitherā¦ and itās a drain of energy and resources that I should really be investing in the writing itself (no patience at all!)
Found some good peer review and author sites; Iād like to give youwriteon.com a shot, but I know the feedback is going to kill me, and Iād like to polish up (or at least finish writing!) the first few chapters first.
Part 2
Funny how your brain keeps working along in the background. Reading Edgar Allen Poe to try and pick up some technique (yeah, probably not working), but it gave me this great angle for my protag.
William Wilson
Kind of wanted to open with a death dream for dramatic effect, but I was worried about leaving the protagonist a minimum of three chapters inā¦ could be hard to connect when youāve already tried to attach to two characters who are killed (shown or implied). Maybe damages readerās trust?
Wednesday
Start Time: 6 & 7:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 14
11 Aug 2015
So apparently Iām getting in all my vacation at once before I startā¦?
Just over a monthās hiatus to pack and get moved out of Vancouver to the Valley. My level of discipline is pathetic by any standard; I get worn out by selling things on Craigslist!
Even after weeks of nothing much (lots of Netflix!), it was brutally hard to get back into this. How can there be stories boiling in me and yet the thought of opening the file to start typing makes me mildly nauseous? So bizarreā¦
In other news, Iāve been trying to get set up as a freelancer, and wow, is that ever a pathetically low-paying enterprise! The writing is both boring and shockingly challenging, the transcription painfully low-paying - think $3 for an hour! - with demanding standards, and anything even remotely classed as āskilledā unattainable without significant qualifications and experience.
I have no intention of sinking hours into that enterprise, but I had hoped that it would provide better support with less effort, as I clearly cannot manage to write while holding down a more demanding job!
Ah the life of an artist! (lol)
Tuesday
Start Time: 11:15 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Black mint tea
Day 13
27 Jun 2015
So apparently the crippling fear that one has no skills nor talent to speak of is a spectre that haunts all writers. Iāll make a point of trying not to make that a subject of ongoing thought, as it doesnāt seem to be particularly productive.
Starting to get more into the story, which is already taking a on a life of its own just 5 pages/1 chapter/2.5K words in. My character profiles are slipping and turning, and all my best intentions to write clearly and intentionally are fading into a swamp of decidedly purple prose.
However, every time I reread my draft so far, all I do is expand on it. The editing is going to be a nightmare, but the story and characters are starting to take a hold of me.
Iām starting to see it all; the cold, utilitarian insides of the tower, severely antiseptic, the shapeless uniforms designed to conceal form and dull interest, contrasted with the sturdier, more functional uniforms of inspector and guard.
Itās turning much more sci-fi than I ever intended, advanced technology sprouting up where I had expected to find magic, but I canāt seem to get rid of it. Iām sure my heart will be cut out when we get to the editing stage, as Iām losing nearly all objectivity.
I can feel it draining away, being pushed to the edges of my mind as the story and the world expand and take form. It feels more like discovery than creation.
Perhaps all true creation does.
Saturday
Start Time: 1:30 am
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: earl gray
Day 12
26 Jun 2015
Gave notice on my Vancouver rental suite yesterday and spent the day registering and sending in samples to freelance sites. My first 150 word article (?) was rejected for not being what the buyer wanted; my rating is 3/5. If he had accepted the article, I would have made less than $2. So yeah, not the most productive or fulfilling day.
Starting to wonder if I have any objectivity regarding my own writing abilities; am I just deluded and self-satisfied with objectively inadequate skills?
Thatās enough emo for today. Going to churn out some content and hope Iām the next big thingā¦
Friday
Start Time: 1 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: tea
Day 11
24 Jun 2015
Officially starting to tell people Iām moving in with my parents, staying unemployed and writing a novel. Encouraged that everyone acts so excited, and mildly horrified. Itās probably good to have the incentive to keep pushing forward, since everyone will keep quizzing me on the progress.
Finally dived back in on that first chapter yesterday. Iām maybe a third of the way through refining the plot, and going a bit stir crazy. After dinner yesterday, everyone was just drifting around and it just happened. Over an hour of pushing, and probably would have kept going another half hour or more except for the distractions at home, so thatās encouraging. I really need to get more efficient at this!
Iāll revise and expand today, but Iām sure the writing quality wasnāt stellar. Overly wordy and dense with a drastic excess of adjectives and adverbs in a sophomoric attempt to be descriptive and atmospheric.
So pretty much my usualā¦
Also getting suspicious that my first-book plot is more like a few books worth of plotā¦ but possibly thatās where the editor refining bit comes in.
Seems tragic to be trimming down, when all I think about right now are things to add, expand and flesh out. Considering writing and releasing character backstories as short stories/teasers so as to have something to post online to drum up interest without releasing the full novel manuscript (and then having to admit how low my fanbase is!) ā¦but of course, thatās more distraction from the core goal of producing an interesting story.
Wednesday
Start Time: 2:30 pm
Location: Oldhand
Drinking: Peppermint Iced Tea
Soundtrack: soft alt
Day 9
22 Jun 2015
Contains affiliate links. Not the earliest start ever, but here we go. Monday. A fresh start. A new challenge to suck it up and be productive.
Flipped through the Agents section of the 2015 Writerās Market
Which is a bit ridiculous, since Iām quite familiar with the corporate world and the hostile language used to weed out the pretenders in that arena. Seemed that attending writersā conferences to meet agents was a requirement for the better agents. Blech. I think that would be a great way for me to waste money and feel inadequate about my lack of assertiveness. Will likely go the self publishing route before taking that step, but who knows?
Part 2
Doing some cleanup on the computer; copy content to Google Drive using Google docs, clean up plot and character profiles, maybe settle on some names?
Research: word counts. I think my target is 65-95K, lower is better for YA, but sf/fantasy trends on the higher range.
Since my plot alone is 4K+ right now (at about 5 hours of work), it might be reasonable to assume that 1hr = 1,000 words of raw content, so 65-95 hours to write the thing?
Not sure how to average in the proofreading, rewriting, editing. .5x? 3x? 5x? At 5x, that looks like about 400 to 575 hours until Iām ready to hit the query stage. Assuming an average of 3 hours per weekday (15hrsx week) thatās 38 weeks or roughly 10 months.
In other words, a year wouldnāt be unlikely. Assuming it takes another year of concentrated effort to get through the publishing process, and a third year to get another story far enough along for an advance, initial contract should be minimum $150K and closer to $300K? Advances range from millions (yes please!) down to the $3K range (or negative sums for the self publishing route!)
If the first time authorās book is seen as a potential bestseller, $500K seems to be the low end of the target. However, the pressure to perform is high; if the book doesnāt make up and exceed targets, youāre going to be stuck self-publishing or getting out of the gameā¦
Monday
Start Time: 11:00 am & 2:00 pm
Location: Abbotsford Public Library Garden & couch/living room
Soundtrack: Epic Film Scores
Day 8
18 Jun 2015
I need a villain.
Thereās a mystical evil force, a shadowy government conspiracy, a charismatic and twisted rebel leader and a crappy middle management bossā¦
Come to think of it, Iām pretty sure Iāve never written a villain, well or otherwise. Kinda afraid of going there, really. The heart of darkness and all that.
Where can I bury a criminal mastermind in the cast? Are they there masquerading as good or neutral from the start? Or hiding to be revealed in glimpses or just near the end?
The perfect villain is almost as key as the hero, maybe even more so. Sauron. Voldemort. Darth Vader.
Crap, pretty much no idea where to start.
ā¦In other news, Iām taking steps to disengage from Vancouver and enter self-imposed exile in Abbotsford (the small, uncool city in the region) to save money and fund this enterprise.
Thursday
Start Time: 11:30 pm
Location: couch/living room
Day 7
16 Jun 2015
Contains affiliate links. Making some progress on names; I think all the gifted need a āstarā name, as well as a common name from birth, heritage, alias etc.
Some good things coming out of the profiles; physical appearance reflecting some meaning, impacting plot more than I expected. Itās hard to think critically about these things; it kind of feels like information aabout plot and characters emerges from somewhere else, which makes it weird to refine, and Iāve never been great at making choices.
So many variables!
But Iām pleased with the progress overall. Not getting as much done in my days as I expected or hoped for, but not terrible either. Getting awfully close to needing to lay down some actual writing and not just scoping out details, which is building anticipation and also suppressed terror.
Fun issue; my bluetooth keyboard likes to repeat characters regularly, which is going to make for significant rewrites.
I think my casual lifestyle is agreeing with me though. Iām starting to look more like a healthy person, despite my dissipated lifestyle!
Part 2
Not sure Iāll make it to the third time today. Watched Home
Iām gonna need to find someonne to push me on the characterization and plot. It seems kind of crazy to have to do all that before even getting an editor, though. I guess you need to have a story established far enough that it stands out from the crowd, but sheesh.
Itās tempting to think I can put together a really compelling pitch and bring in an editor early, but on the other hand, donāt want to burn through all the good agents by taking a chance on an incomplete manuscriptā¦
Ah the life of a creative; overwhelming hubris and crushing inadequacy~~
In other news, still tiptoeing around diving into the actual writing of this thing. I think thatās more of an at-home, big(ger) chunk of time endeavor, but I could just be being a diva about it tooā¦
Guess Iāll keep building out character profiles until the stars align.
Tuesday
Start time: 12, 1 & 5:00 pm
Location: 33 Acres Brewing, Elysian Coffee & The Buzz Cafe and Espresso Bar at Harrison Gallery
Drinking: 33 Acres taster: Life, Sunshine, Euphoria and Fervor (Life is bitterest, no surprise. Shoulda tried Nirvana), Nitro Cold Brew & Genmaicha
Soundtrack: Retro Soft Rock/Pop? Crosby, Stills & Nash
Day 6
15 Jun 2015
Time to get serious. Vacation is over! (-ish) now into the fourth week of freedom(?)
I seeem to currently have a creativity cap of about an hour, but Iām going to need to find aa way to disengage, and then dive in again at least a few times each day in order to make this at all viable. Should be doable, considering there are a number of other projects to work on, from playing music and learning instruments to launching a business, certifying on some software, even just getting my EI application in and picking up some freelance gigs. Gotta pay those bills or move home, stat!
Although, getting started in the morning may have been a flukeā¦ Planned CrossFit session turned out to be a free day, so taking advantage of the change of plan.
Amusingly (predictablyā¦) my nice line by line point form plot outline turned into long form paragraph mashups without my noticing sometime in the last week.
Now Iāll probably have to clean up with a rewrite before Iāve even taken a stab at a first chapterā¦
Letās see if I have any creativity to spare before noon!
Part 2
New record, two in one day. Did a very little bit of research on the publishing process, most of which supports what I already knew. No real money to be had in Canadian publishing (market the size of Californiaās). Manuscripts should be not only complete, but well rewritten, edited and polished prior to submission. Iām gonna have to commit to this thing, and not just for a little while, in order to make it work. No real connections, no lauded background, and a bit of childhood praise to run on. Good thing my fatal flaw is pride.
Made it to the end of the plot outline, kind of. Reviewing what Iāve got so far, I think it could go to a sequel or trilogy at least, with a kind of soft resolution/off to the next stagee of training ending to the first novel. But I need to do some research on what apprropriate/preferred book lengths are for my genre and age group (and pin those downā¦. and figure out how much I actually can write/will write place against plot pointssā¦yikes) - and then I need to revisit that plot, chart it step by step against tensionn and reveals, maybe get some advice on what to include? And of course, at some point Iāve got to sit down and start actually writing the stupid thing. Should also plot out an alternate ending in case it doesnāt get picked up for continuation. In the meantime, Iām gonna take a beat to work on some character profiles, which at this point is an element Iām not too confident about.
Part 3
Just breaking records today; heading towards a three hour peak!
Definitely feeling like I need to get serious; I spent a very brief amount of time looking at bank accounts, applying for EI, browsing contract, temp and part time gigs as well as some corporate stuff.
Verdict: itās easy to spend money and hard to make it.
Iām having trouble with the character profiles. Possibly because I donāt have a history of liking people much?
Canāt even decide on a name. Research project for some other time, I think.
Other writing-related projects; get this up on a blog, map out all necessary character names, split out my warmup notes from plot from chapter summaries from character profiles from notes and create backups in another program besides Notes in case of program failure.
Things I should get done in my downtime from creative production, which somehow slips by at a rate roughly four times that of office work.
Astounding, that.
Monday
Start time: 9:30 am, 5:30 & 10:30 pm
Location: Matchstick Coffee Brewers & Our Town Cafe, Kingsway
Drinking: Celinga roast, Bancha & Cranberry Apple Iced Tea (+ gluten free coconut key lime bar) & Los Sietos Mezcal
Soundtrack: vintage, mostly rockabilly
Day 5
11 Jun 2015
So. 28.
Coming up to the end of the third week of being free (unemployedā¦) and itās about time for the vacation to end. If I canāt start producing next week, I need to start hunting for a ārealā job.
Scared by all possibilities; pursuing my dreams (is this even my dream? Do I have dreams? Ironic, considering the topic of this novel), going back to the grind and discrimination of the corporate world, scraping by with part time, starting my own ventures, moving back homeā¦ still too much out there.
Which means break it down and do small, short things. Like making it out to a coffee shop to write for an hour or two. Or rather, strategize plot. Not sure when the last time I actually wrote was. Not sure if I can bring any skill to it, or if it will all remain pathetically awkward and juvenile.
While the fame and fortune (mostly fortune) of being the next Stephenie Meyer is appealing, my pride needs to produce at a higher level of skill. But fear isnāt worth putting this off for any longer. Iāve been running long enough, and I donāt think I need to wait until Iām 50 to create.
Although I could be wrong; I certainly thought I was ready at 20, and that didnāt go anywhere at allā¦ Iāll probably cave to the pressure to succeed based on what I think everyone else cares about. But until I canāt take it anymore, Iām gonna keep playing novelist.
Went through a stack of kids and YA fiction this week and wrote down all agents and editors listed in the acknowledgements and authorās notes sections. Wonder how much I have to have together before I can/should start chasing down the business side of this venture? Clearly more than I have now, but itād be nice to know if I needed to be prepared for months to years without knowingā¦
Monday
Start time: 11:30 am
Location: Oldhand Coffee Shop
Drinking: Macchiato (+Skolbrod)
Soundtrack: Canāt tell; itās almost lunch time and the shop is packed. Buzz is better than a quiet room with limited conversationā¦
Day 4
08 Jun 2015
So first week: 3 days of writing, maximum of two hours in a sitting.
Not great, but not terrible for being half on vacation.
However, hours of doing nothing (Netflixā¦) donāt seem to be contributing to great creativity and midnight productivity as I had first assumed. Must find some other way of spending my days that doesnāt involve creativity or occupying my brain too greatly.
Solution: went out of town for the week to my parentās place.
Pros: people to talk to all (/most of the) day, free food and entertainment, cats, air conditioning, no screaming, thumping children, less ability to lay around watching tv all day.
Cons: Abbotsford, full days with little time to be productive, +5 degrees heat or more.
Theyāve offered to let me move home to conserve funds while I play author. Time to find out if I can survive that life, or if itās back to the desk for me.
Monday
Start time: 3:00 pm
Location: Oldhand Coffee Shop
Drinking: Cortado (& free (!) blueberry earl gray scone!! Thanks guys :) )
Soundtrack: Soundtrack 70s/80s poprock
Day 3
03 Jun 2015
This journaling as a warm up thing seems to be working for me, if only because Iām too stubborn to ruin my record. Thatāll probably fade off eventually.
More success today; watched tv/read webcomics for less than half the day (more like a thirdā¦), ate some vegetables, cooked real food, dabbled in business planning like a productive(ish) member of society. Thought (briefly) about working part time. Took a quick run.
I need to ramp up to more than a two hour daily writing cap in order to get anywhere, though. I donāt think I have 8-10 hours of creativity or attention to detail in me, but I should be able to eke out a solid 4-6 eventuallyā¦ (right? right??!)
That translates to about two chapters worth of synopsis, or a page or two of actual solid writing (assuming I can still do that).
Bonus points; yesterday I had a bath after working on chapter-by-chapter synopsis, rallied, and managed to point-form plot structure my way through maybe the first quarter to third of the novel. - thatās 20ish chapters! This could work after all!
Itās been a while since I really put much time into researching the publishing world, but last I heard, novelists these days tend to submit the plot and a writing sample to agents/editors rather than sending the whole manuscript. I wonder if sending a CD/USB has gone into vogue yet, or if itās still all paper copy? That seems archaic and wasteful, but whateverā¦
Iāve considered self-publishing or serially publishing too, but I think it takes longer to see profit, and the quality suffers dramaticallyā¦
Wednesday
Start time: 11:20 pm
Location: couch/living room
Drinking: Balvenie
Day 2
02 Jun 2015
Iām still exploring my new lifestyle. It feels like hitting reset, and not entirely in a good way. More of a āI kind of hope this file was saved recently and can be at least partially recovered, assuming I decide to go back to itā sort of way.
Which is to say, I didnāt trust my discovery yesterday that writing must be done outside the house and/or I donāt want to pay for writing space at this stage of the game. Thus, I spent the last 12+ hours watching TV and thinking about the possibility of going to the gym/going for a walk/moving off the couch/writing.
At 9 I finally rolled off the couch for a run. Now here I am, with the laptop open and most, if not all distractions temporarily silenced. Still panicking about the state of my life. Still bizarrely drawn to the idea of giving life to this story.
I donāt seem to have the ability to sketch out a plot in short form, but I did develop a synopsis of the first two chapters. This could take a while to build out the whole story. And Iām not too confident that I can frame up the whole thing and then go back and write to my own script.
Experience would seem to say that Iāll choose a different direction every time I dive inā¦ But itās a step forward from writing blind and getting lost somewhere in the first third of a story. And I feel like the concepts and structure are fairly solid right now.
Considering prologuing or alternating each chapter with a ādeath by dreamā for dramatic effect, at least for the first portion of the book. Too much? Could be good in a thriller/horror/mystery setup where I tease out the protagās involvement.
Itās been 10 minutes. Time to review/revise (ācause I canāt help it) and get another couple chapters plotted out. General notes page is still filling out with concepts and conceits, albeit a bit slower now. Should (hopefully!) start to gel soonā¦
Tuesday
Start time: 10:00 pm
Location: armchair/living room
Drinking: Laphroaig 10yr with a dash of Islay spring water
Soundtrack: dishwasher and unidentified electronic buzz. The upstairs folks are unusually silent; expect intermittent thumps, shrieks and heavy objects dragging
Day 1
01 Jun 2015
Iāve been āfreeā from my corporate analyst job for exactly one week.
I turn 28 in a week tomorrow.
Mild panic fizzes through my dreams and churns while Iām awake, motivating me to do exactly nothing. I could go get a high-powered, highly paid corporate job. The thought fills me with dread.
I could move overseas; Iāve wanted to get back to Scotland ever since I visited in university. But Iād still have to work the dreaded office job.
I love the prestige, the money, the status of being a talented working professional. I hate the hours at a desk, the dress code, the meaninglessness of everything you produce, and the drama with which all workers fill their experience as a form of punishtainment.
So Iām going back to the beginning. I was a writer as a teen. A melodramatic, self-absorbed, clueless writer, but everyone has an awkward phase. Now Iām equal parts hopeful that I can find my way back to the unstable artist inside and terrified that Iāve let the talent decay to nothing, or worse that there never was anything there to begin with.
I know there are precious few authors that are self-supporting as novelists, and for whatever reason, thatās the only type of writer Iād ever consider being. Possibly because the stress of my prima-donna writing style and artistic obsessiveness is too much to dive in and out of business or academic writing. Probably mostly because I hate criticism, constructive or otherwise.
Also: I learned today that I have no capacity whatsoever to write at home. Ironic, since I hated going to the office everyday, but I spent two hours today walking in search of somewhere to write, after three pretending to be just about to sit down and write (while watching TV, responding to emails, making tea and handling general correspondenceā¦.)
So this may turn into a bit of travelogue and drinkerās diaryā¦ Note: the Multiweizen was pretty good. Black Light tastes like ash, in a pleasant, heavy way. Roughly 6oz in, Iām just starting to feel the pleasantly floaty buzz. Watch the incoherence mount!
Iāve never dated. Hardly ever even come close. There are lots of reasons and no reason why. I wonder if I can write a good romance? Maybe an entirely imaginary romance is superior to a realistic one? Iāll proceed on that assumption for my own peace of mind.
I feel like romance is a fundamental part of life and thus a necessary component in nearly all stories. I think Iāll write YA novels. When I was a teen, I wanted to write childrenās books; now my characters are really 20-something, but I think I can shove them back to their teens - the movies do it all the time, after all.
It might be a problem that all my characters track along with me. Iāve been accused of writing protagonists as myself in the past. Iām going to try not to this time, but of course you can only write perspectives that you can imagine.
I made a point of going out to experience life, meet people, try to understand. I guess now Iāll find out if Iāve captured my world believably, or at least in an interestingly warped way.
Today is a planning day. Itās tempting to just jump into the story and start writing, letting the characters and world lead me, but Iāve never reached the end of a story that way.
This story is a bit different. Itās set in Vancouver, and has elements of sci-fi, fantasy (maybe?), and horror, or at least thriller. It was very clearly a fantasy romance (or paranormal romance?) originally, but Iām wondering if that will still crop up, at least the same way.
On the one hand, it seems to sell right now. On the other, I seem to get more feminist every year. I may be at risk of finding answers through my own writing. Iām not sure I care.
Also, either this keyboard is not the best shape for me, or the 12oz of beer is starting to catch up to my typing.
Not a fan of the No Brainer pre-prohibition style. Which means Iād better down it next to get it out of the way.
Anyways, Iāve got a page or so of world-building notes around a sort of post-apocalyptic/alternate world Vancouver where dreams take on form in order to destroy dreamers. The idea was initially a bit Godzillaesque; nightmare monsters stalk and kill people. They emerge from the mists, fogs, shorelines, anything borderline really. Think giant spiders. A hero swoops in with the ability to cut down these monsters, and the protag falls in love.
Pretty cut and dried. I started fiddling with some light and dark fairies, abandoned children at local monuments, trying to get it to tie in to an idea Iāve had for a while about an X-Man style superhero team where every member is a mythical/fairytale creature that transforms. No idea if itāll go there or not now.
On the one hand, I donāt think the tone matches. Kind of like the original The Vampire Diaries novels when it jumps the shark and starts going to other worlds (dimensions?) and Japanese monsters attack?
On the other, I have no idea who the antagonist is or where the plot goes without these items. Iām looking at something more nebulous (horroresque?) nowā¦ like every dream, good or bad, has the ability to take form, warp and drive the dreamer to madness and death. Anything that might contribute to a dream (sleeping, daydream, ambition etc.)
So society is crippled, all art, music, architecture, opportunity, fantasy is outlawed and human lives are regimented in order to try to keep people from dreaming. Childhood and adolescence is likewise abolished.
Of course, human beings being as they are, a fatalistic underground movement simmers.
Itās been nearly an hour and Iām nearly through my beer. Itās time to go take a stab at roughing out the plot. Wish me luck!
Local shout-out: Brassneck at 5th&Main has been a nice, quiet location. Interesting beer and nice snacks. On the expensive side for a poor writer; spent close to $20. The Viognier Changeling is excellent, for those of you in the area. Hmmā¦ Coincidence?
Monday
Start time: 2:15 pm
Location: Brassneck Brewery
Drinking: 4-flight taster (No Brainer pre-prohibition style corn lager, Multiweizen five grain weisse beer, viognierās changeling sour fruit beer with viognier grape must, black light black alt beer) and Maui beef jerky
Soundtrack: vintage prohibition instrumental? Sounds like itās alternating between smooth Hawaiian slide guitars and horns, and the Sleeping Beauty soundtrack.
Post Index
Day 221 | 20 Jul 2017
Day 220 | 19 Jul 2017
Day 219 | 18 Jul 2017
Day 218 | 17 Jul 2017
Day 217 | 14 Jul 2017
Day 216 | 13 Jul 2017
Day 215 | 12 Jul 2017
Day 214 | 11 Jul 2017
Day 213 | 10 Jul 2017
Day 212 | 04 Jun 2017
Day 211 | 03 Jun 2017
Day 210 | 02 Jun 2017
Day 209 | 01 Jun 2017
Day 208 | 31 May 2017
Day 207 | 30 May 2017
Day 206 | 29 May 2017
Day 204 | 26 May 2017
Day 203 | 25 May 2017
Day 202 | 24 May 2017
Day 201 | 17 May 2017
Day 200 | 16 May 2017
Day 199 | 15 May 2017
Day 198 | 13 May 2017
Day 197 | 12 May 2017
Day 196 | 11 May 2017
Day 195 | 10 May 2017
Day 194 | 08 May 2017
Day 193 | 03 May 2017
Day 192 | 02 May 2017
Day 191 | 02 Apr 2017
Day 190 | 01 Apr 2017
Day 189 | 31 Mar 2017
Day 188 | 30 Mar 2017
Day 187 | 29 Mar 2017
Day 186 | 23 Mar 2017
Day 185 | 22 Mar 2017
Day 184 | 21 Mar 2017
Day 183 | 20 Mar 2017
Day 181 | 15 Mar 2017
Day 180 | 14 Mar 2017
Day 179 | 13 Mar 2017
Day 178 | 09 Mar 2017
Day 177 | 08 Mar 2017
Day 176 | 07 Mar 2017
Day 175 | 06 Mar 2017
Day 174 | 03 Mar 2017
Day 173 | 02 Mar 2017
Day 172 | 01 Mar 2017
Day 171 | 28 Feb 2017
Day 170 | 27 Feb 2017
Day 169 | 25 Feb 2017
Day 168 | 24 Feb 2017
Day 167 | 23 Feb 2017
Day 166 | 22 Feb 2017
Day 165 | 21 Feb 2017
Day 164 | 20 Feb 2017
Day 163 | 17 Feb 2017
Day 162 | 16 Feb 2017
Day 161 | 15 Feb 2017
Day 160 | 10 Feb 2017
Day 159 | 09 Feb 2017
Day 158 | 08 Feb 2017
Day 157 | 07 Feb 2017
Day 156 | 06 Feb 2017
Day 155 | 04 Feb 2017
Day 154 | 03 Feb 2017
Day 153 | 02 Feb 2017
Day 152 | 01 Feb 2017
Day 151 | 31 Jan 2017
Day 150 | 30 Jan 2017
Day 149 | 28 Jan 2017
Day 148 | 27 Jan 2017
Day 147 | 26 Jan 2017
Day 146 | 25 Jan 2017
Day 145 | 24 Jan 2017
Day 144 | 23 Jan 2017
Day 143 | 21 Jan 2017
Day 142 | 20 Jan 2017
Day 141 | 09 Jan 2017
Day 140 | 05 Jan 2017
Day 139 | 04 Jan 2017
Day 138 | 03 Jan 2017
Day 137 | 30 Dec 2016
Day 136 | 29 Dec 2016
Day 135 | 28 Dec 2016
Day 134 | 22 Dec 2016
Day 133 | 21 Dec 2016
Day 132 | 20 Dec 2016
Day 131 | 15 Dec 2016
Day 130 | 12 Nov 2016
Day 129 | 03 Nov 2016
Day 128 | 20 Oct 2016
Day 127 | 19 Oct 2016
Day 126 | 06 Oct 2016
Day 125 | 05 Oct 2016
Day 124 | 04 Oct 2016
Day 123 | 30 Sep 2016
Day 122 | 27 Sep 2016
Day 121 | 20 Sep 2016
Cover Variant 9 | 26 Aug 2016
Cover Variant 8 | 19 Aug 2016
Cover Variant 7 | 12 Aug 2016
Cover Variant 6 | 05 Aug 2016
Cover Variant 5 | 29 Jul 2016
Cover Variant 4 | 26 Jul 2016
Cover Variant 3 | 14 Jul 2016
Day 120 | 09 Jul 2016
Day 119 | 08 Jul 2016
Day 118 | 07 Jul 2016
Day 117 | 06 Jul 2016
Day 116 | 05 Jul 2016
Day 115 | 04 Jul 2016
Day 114 | 30 Jun 2016
Day 113 | 29 Jun 2016
Day 112 | 28 Jun 2016
Day 111 | 27 Jun 2016
Day 110 | 23 Jun 2016
Day 109 | 22 Jun 2016
Day 108 | 20 Jun 2016
Day 107 | 17 Jun 2016
Day 106 | 13 Jun 2016
Day 100 | 19 May 2016
Day 99 | 16 May 2016
Day 98 | 13 May 2016
Day 97 | 12 May 2016
Day 96 | 11 May 2016
Day 95 | 10 May 2016
Day 94 | 09 May 2016
Day 93 | 21 Apr 2016
Day 92 | 20 Apr 2016
Day 91 | 19 Apr 2016
Day 90 | 18 Apr 2016
Day 89 | 13 Apr 2016
Day 88 | 12 Apr 2016
Day 87 | 11 Apr 2016
Day 86 | 07 Apr 2016
Day 85 | 06 Apr 2016
Day 84 | 05 Apr 2016
Day 83 | 04 Apr 2016
Day 82 | 31 Mar 2016
Day 81 | 30 Mar 2016
Day 80 | 29 Mar 2016
Day 79 | 24 Mar 2016
Day 78 | 23 Mar 2016
Day 77 | 22 Mar 2016
Day 76 | 21 Mar 2016
Day 75 | 17 Mar 2016
Day 74 | 16 Mar 2016
Day 73 | 15 Mar 2016
Day 72 | 10 Mar 2016
Day 71 | 09 Mar 2016
Day 70 | 03 Mar 2016
Day 69 | 02 Mar 2016
Day 68 | 01 Mar 2016
Day 67 | 11 Feb 2016
Day 66 | 10 Feb 2016
Day 65 | 09 Feb 2016
Day 64 | 04 Feb 2016
Day 63 | 03 Feb 2016
Day 62 | 02 Feb 2016
Day 61 | 01 Feb 2016
Day 60 | 28 Jan 2016
Day 59 | 27 Jan 2016
Day 58 | 26 Jan 2016
Day 57 | 25 Jan 2016
Day 56 | 21 Jan 2016
Day 55 | 20 Jan 2016
Day 54 | 19 Jan 2016
Day 53 | 18 Jan 2016
Day 52 | 15 Jan 2016
Day 51 | 14 Jan 2016
Day 50 | 13 Jan 2016
Day 49 | 12 Jan 2016
Day 48 | 11 Jan 2016
Day 47 | 07 Jan 2016
Day 46 | 06 Jan 2016
Day 45 | 05 Jan 2016
Day 44 | 17 Dec 2015
Day 43 | 16 Dec 2015
Day 42 | 26 Nov 2015
Day 41 | 25 Nov 2015
Day 40 | 24 Nov 2015
Day 39 | 19 Nov 2015
Day 38 | 08 Nov 2015
Day 37 | 05 Nov 2015
Day 36 | 04 Nov 2015
Day 35 | 02 Nov 2015
Day 34 | 08 Oct 2015
Day 33 | 07 Oct 2015
Day 32 | 06 Oct 2015
Day 31 | 30 Sep 2015
Day 30 | 29 Sep 2015
Day 29 | 24 Sep 2015
Day 28 | 17 Sep 2015
Day 27 | 16 Sep 2015
Day 26 | 15 Sep 2015
Day 25 | 11 Sep 2015
Day 24 | 10 Sep 2015
Day 23 | 08 Sep 2015
Day 22 | 26 Aug 2015
Day 21 | 25 Aug 2015
Day 20 | 21 Aug 2015
Day 19 | 19 Aug 2015
Day 18 | 18 Aug 2015
Day 17 | 17 Aug 2015
Day 16 | 13 Aug 2015
Day 15 | 12 Aug 2015
Day 14 | 11 Aug 2015
Day 13 | 27 Jun 2015
Day 12 | 26 Jun 2015
Day 11 | 24 Jun 2015
Day 9 | 22 Jun 2015
Day 8 | 18 Jun 2015
Day 7 | 16 Jun 2015
Day 6 | 15 Jun 2015
Day 5 | 11 Jun 2015
Day 4 | 08 Jun 2015
Day 3 | 03 Jun 2015
Day 2 | 02 Jun 2015
Day 1 | 01 Jun 2015